Ahoy, you skeevy traitors. How do you think your endgame goes? You turncoat weasels already have plenty to worry about. You know you’re just one Zoom away from Toobinnig yourselves all over Twitter but you really ought to worry about November 4th. For some reason, you think good times are dead ahead, like the figurative iceberg you rammed your garbage magazines and blogs into. That’s wrong. There is no good outcome for Team Treachery. Everyone hates you.
SPOILER: It’s because you suck.
Now, you're always talking about how you’ll be at the vanguard of the insiders who will rebuild the Republican Party after its four-year flirtation with effectiveness and actually conserving stuff. The clinical term for this kind of fantasy is “delusional.” Name someone awaiting the return of the people who got us into Iraq, put up McCain and Romney as willing sacrificial lambs, and who went full Dick Morris toe-slurping on the left the second they realized conservatism had left them behind? Maybe its one of those doughy geebos you find for your insufferable Lincoln Project vids about how “I was a Republican until Trump started actually doing conservative stuff and I couldn’t handle it”? With Trump grabbing about 95 percent of Republican votes, actual Republican Never Trumpers are as rare as Bulwark staffers who can do a push-up.
There’s no coming back from this. Kasich, your daddy doesn’t ring twice. You’re out. Kristol, your cruises will be ghost ships. French, kiss off. And the rest of you, don’t go away mad, just go away broken and humiliated by your utter failure and total rejection.
Now, the Colonel Klinks of Conservatism – practically the only kind of colonel among these puny cheerleaders of every ridiculous military adventure they bumbled us into in the last couple decades – may imagine that when voters give them Trump again, they can wring a few more bucks out of their Silicon Valley suckers. The only thing they are good at is the grift, and the grifting is good – right now.
Never Trump is highly profitable, but only until the griftee gets wise. That’s what happened with the conservatives who sent them money for decades before the true extent of the True Conservative™ suck dawned on the base. Now the Fredocons have to beg for bucks from lib tech titans and other lefties eager to exploit what the con artists present as their unique ability to reach conservatives. They reach no one. The tech guys would be better off lighting the cash on fire, and eventually they will wise up and Never Trump will have to seek a new set of hapless marks. In the meantime, they can go back to their usual cash strategy of not paying their debts. Deadbeaterry is the truest form of True Conservatism™.
It’s probably unfair to claim that money is their sole motivation. After all, the ringleaders cash the big checks and the rest of the cruise ship crew gobble ramen or whatever other high-carb processed junk they can buy in bulk at Costco. Pride plays a big part in it. When the useless Bushes – properly prostrate Republicans of the old school – were in charge, Bill Kristol used to dial up the White House and his call went right through. Now the staffer working the phones takes a message and wonders why the funny man from City Slickers was calling the president.
It must be humiliating to one day have prestige and influence and the next be dancing on Twitter so libs toss you nickels. But then, there has always been a creepy undercurrent of submission and masochism associated with the Never Trump brand. There’s a huge ick factor when you see them eagerly repudiating everything they once said they believe in to score a slot on some unwatched MSNBCNN show with a host who is a potato. They actually seem to take a kinky delight in the abuse they invite, and some speculate that their strapping, sweaty domestic workers enjoy the fringe benefits of these weirdos’ bizarre lifestyle.
Of course, they treasure their dream of returning to glory in the wake of Grandfather Badfinger’s victory over Trump on November 3rd. They imagine they will get to share in the spoils of a Democrat one-party state. That’s funny. See, the liberals hate them as much as they hate us – maybe more. Human beings naturally hold traitors in contempt, and that’s what the Never Trumpers are.
The usual suspects like Kasich, Whitman, and Flake are all eagerly having buddies in the media float their names as possible “bipartisan” candidates for Oldfinger cabinet gigs. Sure, Biden will waste a slot he can use to reward someone who matters on one of these perpetual losers. What will happen is that when the liberals stop thinking these useful idiots are useful, their phone calls will start going to voicemail.
Whoever wins on November 3rd, the Never Trumpers lose. They will not be a part of a ruling Republican or Democrat administration, nor will they be part of the future direction of either the Republican or Democrat parties. Everyone hates them. Conservatives hate them. Liberals hate them. And at some level, they quite rightly hate themselves,
Want to really tick off these Toobinesque mediocrities? Support great actual conservative candidates who can claw back purple seats, like James Bognet in Pennsylvania and Michelle Steele in California. They can win if you help!
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The fifth book in my best-selling conservative thriller series about America falling apart is CRISIS, and it is coming out in November. Prep by reading People's Republic, Indian Country, Wildfire, and Collapse. Bill Kristol, no doubt speaking with his mouth full, called them “appalling.” Also, get my new intentionally non-fiction book The 21 Biggest Lies about Donald Trump (and You!)!