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Dude Talks Like a Lady

The opinions expressed by columnists are their own and do not necessarily represent the views of

I don’t get angry very often. But I’m angry right now. On May 10th, I’m moving to Manitou Springs, Colorado, to teach all summer at Summit Ministries. I’m living in a cabin at the base of Pikes Peak, teaching a whopping two hours per week, and starting work on my third book. But, obviously, that’s not why I’m angry. I’m angry because I will be missing a very important event on May 22nd at UNC – Gomorrah, which was previously known as UNC- Greensboro, and is also sometimes referred to as UNC Gonorrhea.

The UNCG Speech and Hearing Clinics – and this is not a joke - will host the Transgender Communication and Wellness Conference, an event for healthcare professionals and transgender individuals, 8:30 a.m.-6 p.m. Saturday, May 22, in Elliott University Center.

The keynote speakers for this event will be Dr. Richard Adler, co-editor of “Voice and Communication Therapy for the Transgender/Transsexual Client: A Comprehensive Clinical Guide” (2006), and Mara Keisling, executive director of the National Center for Transgender Equality. These are the kinds of people who fight for equality by rejecting the notion that men’s and women’s restrooms can truly be “separate but equal.” You can thank these brave civil rights leaders the next time your little girl runs into a drag queen in a public restroom. The Guilford Green Foundation, The Adam Foundation and Replacements Ltd. have provided grants to support the conference, which means that it will not be fully subsidized by public tax dollars. The conference will feature discussions about transgender voice and communication issues and broader health and wellness issues in the context of the transgender community.

The registration fee is $95, but it is discounted to $50 for full-time UNCG students. That’s almost two for the price of one. I really like that. For years, I’ve recommended that doctors provide two-for-the-price-of-one sex changes for those wishing to simply swap genitalia with someone else in a single out-patient surgical process.

A limited number of scholarships are available for transgender individuals. The Adam Foundation’s support will defray the registration fee for 14 members of the local transgender community. But I think we should do more because I like to impose my morals on others in the name of diversity. Specifically, I think we should offer free four-year tuition waivers to students willing to mutilate their genitals. I know studying can sometimes be a sacrifice. But genital mutilation – now that’s a real sacrifice!

The conference is designed for members of the transgender community, speech-language pathologists, psychologists and psychiatrists, physicians and others, including university faculty and graduate students with an interest in transgender issues.

Transgendered attendees can be assured that no pathologist will say that voluntary genital mutilation is pathological. Psychologists and psychiatrists will refrain from judging people as mentally disturbed, unless, of course, they have a religious or moral objection to voluntary genital mutilation. Transgender individuals will have the opportunity to speak directly to healthcare professionals about their experiences and needs. Break-out groups will focus on feminine voice, spoken language, nonverbal communication and other topics. But, of course, I’ll not be there to offer the following health care advice to transgendered individuals: Voluntary genital mutilation is bad for your health!

And that’s too bad because my advice would have been free. One of the stated goals of the conference is to “expand the availability of professionals who are competent in transgender issues and to increase the presence of trusted and sound resources in the areas of voice and communication locally and nationally.”

But the real reason UNCG is hosting this conference is unstated: They want to surpass Brown University in the hopes of becoming the most hyper-sexualized left-wing campus in America.

To date, UNCG is doing a good job of it. And parents would do well to keep their children as far away from UNC Gomorrah as possible.

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