Our democracy is in peril, according to unbiased experts of expertise who really want Joe Manchin to roll-over on the filibuster. We have to pass the Perpetual Democrat Control Act now, or it’s curtains for our democracy, exclaim said experts passionately, with tears and teeth gnashing. Experts, of course, are never wrong, except when they are, which is pretty much all the time. Greg Sargent of the WaPo opined about the terrible terrors these experts fear in a column titled, “A frantic warning from 100 leading experts: Our democracy is in grave danger.” Whoa, a whole 100! And you know it’s getting real because they are “frantic.” After all, “[o]n the line is nothing less than the future of our democracy itself.” Oh no, not our democracy! Of course, we’re not a democracy, but whatever – hack clichés are gonna hack.
This all sounds pretty serious. Look at the looming threat posed by voter ID. Making people show an ID to vote is pretty awful for reasons and because and shut up, racist. But no one tell the Mexicans that – they require ID. So does most of the free world. They will be totally bummed to hear they are pretty much Nazis for making sure voters are who they say they are.
Also, and this is totally odd – all these neutral, objective experts that we are supposed to obey seem to find that the only reforms that threaten democracy are the ones that might help Republicans. Every Democrat bill is essential; every Republican proposal is Jim Crow on HGH. You would think, statistically, that there would be at least one GOP reform these unbiased arbiters would support that would gore their own donkey, but no. Lucky Democrats – the experts’ expertise all supports everything you want! What are the chances?
About 100%. For instance, look at money. Money is bad, except when it’s not. They are mucho cool with liberal billionaire bucks. Buying elections is fine if the buyer is in your caste. Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg spent more than $419.5 million via non-profit organizations to influence the 2020 election, but that’s fine because it helped Democrats. Spending that helps patriots, not so much.
But we should ignore our misgivings and respect our betters, and we should listen to their totally sincere and not-self-serving warnings. The expert firepower they are unleashing is formidable: “What’s striking is that the statement is signed by scholars who specialize in democratic breakdown, such as Pippa Norris, Daniel Ziblatt and Steven Levitsky.” Hell, if Pippa Norris, Daniel Ziblatt and Steven Levitsky are aboard, count me, and Joe Manchin, in! Sargent does mention someone we have heard of before, Francis Fukuyama, but we know of him only because he was so fabulously wrong when he wrote “The End of History and the Last Man.” So, the experts are nobodies and wrongbodies, but hey, they’re experts. And experts are smart and worthy of respect. Everyone wear your masks. I mean, don’t wear your masks. I mean double mask. I mean…damn it, just stop asking questions and obey!
Yeah, sure, Republicans are a massive threat to democracy, claim the pet experts of the billionaire-backed people who want Democrats to be able to cheat. There’s no serious doubt within anyone who isn’t already invested in the narrative du jour that this perilous peril is not just baloney but the whole lunch meat counter. Americans are appalled by the rigged 2020 election – rigged by a combination of outright fraud, by norm and law-breaking rule changes designed to benefit the Dems, and informally by an entire media actively campaigning to install * in office. And they demand the GOP provide election security regardless of the liberals’ experts’ whining.
This all comes at the same time the liberal elite is collectively soiling itself over the idea that somehow Donald Trump is going to organize a military coup to put him back into power. Well, if there’s one group of people that loves Trump, it’s the generals. Anyway, there’s no time for our woke military to interfere in domestic politics, not with all those other vital strategic imperatives out there, like addressing climate change, imposing critical race theory, and ensuring all our soldiers have the maximum transexual awareness.
But look on the bright side – pretty soon President * is going to call a permanent lid on his *administration and Klockwatcher Harris is going to take over, but she can’t pull off a coup either. It’s not like the woke generals could defeat those scruffy bandits in a relatively small country in two decades. I’m sure they would do better against 100 million armed American patriots, especially after most of their own troops decided to opt-out of waging war on their own kin for the benefit of liberal elitists.
The idea that there’s going to be an armed attempt to return Trump in triumph to Pennsylvania Avenue by the end of this summer is ludicrous, but that’s part of the charm for its intended audience of MSNBCNN fans. They adore any narrative that provides them the kind of fake boogeyman – like climate change or systemic racism – that they love to battle. They get to pretend they are courageous knights by slaying toothless dragons, like the Great Insurrection that never seems to come. Never have so many thought themselves so brave for risking so little: “We need to fearlessly resist Donald Trump before he destroys our democracy – send tweet!”
So, the experts should unbunch their panties and take a deep breath. We’re not going quit securing our elections, and it doesn’t look like their high-pitched, girlish shrieks are going to cause Joe Manchin to commit ritual electoral suicide in his deep red state. The Dem’s trash election fraud initiative is swirling down the toilet. Experts schmexperts, they’re just going to have to live with an electoral system that is almost, but not quite, as fair, honest, and secure as Mexico’s.
It’s getting close! My sixth Kelly Turnbull action thriller, The Split, is set to drop in June, but before that you should read my most recent bestseller, Crisis, as well as my other four novels about what happens when America splits into red and blue countries, People's Republic, Indian Country, Wildfire, and Collapse!