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OPINION

The Media Desperately Wants a Republican Civil War

The opinions expressed by columnists are their own and do not necessarily represent the views of Townhall.com.
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AP Photo/Ron Harris

Regime media flagship CNN recently rolled out Governor Larry Hogan of the State of Who Cares to proclaim that he is thinking of running for president in 2024. It’s not kind to laugh at the mentally ill, but then our kindness is kind of used up, so consider this my laughter at the idea that this insufferable dork – who bears a striking resemblance to Brian Stelter (who is a potato) – is ever going to be president of anything.

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HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

He announced on CNN that he’s going to occupy the sane lane of the 2024 Republican primary. The idea of a potentially viable GOP candidate whose strategy is to go on the Sex Pest Channel and announce that everyone else in the party he aspires to lead is nuts seems, well…

Let me repeat myself.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

That toobinesque media fantasy that some mask-loving doofus governor of a third-tier state is going to win the heart, minds, or anything else of the Republicans is so ludicrous you kind of suspect they invited him onto their shows to share his delusions and then to laugh at him – as we do. What other explanation is there” He’s about as popular among Republicans as the Lincoln Project is at a middle school, which is ironic because the Lincoln Project is about the only group that might support him. And even that’s unlikely – Evan McMuffin is out there making noises about running for something and he’s got the edge on Hogan with the LP crew because he looks much younger.

Again…

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

But the efforts of Hogan’s Zeroes trying to push this goof down the throats of an unwilling GOP base is just a symptom of what we have been seeing from an increasingly panicked establishment that is watching as Grandpa Badfinger continues to put the “fail” in “failure” as pseudo-president. The regime media is desperate to try to make “fetch” happen, with this “fetch” being the notion that Republican voters have somehow decided that they want to return to the legacy of curated defeat that defined Conservative, Inc.’s cruise ship era. We are, they tell us, tired of that uppity Trump and all his successes and insults. We are ready to once again go along, get along, and lose along. 

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Oh, okay…

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

They want to divide the party in two, except the party is not divided in two in any real sense. There is the 99% of the GOP that wants to crush the Dems, and the 1% that wants to ogle the Liz Cheney centerfold in this month’s edition of Swamp Creature.

But since our enemies can’t find a rift they will try to manufacture one. According to unreliable sources in the media – are there any other kind? – Donald Trump is losing his touch and losing his base. Leave it to our much worse betters to fail to understand the dynamic of its enemies – one huge advantage we have is that, because the left owns all the institutions, we know them every well while they don’t bother to understand us at all. Obviously, what they hope for is to sow the seeds of conflict within the elephant party and get us chasing our tail instead of pinning inflation, CRT, and international humiliation on the donkey party.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

It's not happening, folks. The base has not abandoned Donald Trump, nor will it. But it is also not slavishly devoted to him as our enemies imagine. Trump was the avatar of this movement, not the movement itself. The vast majority of the party appreciates the President for what he did and what he endured. That does not mean the base is going to simply nod and obey whenever Trump says something – look at the hostile reaction in the crowd at a recent rally when he started talking about vaccines. Moreover, they are not dead set on Trump in 2024. Many want a primary not because they hate but because they want the best candidate and a coronation would leave Trump heading into 2024 soft and out-of-shape. They like Trump. But they are not owned by Trump. And they want to win more than anything.

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Trump is still the most powerful voice in the party, and his word does carry weight. Yet the regime media is inadvertently correct that Donald Trump’s kingmaking is not going without a hitch. He has blown it occasionally – for example, passing over party outsider Robby Starbuck for party favorite Morgan Ortagus in Tennessee-5 drew huge and proper pushback from the base. But the media wishcasts that there is some sort of groundswell of “unTrumpy” candidates out there likely to be nominated for that reason. Nonsense. There is not. There are few significant candidates who are “unTrumpy” for the simple fact that the collection of attitudes and principles that now forms the Republican Party baseline is shared by the base and by Trump. And if you think that there’s a lane for hating Trump, and therefore his voters, well…

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

The media is eager to try to get the GOP to embrace the old hawkishness n’ corporate tax cut vibe of the old school GOP precisely because it was so unpopular. One of Trump’s many huge contributions was driving a stake through the withered heart of that lame paradigm. Sure, some pols can still get by on pushing it, but most are timeservers who built up enough familiarity and goodwill over the years to keep getting reelected. The guys and gals who are coming in fresh and who have a shot are almost all fully based. They understand that the biggest priority for a modern Republican politician is not shrimping the toes of corporate donors but fighting the leftist politico-cultural battle.

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And that’s what the left’s media fears, so that is why it is trying to create a false choice between Trumpian candidates and non-Trumpian ones.  But there is no choice. The GOP is effectively all populist/conservative. This does rub some of the establishment figures the wrong way. After all, their job is to make things run smoothly and the base is lighting pitchforks to burn it all down. But no one who stands against what Trump came to embody is going anywhere in any primary. And there’s only one thing to say to anyone dumb enough to believe differently…

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Conservatives Must Stand Together and Fight. Join Townhall VIPAnd Check Out Last Week's Stream of Kurtiousness, Joe Biden and His Administration Are a Complete DisasterAnd my podcast, Unredacted

My Kelly Turnbull conservative action thriller series shows what happens if America splits into red and blue countries after going down the kind of path our real-life ruling class has chosen. The sixth, The Split, is now out, but get all these action-packed bestsellers, including People's Republic, Indian Country, Wildfire, Collapse, and Crisis!

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