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CNN Tries to Rehabilitate Zoom Masturbator Jeffrey Toobin

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Photo by Chris Pizzello/Invision/AP, File

Hi, everybody! Welcome to today's "Stream of Kurtiousness" video! I am Kurt Schlichter. Thanks for being a Townhall VIP member! 

Okay, so I decided there was no other topic than the one I am going to approach. There could not be a better topic for my little six to seven-minute weekly screed, and you're going to understand why. One of the lawyers from my office just called me and said, "Hey, Kurt, there's this issue blah, blah, blah," and I said, "Okay, do this, do that, okay, now I have to go make a Jeffrey Toobin video." And there's a pause on the line, and I said, "You know, that just didn't sound right." 

But this video is about Jeffrey Toobin and his coming out, so to speak, from the shame of being caught on Zoom flogging the dolphin, punishing the primate. Ick!

So, this guy, who is a legal analyst for CNN. Now, I got a beef with legal analysts. They're all terrible. I'm actually a lawyer, so I'm not impressed by other lawyers because most of them are terrible, too, just like Jeffrey Toobin. And leftist legal analysts are uniquely horrible. They're always wrong. They don't know what they're doing. They're just terrible. Their opinions suck. And frankly, when they give them, it's a lot like what Jeffrey Toobin was doing on the Zoom call. Now, I'm not going to describe what Jeffrey Toobin was doing on the Zoom call. Let's just say he takes to heart the phrase "Be your own best friend." 

Did I mention ick!?

So he's on the Zoom call, he "forgets" to turn off the camera, and lah-di-dah, we all know how that came out!

Anyway, they took him off CNN, and apparently, he went into therapy for months and months and months. Now, I'm thinking, "Okay, the dude has committed the sin of Onan, and now he's getting therapy. If everybody who did that got therapy, there'd be a lot more therapists out there working 24 hours a day." It's not really that he needs therapy. It's just that he needs some freaking dignity!

But there is no dignity for this guy.

This is our elite. I know you're going, "Kurt, you usually talk about politics!" This is politics because what they're trying to do is normalize perversions and weirdness.

It is a perversion to publicly punch your own ticket on Zoom. That is a perversion, and our elite has once again rallied around someone after saying, "Well, he's gone through therapy!" as if this makes it okay. As if it clears the moral chalkboard for this guy. Remember, these are the same people saying, "Me Too, Me Too, Me Too."

No, no, no, don't count me into that. I don't want anything to do with that, okay? I like girls. Ick!

So this guy gets on with Alisyn Camerota, she's an attractive blonde, and she gets there, and she says, "Well, we have to address the elephant in the room. You were caught masturbating on Zoom!" And he's just sitting there.

And I'm like, "Oh my gosh." That's the most humiliating thing I've ever seen. Why would anyone do that? Then I realized the humiliation is part of the kink. That's part of it. That's one of the things he likes about it. Ick!

There's so much wrong here. Look, this is a liberal thing. Okay? Remember Louis C.K.? He was kind of doing the same thing with female comics. These guys who don't have a traditional kind of masculinity, I mean, you look at Toobin, the guy can't do a pushup. He doesn't know which end of an AR-15 goes bang. He has pronouns in his bio, probably.

He doesn't know how to be a man.

I don't know if I need to tell you guys this because you probably already know, but real men don't touch themselves in front of women for kicks...like that. Do you know what I'm sayin'? Because ew. And ick. And oh my gosh, I can't even believe that I have to be talking about how a television network or establishment or elite is trying to rehabilitate this onanistic weirdo. He seemed delighted to be on TV talking about it. That's part of it.

It's so alien to the rest of us. The idea of doing that in the first place, and then the idea of coming on TV and talking about it, "Attractive blonde lady, tell me more about how I disgraced and humiliated myself publicly. That just makes it all better." It's so gross. Dude, dude!

The thing is, what he got caught doing on the Zoom call was, as I said, probably in the big scheme of things, less destructive and embarrassing than the kind of legal opinions he gives out because he's terrible. But that doesn't matter.

Remember, the problem with our elite (that's about ten videos right there), one of the main problems is lack of accountability. And if you read my Townhall column last Monday, you'll know I wrote about "experts." The problem is lack of accountability. Nothing matters. No one ever holds them to account or says, "No, you're wrong." No one has said, "You know, Jeffrey Toobin, it's kind of wrong to stroke the trouser snake in public, to get your jollies making women feel uncomfortable. That's a wrong thing." No, they're saying, "Well, you know, therapeutically speaking, it probably has a lot to do with a lot of how my dad never hugged me" or something.

Ew.

There should be standards. And people who don't meet them should be held to account. The liberal elite doesn't do that for themselves. They do that for you, and what they do is create moving target standards, everchanging standards. I saw on Twitter just today, there's some liberal out there today saying, "You're transphobic if you won't date a transwoman."Okay, some of us like actual women, and we're not going to apologize for it, and we're not going to change. We're going to do what we want.

See, and that's why this stuff doesn't affect conservatives the same way. Because conservatives are just going to go, "No, we're not part of that." It's liberals who get caught up in it. It's liberals who do it. Why? Because they haven't been held accountable and because they kind of get off on it and it's gross. Bottom line: watch what you do on your camera, and don't be a liberal. Try and make it happen with someone else in the room. Just an idea. Just an idea. Just a thought. Just throwing it out there.

This is the Stream of Kurtiousness. I hope you've enjoyed it? Eeee... See you next week, bye. 

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