I have spent the decade of my late-teens to late-twenties in the trenches of our culture’s battle over abortion, and I see clearly that the crisis of abortion was rooted in another crisis: one of love and family. Is it any wonder that, for many, pregnancy is faced with fear and the temptation to abort when there is no stable, loving marriage, and no home to joyfully welcome that new life into?
While I recognized that we had to awaken the individual to the value of human life in order to end abortion, I also knew that we had to strengthen relationships and families. I hoped for a family of my own to love someday, so that, together, we could go out and serve our community, nation, and world. I sensed that for all my activism and advocacy work, creating my own family—if God gave me one—would become the greatest contribution of my life
There is great beauty and power in creating a family: families are where faith is first learned, where values are first taught, and where we first learn to love. The family is the basic unit of any functioning society. It’s the future of a nation. The effects of one good family can ripple through generations, healing wounds and bringing peace, long after we are gone.
My parents’ marriage of more than thirty-five years was not the result of unfailing chemistry or perfect compatibility. The truth is, for two people, chemistry comes and goes; compatibility ebbs and flows with time. My parents’ love was hard-won and weathered. It withstood great personal trial. Polar opposites in temperament and personality, my parents had a marriage that lasted because they chose to remain faithful to each other, no matter how difficult it was, and to honor God by honoring their promise to each other. What my parents lived was a sacrament, not only a sacred promise they made to each other and to God but a living witness to the love between Jesus Christ and his church. And with God’s help, they kept their promise to love.
I wanted a love like that. Deep down, I think we all do.
Homes and families are where God does some of his deepest work. In the love between a man and a woman, and through the creative power of God, new human lives enter the world. The family is where God’s eternal purposes come to life; it is the beginning of each human story, a love story whose ends are in eternity. Or, as G. K. Chesterton once observed, “The supreme adventure is being born.”
Starting a family doesn’t mean we leave the fight. It means we dare to rebuild our nation, even on a battlefield. I believe that in a world so often restless and cynical, saying yes to romance, to love, to the everyday tasks of marriage and family, is its own quiet revolution. Defying the forces of evil, one man and one woman, making a little home where vulnerability, tenderness, and laughter can thrive, is a subversive act.
Which means creating a family is the supreme act of defiance—a celebration of life in the midst of war.
In the last week of 2019, after twenty-four hours of labor, I gave birth to my son, Peter. Labor was the most painful, intense, and raw experience of my life, but one I would endure a thousand times over for Peter.
It is wild to experience the love I have for Peter, the innate protectiveness and willingness to do whatever I have to for him, no matter how difficult or painful. Looking at his sweet face, his little body nestled in my arms, I marvel at the pure gift of his life. Now that he is here in all his wonder, I can’t imagine the world without him.
Being a mother brings the pain of this fight for life even more intensely to my heart. I can’t help but think of the babies killed by abortion. I can’t help but imagine again the terrible pain that a woman who has had an abortion must feel once she sees for the first time what that abortion really does. But her pain and heartache can bring good. Heartache shows us a problem that needs fixing, a wound that needs healing, and a cause that needs joining.
What is the vision for which we fight?
We fight for the innocence of every child and their right to be loved and protected. We fight for the sacredness of every human being from the first moment of their existence, when God himself designs a new, unique, and totally irreplaceable life. We fight for justice, for the day when our laws treat all people equally and no one is left out. We fight for that breakthrough moment when respect for God’s justice reigns in every human heart. We fight for the dignity of every woman and girl, that each one might know her worth. We fight for motherhood and fatherhood and for the sacredness of family. We fight for life, for the precious gift of a life lived as fully and abundantly as God intended here on earth and in hope of the eternity to come.
Adapted from FIGHTING FOR LIFE: BECOMING A FORCE FOR CHANGE IN A WOUNDED WORLD. Lila Rose is a speaker, writer, and human rights activist. She founded and serves as president of Live Action, a media and news nonprofit dedicated to ending abortion and inspiring a culture that respects all human life.
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