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The 2022 Ballot Box Bloodbath

The opinions expressed by columnists are their own and do not necessarily represent the views of
AP Photo/Matt York

Sometimes you get a lawsuit in and you look at it and it seems too good to be true, and things that look too good to be true usually are. You go through the litigation looking for that landmine, waiting for the other shoe to drop, and enduring a dozen other hackneyed analogies that express that nagging notion in the back of your head that “This case can’t be this good.” But then the law is in your favor and the facts are in your favor, and the jury hands over the verdict, and the clerk reads it, and you win – big – and you look back and think, “I should have known there was no other way this was going end but with a smashing victory.”

That’s the 2022 midterms. You want to hedge against problems, you want to detect them and defeat them, but there just aren’t any. My job – military, law, punditry – has always been to see the train coming down the tracks that’s going to run us down. But here, there’s no train roaring at us. Instead, there’s a dude in a white tuxedo bringing us drinks.

Everything is in our favor in 2022. And I mean everything. The current situation, history, structure, retirements, trends, the opposition, and – critically – the candidates. I keep looking for a downside and I just don’t see one.

We’re going to treat them like Mitt Romney if he accidentally wandered into CPAC while looking for a MSNBCNN camera crew to sell us out to. 

The current situation favors us. We need just a half-dozen seats in the House, which is not a lot. The finely grinding mill of time might well change that calculus even more in the next 18 months.

History is in our favor. The party out of the White House almost always gains seats. Sure, every once in a while, there’s an outlier election, but does that doddering cretin in the Oval Office seem like he’s got the juice to defy the general rule? He may not even be president then, especially if he forgets Dr. Jill’s warning and eats one of those scones Kamala sends up to him.

Structurally, we have the edge. The new census reflects people fleeing blue hellholes for the sunny paradise of red America and bringing their congressional seats with them. We patriots control most state legislatures and will get to preside over what I hope is the kind of ruthless gerrymandering that is A-OK when the pinkos do it. And red states are fixing the broken election laws – the Democrats are crying because when they can’t cheat, they can’t win.

Retirements are favoring us. Democrats who see the (obscene) writing on the wall are dropping out. It’s always better to challenge an open seat.

The trends are in our favor. People are sick of inflation, of crime, and especially CRT. Even the suburban lib moms hate it – when young Kaden comes home from school and tells his wine mommy how he learned she’s a big fat racist, she’ll spit out her mouthful of Trader Joe’s screw-top chardonnay (it eases the pain of being married to a liberal male-identifying being) and resolve to secretly vote for the Republican who will purge the schools of that nonsense. That disgraceful ideology is polling right down there with acne, hemorrhoids, and Liz Cheney. Oh, and we’re going to boot the Beltway Cowgirl out in 2022 too, along with some other Cruise Ship Conservatives who just won’t conform to the new reality that submission is out, subjugating our enemies is in.

The opposition is helping us. From Ilhan Omar of House Lannister to particle physics pioneer and abuela-shafting loudmouth AOC, to Nancy Pelosi her ancient self, the congressional Dems are turning off the normals. In the Senate, the Dems are fighting among themselves, turning on Joe Manchin and the quirky gal from Arizona for refusing to jump on the leftist grenade for them. And up at the apex is an alleged president who makes Chauncey Gardener look like Lex Luthor. The Democrat rouges gallery of weirdos, losers, and mutations is a powerful argument for one party rule – our party.

And then there are our candidates. That’s our real weapon.

People babble about “diversity” as if checking off boxes has some sort of meaning beyond posturing for the benefit of moral illiterates. But real diversity means that we in the pro-freedom, pro-America party put aside ridiculous criteria based on immutable characteristics in order to find the best people to carry forth our banner. How fast would you support a lesbian Hindu of color who was differently-abled if that person – who would use the pronouns “she/her” because we conservatives are not ridiculous – was 100% in on America First? Faster than a Never Trumper on his wedding night.

Would it ever occur to you that a top Hollywood rap video director of Cuban descent who moved his family away form Tinseltown to Tennessee to keep them from being poisoned by PC would be a top GOP contender and a great example of who our party really is? Yes, of course it would occur to you. It just would not occur to libs – which is good, because we don’t want our enemy to understand us. That makes beating them easier.

Robby Starbuck is running in Tennessee-5 and I support him wholeheartedly. So do Rand Paul and a bunch of others. You can find out more, and help, here – Robby rejects corporate money because he understands that big corporations are liberal catspaws. That’s woke, and we need more of it.

No CRT, ever. No gun grabbing. No election cheating. No stupid new wars. No sucking up to China. Yes to America. That’s his agenda. That’s our agenda.

Robby is not supposed to be one of us, according to all the people who hate us and want us to live as serfs. But he’s totally one of us. And he’s doing what needs to be done – getting in there and fighting. The Democrats are already scared of him, as they should be. This is the real reason we’ll win – we’ve got the candidates. Robby. Sean Parnell in PA. Some others you’ll be hearing about soon.

Now what’s your part in this?

Volunteer. Give money. Support them on social media. And run yourself. Not necessarily for Congress, but why not for your local school board? The fight starts with you. The opportunity is there in 2022, not just nationally but down ballot. Why not run? Why not take the shot? The opportunity will never be better, the correlation of forces will never be more favorable.

Let’s grind their smug, puffy faces into the ground.

July will bring my sixth Kelly Turnbull action thriller, The Split. Get the most recent bestseller, Crisis, as well as my other four novels about what happens when America splits into red and blue countries, People's Republic, Indian CountryWildfireand Collapse

My super-secret e-mail address is


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