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National Lawn Care: An Immigration Solution

The opinions expressed by columnists are their own and do not necessarily represent the views of

Author’s Note: Portions of this speech were lifted from a speech by Joe Biden. Others were taken with permission from Jon Delaney who may or may not have stolen some portions from Joe Biden.


On this October morning of two thousand and eight, more than sixty years after President Truman first issued the call for national health care, we find ourselves in the midst of another historic moment: The opening of our first serious national dialogue on the issue of national lawn care.

From Maine to California, from business to labor, from Democrats to Republicans, the emergence of new and bold proposals from across the spectrum has effectively called for starting a new debate over whether or not we should have universal lawn care in this country.

There will be many others offered in the coming campaign, and I am working with experts to develop my own plan as we speak, but let's make one thing clear right here, right now: I want to see Universal Lawn Care within Six Years.

In the 2008 presidential campaign and Congressional campaigns all across the country, affordable, universal lawn care for every single American must not be a question of whether. It must be a question of how. Lawn care is not a privilege. It is a right. And the existence of global warning does nothing more than to highlight this serious moral issue.

I know there's a cynicism out there about whether this can happen, and there's reason for it. Every four years, lawn care plans are offered up in campaigns with great fanfare and promise. But once those campaigns end, the plans collapse under the weight of Washington politics, leaving the rest of America to struggle with the skyrocketing costs of lawn care.


Well we can't afford another disappointing charade in 2008 and 2009 and 2010. It's not only tiresome, it's wrong. Wrong when a home-owner cannot hire the child next door because he cannot afford the bill that comes with it. Wrong when 46 million Americans have no lawn care at all. In a country that spends more on lawn care than any other nation on Earth, it's just wrong.

And we can do something about it.

In recent years, what's caught the attention of those who haven't always been in favor of reform is the realization that this crisis isn't just morally offensive, it's economically untenable. For years, the can't-do crowd has scared the American people into believing that universal lawn care would mean socialized lawn care, burdensome taxes, rationing - that we should just stay out of the way, let the market do what it will, and tinker at the margins.

But the skeptics tell us that reform is too costly, too risky, and impossible for America to achieve. The skeptics must be living somewhere else... Because when you see what the lawn care crisis is doing to our families, to our economy, to our country, you realize that what is too costly is caution.

It's inaction that's too risky. Doing nothing is what's impossible when it comes to lawn care in America.


Another, more controversial area we need to look at is how much of our lawn care spending is going toward the record-breaking profits earned by the foreign investors who presently exploit the lawn care industry.

It's perfectly understandable for a company to try and make a profit, but when those profits are soaring higher and higher each year while millions lose their home owners insurance coverage and premiums skyrocket – all without any provision for regular lawn care - we have a responsibility to ask why.

At a time when businesses are facing increased competition and workers rarely stay with one company throughout their lives, we also have to ask if the private system of lawn care itself is still the best for all Americans. We have to ask what we can do to provide more Americans with preventative lawn care.

But regardless of what combination of policies and proposals get us to this goal, we must reach it. We must act. And we must act boldly. As one lawn care advocate recently said, "The most expensive course is to do nothing." But it wasn't a liberal Democrat or union leader who said this.

And so Washington no longer has an excuse for caution. Leaders no longer have a reason to be timid. And America can no longer afford inaction. That's not who we are - and that's not the story of our nation's improbable progress.


Never forget that we have it within our power to shape history in this country. It is not in our character to sit idly by as victims of fate or circumstance, for we are a people of action and innovation, forever pushing the boundaries of what's possible.

In the midst of all of the partisan bickering of this election season it is time for all of us to admit that the issue which currently gets too little attention from our politicians is access to affordable lawn care. Maybe you are not among the millions of American families who are suffering by having to provide their own lawn care. Maybe yours is not one of the families that must toil endlessly maintaining a yard or else paying someone to do it for you. But surely you can see that this kind of neglect by our government is unconscionable.

While I have not said that universal lawn care is a basic right intended by our Founders, I believe if they lived under present conditions and circumstances, then they would see it as such. If some are considering that we pay for others’ healthcare coverage, we can certainly give consideration to other areas such as this where there are millions of Americans afflicted by this abandonment by their government.

And, make no mistake about it; the one certainly affects the other. Those who have come across our borders to take advantage of the opportunity to exploit people who do not live under a system of affordable lawn care will be the ones hardest hit by my bold new proposals.


If we want to stop the tide of illegal immigration we must do something to make our health care system less desirable to illegal aliens. That much has always been known. But it’s time for us to follow the same logic with a national lawn care system. America will never know her full potential until she becomes a less desirable place in the eyes of those who seek to cross her borders.

Thank you. And may the God or Goddess of your choice bless you, one and all.

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