Opinion

Hey Democrats, Impeach This!

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Posted: Sep 30, 2019 12:01 AM
The opinions expressed by columnists are their own and do not represent the views of Townhall.com.
Hey Democrats, Impeach This!

Source: AP Photo/Pablo Martinez Monsivais

We battlecons are torn over the Democrats’ decision to be dumb enough to double-down on impeaching the President after three years of non-stop humiliation. Crusty Bob Mueller was a bust, their hero Michael Avenatti is looking at hard time in every sense of the word, and they were stunned to find that a huge portion of the American people thought it was pretty cool to have a POTUS who could score with Playboy Playmates. 

On the one hand, it’s bad because this impeachment garbage is bad for the country. The damage it is doing to our institutions – really, that our institutions are doing to themselves in their shameful service of the liberal elite’s power grabs – is incalculable. Remember 10 years ago when we conservatives trusted and respected the FBI and our intelligence community? Good times. Well, that’s over. It will be decades before a woke Republican is stupid enough to trust them again.

But on the other hand, we now have an opportunity to exploit their strategic blunder in order to rip them apart next November. We have a chance to teach the Democrats, to the extent they are trainable, that their socialist-curious, corporatist nanny state dreams are electoral strychnine. 

Letting these creeps steal our country from us is worse than the resulting carnage from the fight they’ve picked. We could roll over, but instead we’ll take the hit to keep our liberty. In the end, after many figurative casualties, impeachment is going to boomerang on these clowns. The elite insiders are willfully blind to the fact that the key question to Normal Americans will be, “What was that brother’s widow-marrying, coke-snorting, kicked-out-of-the-Navy-in-disgracing, non-Ukrainian-speaking loser scion doing getting paid $50K a month by an oligarch that wasn’t directly related to his gropey pa being Obama’s veep/court jester?” 

Hunter Biden’s beyond a mere prodigal son – he’s a catastrophe of Biblical proportions, compounded by Hairplug One thinking it was super-duper savvy to brag about helping his snorterrific son on video. The media will try and hide it. The Democrats will declare it – have already declared it – out-of-bounds and irrelevant, but they can’t gate-keep that question from being asked forever. And the answer to the question is that our liberal elite is terminally corrupt.

Also on the plus side is how this goofy coup is pumping up the militant Republican base, which is flooding the Trump campaign with small-donor cash. It is also causing the long-overdue enwokening of many of those who had, until now, dwelled in their non-binary “Oh well I never!” bubbles of Trump disdain. It is and always was a binary choice, them or us, and “them” is looking positively Venezuala-esque.

The exceptions are the usual pseudo-con siss-pects like Ben Sasse, who absolutely refuse to acknowledge that this travesty is not about “truth” or “justice,” and who sanctimoniously announce that they are “waiting to make a decision until they see all the evidence.” Those saps. Like the decision wasn’t already made in Nancy’s office over Chardonnay and Zimas. Like there’s any evidence. If there was any evidence, Adam Schiff wouldn’t have had to invent it. Everything is a lie and a scam, and like judo masters, the Democrats can always use the weight of these dorks’ stuffy unwokeness to flip them on their spineless Fredocons backs. 

This bizarre notion that it’s somehow wrong for the president to identify and investigate manifest corruption is going to play terribly outside the Beltway and the coastal enclaves. The purple district Democrats who got elected in 2018 are sweating, knowing that they did not get sent to DC to be "yes people" for the likes of The Squad. Nancy Pelosi knows it too. She’s evil, but cunning, and she understands that the GOP under Trump can’t be shamed away from going for her tenuous majority’s jugular. 

This is why we have only Impeachment Lite, a fake impeachment “process” that is really just a kicky new label on the same tired old dish soap. It does not necessitate anyone casting any actual votes and preserves the deniability of her terrified Trump district caucus members – moderate mollusks like Conor Lamb (D-Might As Well Be CA) can posture just enough to satisfy their out-of-district donors, yet (they hope) not alienate their actual in-the-district voters. 

The impeachment inquiry tease is enough, for now, to satisfy the radicals, but eventually they will realize that they are getting played by Nancy. She basically let them take her out on a date, buy her a lobster dinner, and then left them hot n’ bothered on her doorstep with a vigorous handshake.

Suckers.

Nancy wants this all to fade way, understanding how dangerous it is in a way the brother-wedding dummies and Hamas cheerleaders who make up the new Democrat mainstream can’t. But she might have to go with the flow if the flow gets too strong. She can probably get 217 Democrats and plus that Justin Amash weirdo to vote to impeach if it comes to that, but then it heads over to the Senate and the tender mercies of Cocaine Mitch. If you haven’t heard about Hoover Biden before, oh, you sure will have by the time the GOP gets through with the trial. 

And then the Senate will vote to acquit and the Democrats will get to run on, “We didn’t pass anything to make your life better because we were focused on being publicly pantsed, again, by Donald Trump and his pal the Murder Turtle.”

There is the possibility – remote, but worth considering – that the kind of spineless invertebratism of the remaining Mitt Romneys in the GOP somehow leads to 20 Republicans joining the Democrats and removing Trump on whatever trumped-up charges eventually take shape. The softcons imagine a return to the status quo ante of progressive victories and gentlemanly defeat for conservatives. Good luck with that. Do they think Americans will just sort of sigh, think “Well, we had a good run as citizens – time to be subjects,” and just go along? Or do you think the Democrats will start another round of civil chaos like they did when the Republicans refused to sign-off on slavery forever? 

Here’s the harsh truth – Donald Trump is not the American people’s last chance. He’s the elite’s last chance, and those dummies simply refuse to see it.

If you want to read a thrilling and amusing, while also terrifying, account of what happens if America is dumb enough to let these coup-plotting dweebs prevail, check out my action-packed yet hilarious novels, People's Republic, Indian Country and Wildfire. They are the kind of books that make ex-Weekly Standard writers cry, but then so do girls, cutting carbs, and the prospect of not getting a Georgetown cocktail party invitation. Ahoy!