The Man Who Police Gave Photos of Trump's Would-Be Assassin to Was Not...
In Old Clip With Tucker Carlson, Trump Absolutely Nails Kamala Harris
There Were Two Embarrassing Developments Before Joe Biden Dropped Out
Joe Biden’s Final Humiliation And The Fight Ahead
Biden Becomes A Non-Entity
Here's Which Democrats Did Not Back Harris in Their Biden Statements
Frank Biden Just Made a Stunning Comment in Response to His Brother Exiting...
Manchin Addresses Speculation That He's Going to Run for President
The Attack Ads Against Kamala Are Already Dropping and They're Brutal
The Abbott and Costello Democrat Party Skit
Election 2024: Living in Interesting Times
Mr. President, Nobody Believes You
A Prayer for President Biden
When Fringe Becomes Mainstream
'Our Democracy' and the Sandbagging of Joe Biden

Time to Declare Victory Over COVID

The opinions expressed by columnists are their own and do not necessarily represent the views of
AP Photo/Damian Dovarganes

Can we just end this COVID nonsense now, or do some people have such empty lives that they can’t get beyond this ridiculous societal spasm because they need it to give their existence meaning? Sadly, they do, and you can see them licking their thin lips at the thought of more lockdowns. Except I am sick – pardon the expression – of having my life disrupted by their personal psychodramas. I get that this silly pandemic has been the most exciting, edgy, and interesting thing that will ever happen to many of our fellow citizens. It’s been their chance to cocoon in their condos watching Netflix and feeling like they are cheating death. But to the rest of us, it’s a pain in the Schumer and we’ve gone along with the whining sissies for too long.

The pandemic is over. We won. Deal with it.

Stop with this mask crap. Masks don’t work and we all know they don’t work but the paranoid freaks who form a huge part of President *’s lame base insist we wear them as some sort of totem to ward off the evil coronaspirits. It’s stupid + superstition – stupidstition. 

Follow the science? Where’s the science saying the masks have any effect but to give lonely, sexually underutilized lib wine mommies the giddy thrill of pretending they are confronting some perilous peril when they gag their pale, dopey kids and wrap a thong around their talkslots in order to go out in the sunshine and take a walk. 

It’s dumb and degrading. But then liberals and their sissycon fellow travelers are dumb and they enjoy being degraded, and while I’m not going to kinkshame them, count me out. Masks are ridiculous and this freaky fetish needs to end. Find your thrills with mask porn in the nether reaches of the internet if that’s your jam, but stop insisting I join in your circle of jerks by stringing glorified tissue paper in front of my face.

Is there a risk from not wearing a mask? Not any appreciable risk, but if there were, so what? I’ll roll the dice in exchange for some dignity.

Now is the part where I am somehow supposed to acknowledge that a lot of people have died of the Chinese flu, but that’s not the point and I need not make it. Diseases happen, then they stop happening. Yeah, people are still getting sick, and a lot of them are vaccinated people. Remember how we were told a bunch of contradictory things about the vaccine?

Trump is behind it, so it’s bad.

Now Biden’s sort of president, so vaccines are good and will totally protect you.

In fact, they are so good we are demanding that you take them.

And natural immunity is not a thing.

And side effects are not a thing either.

But but but no one ever said that vaccines will totally protect you.

Vaccines only make the diseases you get less bad.

How could you ever think we meant the vaccine meant you couldn’t get it or spread it when we told you that?

Now, everyone must get a vaccine that fails to protect others in order to protect others – wait, what?

I got the disease and I got the vaccine and I’m going to live my life, but here I am writing this on an airplane having to nurse a beer instead of chugging it so the sky Stasi doesn’t come over and give me the 900th warning about how federal law – DUN DUN DUN – commands we ritually don our useless serf muzzles.

The stewardesses actually reminded people that if the oxygen masks drop, we could then, and only then, remove our face thingies. Just the day before, my pal Jesse Kelly had tweeted that he heard that very announcement on a plane, and in my naïveté, I briefly thought that our society could not be that stupid, but there it was, right there in the midst of the standard safety brief. Never underestimate the stupidity of the establishment.

But then, you know there are people so dumb and so terrified of the Chinese virus that they’d be trying to huff oxygen through a mask. And, sadly, the people who these same dummies sort of elected cater to them. Maybe we should let Darwin cull the herd a bit. And maybe next time, Fauci can fund a Chinese experiment in altering viruses to only infect stupid people, like the guy who got on the plane last and spent ten minutes trying to wedge his steamer trunk into the bulging overhead bin.

People are still getting sick and here’s a bit of news for the slow kids in the back row – that’s going to keep happening. This disease is here and it’s now endemic and that’s how it’s going to be no matter how much pandemic theater we perform. There will be waves of it, and the answer is not to do what Biden in front of the Pope to ourselves every time the rates spike. The answer is to shrug and go on with our lives.

Remember a few weeks ago when Florida’s rates spiked, and it was somehow DeSantis’s fault? Well, now the paranoid blue state rates are spiking and it is somehow DeSantis’s fault. The blue states are slobbering at the thought of shutting down again. I have a different strategy – do nothing. Eventually, everyone is going to get it, and maybe that’s not that bad. Almost all of you who will get it will be fine; if you have some vulnerabilities, like lung issues or you follow the Chris Christie diet, maybe you should take extra precautions. But don’t ask me to. I kicked its ass when I had it. Your problems are your problems, and I am not going to stay in my house because you can’t stay out of Golden Corral.

Free the kids from the tyranny of COVID fanatic schools.

Free citizens from the tyranny of vaccine fascists who think choice means killing babies but not declining shots.

Free everyone from stupid rules that amount to ritual toobining, delivering only mild transitory pleasure to bossy people unable to obtain pleasure through dignified pursuits.

It’s time to live again, and just because you have no life to return to doesn’t mean I’m not going to live mine.

Conservatives Must Stand Together and Fight. Join Townhall VIPAnd Check Out Last Week's Stream of Kurtiousness, This Is a Valid Self-Defense Case. And my podcast, Unredacted.

Catch the fever with my sixth Kelly Turnbull conservative action thriller, The Split! It shows what happens when America splits into red and blue countries. Get all six bestsellers, including People's Republic, Indian Country, Wildfire, Collapse, and Crisis!

Join the conversation as a VIP Member


Trending on Townhall Videos