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OPINION
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Beware of the Black Swans

The opinions expressed by columnists are their own and do not necessarily represent the views of Townhall.com.
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AP Photo/Julia Nikhinson

We’ve got about 75 more days left until the election, and who knows what the hell will happen that will change everything? If the last 25 years have been any indication, something will happen, and it’s going to be weird. We only have black swans anymore. We need to be looking for the white swan among the black flock. 

What can happen? Well, there’s the Democratic National Convention. It’s going on as I write this and we might see total chaos. The Democrats, on the streets, inside the arena, and aboard the abortion/castration RV, could show America their true colors and turn off the voters. Perhaps Harris will do a confident, capable teleprompter speech and be hailed as the new Cicero. Or she might completely botch it and be hailed as the new Cicero. Even if she doesn’t screw it up by tossing one of her word salads, her problem may be that what she says is clear as a bell. After all, she’s pushing all sorts of commie schemes, from price controls to giving first-time home buyers an extra $25,000 for their down payments. That’s great…for those of us who already own real estate. 

What’s probably going to happen at the convention? Not much. Look, this was always going to be close, and the polls are tightening after slightly going in her favor following the departure of Crusty McCrustalot. Most likely, people will start paying attention and realize that she’s an idiot, and maybe a drunk, and that she and her deployment-dodging moron of a partner are terrible. Brat Summer is going to end around Labor Day.

Another big event could be the September 10 debate. I don’t know if this death match in the Octagon is going to happen. I kind of doubt she attends it, much less any of the others. My guess is she’s probably going to call Trump a “convicted felon” and refuse to share a stage. Normal people won’t buy it, though the regime media will call her stunning and brave. But let’s assume she does do the debate. She could be confident and capable – again, the regime media is going to tell us she was amazing. But there’s a substantial chance that she’s going to be terrible. How do I know? Because she always screws up when she talks extemporaneously. Every single time. She’s an idiot. That’s a real problem for the Democrats. Now, Trump could have an off night and screw up. Again, the media is going to insist that he screws up regardless, but that won’t matter if he hasn’t. People are hip to the okey-doke. But what if he really does screw up? That could be a real problem. I don’t think it’s likely, but it’s within the realm of statistical possibility.

Then, a few days later, that judge whose daughter worked for Kamala Harris and got a whole ton of money from Trump’s political opponent is going to sentence him. This totally unbiased jurist is definitely going to sentence Trump to prison. I doubt he will actually lock up the man on a major ticket for the presidency, but who knows? I think he just wants to give his party – he donated to the Democrats – the talking point that Trump is facing prison. Well, let’s put aside that Kamala Harris seems to like real felons. I’m not sure a sentence from a kangaroo court is going to do much except to remobilize a bunch of Republicans who got mobilized the last time this clown weighed in. Likely, Judge Conflicto will sentence Trump to a year in prison because it’s not like Trump robbed or raped anybody. If he had, he would just get probation in NYC. The sentence will be suspended pending the inevitably successful appeal of this ridiculous sham conviction, and no one will care. 

So, what else could happen? Well, Joe Biden could check out, either voluntarily or involuntarily. There’s talk that Kamala Harris would love to be the first female president, even if it’s for a couple of months, because then she would have the trappings of incumbency to assist her. She would also have an excuse for not going out campaigning because she’s “working for the American people” and all that crap. This is unlikely to happen. It was hard enough for Joe Biden to give up running for reelection. Don’t think you’re going to pry the very real Doctor Biden out of the Oval Office without her fingernails gouging trenches into the floor as she’s dragged away. It just isn’t going to happen. Well, at least not voluntarily. The dude is hella old, and the actuarial tables are cruel. Who knows? He could choke on an ice cream cone or perish in a terrible rocking chair accident.

There could be some horrifying new revelation about the candidates. The revelation well on Trump is pretty much dry, but Kamala has skeletons, especially considering her romantically entrepreneurial reputation and taste for Chardonnay. And what about Walz? Putting aside his stolen valor blue falconry, his driving while sloshed, and his Chi Com canoodling, just look at the guy. Yikes – he screams “creepazoid.” Who knows what else will come out about him? It just takes one person from his past to come forward – ask Brett Kavanaugh.

Another potential black swan event is pretty scary, and I wrote about it in my recent bestselling novel, The Attack. Biden and his Border Czar Harris invited millions and millions of Third World peasants into our country. Among them, besides the rapists, drug dealers, thieves, bums, and general scumbags, are actual terrorists. As my book predicts, there could be a massive terrorist attack here in the United States before the election. In normal times, we would rally around the president. But in normal times, we would have a president. This alleged president is not conscious enough to be rallied around. A horrible terrorist attack could throw the election to Donald Trump in a landslide.

There are other possible swans of color out there. The economy could completely crash. We’re already seeing indications that the economy is a mess that even Paul Krugman can’t deny no matter how hard he tries. The question is whether it will get messy enough within the next 80 days for people to radically change their votes. But if you were around in 2008 when McCain was running against Obama, and I was, we suddenly had an earth-shattering Wall Street crisis right in the middle of September. It went poorly for the party in power. A giant financial crisis will not wait until it’s advantageous to the Democrats. It could happen anytime. And I think if the people are asked whether they want to put their economic future in the hands of businessman Donald Trump or that cackling, communist moron, they’re going to want the Orange Man badly.

Ukraine could be defeated if its current offense collapses and the Russians attack on all fronts, threatening the Zelensky regime. China could grab Taiwan, and I’ve always wondered why he hasn’t just done that. Of course, if Walz is elected, he might actually support the CCP invasion. The Iranians could get their nuclear weapon, and a Mideast war might break out regardless. 

There’s also another potential threat – some other idiot could take a shot at Donald Trump and, this time, not miss.

Yeah, there are a bunch of black swans out there, and you know at least one or two of them is going to come home to roost. There will be an October Surprise, but after 25 years of black swans, we should not be surprised.

Follow Kurt on Twitter @KurtSchlichter. Get the newest volume in the Kelly Turnbull People’s Republic series of conservative action novels set in America after a notional national divorce, the bestselling Amazon #1 Military Thriller, Overlord! And get his new novel about terrorism in America, The Attack!

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