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Thank you, John Sterling

Good Riddance To Bob Mueller

The opinions expressed by columnists are their own and do not necessarily represent the views of
AP Photo/Andrew Harnik

Is it wrong to take pleasure in the utter humiliation of Robert Mueller? If it is, then I’m sure not right. We are not going to get formal justice – if this fiasco has taught us anything, it is that – but at least we got to see some karma in action. It was Mueller Time all right and that human punchline we saw there on TV, forgetting and fumbling, is now Mueller For All Time.


Serves him right. Slink away, Bobby. Just go. You’ve done enough damage to too many individuals and to our country. Be gone.

Sure, his service as a Marine destroying damn communists in the '60s goes a long way, but then spearheading, in a figurehead sort of way, the dishonorable destruction of the lives of many, many decent Americans for the unforgivable crime of daring to work with a president our elite disdains more than balances out the good. Mueller made a choice to play along with the soft coup because, like so many other useless DC creatures, he felt that his caste had the right to countermand the will of the electorate.

So, don’t expect me to shed any tears for his tattered reputation. When all those innocent people he trashed in his quest to undo the 2016 election get their reputations back – and when they get made whole from being impoverished by the lawyer bills they were forced to incur – I’ll start caring that Robert Mueller’s legacy will be that of a doddering oaf who scratched his scattered head and wondered aloud what that newfangled “Fusion GPS” was.

Oh boy, he locked up Manafort, but not any Podestas or anyone else not associated with Trump. Dossier? What dossier?

The fix was in, except he and his band of I’m With Her prosecutors couldn’t even pull off the frame.

To the extent I was glad that the GOP inquisitors eventually eased up on him when it became obvious that he was a sad joke manipulated by the Felonia Milhous von Pantsuit donors who made up his staff, it was only because, as a trial lawyer, I know that sometimes too much righteous wrath, no matter how righteous, has the effect of generating sympathy for those who deserve none. He offered no mercy to his victims, only payoffs to those who groveled for him – Joseph Mifsud lied to him multiple times and yet he remains unindicted. Mike Flynn, after decades of military service that meant nothing to the people constantly trumpeting Mueller’s, didn’t lie (according to the FBI agents he allegedly lied to), but he got threatened into pleading out to save his son from Mueller’s pack of jackals.


That’s your Robert Mueller for you.

He’s one of our betters, you know. He is one of those DC paragons of public service, character and virtue against which our nasty, brutish and short resumes pale. He’s the protector of our sacred institutions or, more accurately, his sacred institutions. We’ve seen with crystal clarity exactly who those institutions are designed to work for, and, not surprisingly, it is people like Robert Mueller. Tell me more about the FBI’s sterling rep, please. Tell us how its dedicated leaders were concerned with protecting America from threats, not with protecting their own power and position from the threat of the citizens choosing politicians with the wrong politics. I liked it better when the worst you could say about an FBI director was that he looked a little salty in a black cocktail dress.

Of course, Jim Comey lied and gave classified info to his media allies – and its so awesome that our glorious media allies itself with powerful officials in the alleged intelligence/justice community – but we all know he will never be held accountable for it even though if we did it we’d be busy redeeming our own personal Shawshanks. Did anyone even bother asking Mueller if he thought about indicting his buddy the Looming Doofus? I don’t recall, to quote Absent Bob. Probably no one bothered because we all know the answer. The manifest, repeated and unrepentant wrongdoing of members-in-good-standing of the elite was not within his purview.


After all, accountability for the elite is never within the elite’s purview. Imagine if Trump did to the emails Mueller subpoenaed what Hillary did to hers. Why, the Grand Marshal of the Supreme Court would have been in the Oval Officer bearing handcuffs.

All his liberal fans, all the breathless fans waiting for Bob the Avenger to make the Bad Orange Man take the treason rap he deserved for doing…well, nothing. That was Mueller’s painful conclusion. Trump did none of the colluding we were promised. It nearly broke Mueller to say it – or, rather, his staff to write it since Bob was off on a park bench tossing bits of his P n’ J crusts to the local pigeons while Hillary’s ex-ambulance chasers were desperately trying to gin up something, anything to bring Trump down.

And when it became obvious to them that the whole collusion hoax was a hoax, Mueller didn’t stand up and say “Pack it in, ladies and gentleman. We can breath a sigh of relief that our president is no traitor. Phew.” No, they kept going, looking for something else, anything else, that would banish the nightmare of a non-elitist exercising the power that belongs to the elite caste.

They struggled mightily to create the notion – embraced by idiots like Ted Lieu, scamsters like Adam Schiff and loonies on Twitter who do 346-tweet threads on OBSTRUCTION! – that you could obstruct justice by covering up a crime that never happened if you fired an incompetent FBI director, as any other president could do at any time for any reason. They failed, leaving only the pathetic innuendo of the report Mueller was utterly unfamiliar with to hint at “obstruction.” In the process, they destroyed the whole idea of the presumption of innocence, but then we have learned that norms, rules and even laws only count when they protect the power of the elite, not when they prevent the elite exercising its power.


Mueller is truly the manifestation of our elite – overpraised, overconfident, and just plain over. If you are still so lacking at wokeness that you still can’t understand how we got Trump, take a look at Bob Mueller…our better Bob Mueller, our intellectual and moral superior. If he’s our best, our best isn’t good enough.

Slink away, Bob, and take your whole useless caste of failure, grifters and creeps with you.

For a look at what happens if Trump fails, check out my action-packed yet highly amusing novels about the United States’ split into red and blue countries, People's RepublicIndian Country and Wildfire. These quality books have been called “Appalling” and have earned the hatred of loser leftists and the geeks who sank the Weekly Standard. This is conservative literature’s greatest honor.

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