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Debbie Does Malice

The opinions expressed by columnists are their own and do not necessarily represent the views of

Dear Deb,

Thanks for taking the time to write me from your personal email address, which I am including here ( for interested readers of my column. I am responding below to each of the three paragraphs of your brief email:

I am extremely concerned about the hateful tone of pundits who make money from stirring up needless division and spreading misinformation.

Deb, it may surprise you but I agree. That is why I’ve stopped reading the New York Times and all of its local affiliates, including the Wilmington McTimes, here in Wilmington, North Carolina. I have also blocked access to The Daily Kos, The Huffington Post, and on all of the computers in my home. I’m really trying to do my part. So far, I have no problem with anything you’ve written.

The hate-mongering and fear-spreading used by the Right to try to salvage its power has frightened perfectly normal members of my family into thinking that    the Obama presidency will bring us a totalitarian government.  If you are really a scholar, then you know that this is all hokum. 

Again, Deb, although I am a right-winger myself, I am in total agreement with you (except I doubt that every member of your family is “perfectly normal.”). The Obama presidency will not bring about a totalitarian government. The reason for this is pretty simple: The 46% of us who voted for John McCain are presently arming ourselves to the hilt.

Since I already have enough firearms to overthrow several Latin American governments, I’ve purchased five firearms and given them to friends and neighbors since it became apparent that McCain would not win the election. You did not ask me to but I’ve listed those five guns below as well as my reasons for giving them away:

Remington 870 12-guage. The kid next door had his 14th birthday so I gave him an 870 with a 26-inch barrel. I told his dad that every family needed one. I suggested he buy an 18-inch barrel for home defense. I like having an armed neighbor just next door (just in case I run out of ammunition). Generally, I keep about 12,000 rounds on hand but you can’t be too careful these days.

Glock 19. Just as the 870 is the best “family gun”, the mid-sized 9mm by Glock is the best “girl gun.” It has enough stopping power to castrate a potential rapist. But there’s not too much kick for the compact to medium-sized chick. I bought one for a girl I know who lives alone.

Smith and Wesson Model 686. Aside from attending the same church, there is nothing better for a marriage than shooting the same gun. For the husband, the .357 round is just fine. But the wife will want to use the tamer .38 “special” round, preferably in a 125-grain hollow point. This is a great “couples gun” for those who agree with my assertion that no “man” relies on another man working for Brink’s Home Security to defend his home and wife for him. Since one of my buddies complained about he and his wife “growing apart” I thought it would be nice to buy them one.

Marlin 30-30 lever-action rifle. This is a hunting rifle for the whole family. The rounds are cheap and the kick is not bad at all. I used one to kill my first deer. I only wish I had it earlier when a pack of wild dogs came on my family’s property and nearly killed our dog. This gun will down a pit bull. It will even take out a black bear. And it’s cheap. Every hunter needs one. Spend a few extra bucks and get it in black walnut finish. I bought one as a wedding present for a friend from Alabama.

Ruger 10/22. I have a friend who likes shooting guns all the time. We spend a lot of money on ammo every time he’s in town. Once, I found myself thinking “I wish he had a .22 so we could save money at the range.” So, one Sunday afternoon, I bought him one. In return, he shot some squirrels and showed me how to make squirrel stew. Sounds a little redneck, I know. But it beats the hell out of possum.

I hope that you will use your place of respect to call a halt to this campaign of ; hate and fear.  Sincerely,

Deborah Lagutaris.

Yes, Deb, I will. I hereby call on all of the following groups to stop with their post-election tactics of hate and fear:

Gay rights activists who tear crosses out of the hands of little old ladies.

Gay rights activists who invade church services in Michigan.


Gay rights activists who are attacking the Mormons who had the decency to accept the 1879 Supreme Court ruling saying that states had a right to help confine marriage to one man and one woman by criminalizing bigamy.

And, finally, gay rights activists in California who are trying to use the court system to nullify the rights of the people and “disenfranchise” the majority of American voters.

I don’t think we’re actually headed for totalitarianism, Deb. But if we get much closer, I’ll have to buy a few more guns for insurance. Have a nice day,

Mike S. Adams

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