Opinion

I Hate #Science Because All Conservatives Hate #Science

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Posted: May 23, 2019 12:01 AM
The opinions expressed by columnists are their own and do not represent the views of Townhall.com.
I Hate #Science Because All Conservatives Hate #Science

Source: AP Photo/J. Scott Applewhite

Liberals sure love #Science, but like all conservatives I just hate #Science so very, very much. Did you know that 97% of #Science-people, who clearly love #Science, agree that the global warming climate crisis means we have to immediately give the liberal elite a bunch of our money and freedom because of #Science? Well, we do – and as of a couple of months ago, noted #Scientist AOC informed us that we have exactly 12 years to do it. Okay, 11 years, ten months. Tick tock!

You know it’s true #Science because of the specificity of her 12 years figure. Not 11 years. Not 13 years. Twelve years. Now you’re talking some #Science! What can’t #Science do?

Well, it apparently can’t explain what a fetus is. #Science, according to those who love #Science, does not teach us that the human baby inside the human mother that will indisputably be a human being someday is a human being from day one. It’s unclear what #Science says it is. Take your pick: a miscellaneous clump of cells, a parasite, a cancer analog. But #Science does teach us that whatever it is, #Science won’t let it interfere with the liberal elite’s pro-abortion narrative that destroying it is a morally inconsequential act.

See, the truly useful thing about #Science is its flexibility. It’s not going to let its conclusions be clouded by inconvenient facts, observations or evidence.

#Science is reliable.

Reliably liberal.

The simpleminded among you might demand some sort of false consistency where #Science presents all the evidence, no matter what effect it has vis a vis the liberal narrative. But consistency is a bourgeois construct that fails to recognize that the primary purpose of any ideology, institution or method, like #Science, is to support the liberal elite’s agenda. That’s why #Science can overlook irritating facts and principles established by science that make it harder to achieve the liberal elite’s goals.

Hot weather? Proof positive of climate change.

Cold weather? Also proof positive of climate change.

#Science is very, very flexible.

For instance, the trans frenzy involves spotlighting the struggle of a statistically insignificant number of unusual individuals in order to disrupt the traditional social order by freaking out the squares. You are one of the squares, if you did not know that already. By creating a social movement that erases the difference between men and women, and which forces people to become complicit in the lie that men can morph into women and vice versa, the liberal elite seeks to do what it always does. It seeks to increase its power by diminishing your autonomy. Today, you can’t speak the truth about gender. Tomorrow it will be some other truth that you are forbidden to utter.

Non-hashtag science creates an obstacle though, because men have men chromosomes and women have women chromosomes and no matter how necessary it is to the struggle that people’s sex be alterable upon a whim, that scientific fact is not going to change. But that’s where #Science comes in. #Science not only provides useful support to leftist arguments – as with the climate change scam – but it also helpfully steps out of controversies where its input might undercut the approved conclusions.

This is why you don’t see a lot of #Science folk standing up and saying, “All the surgery and hormones in the world are not going to make a woman a man.” They either say nothing, or construct a #Scientific rational out of babble and deceit about how “gender is a fluid spectrum of non-binaryhood for some reason” and stamp the #Science name on it.

Where science is objective, #Science is subjective. But #Science still demands the credibility and deference that goes with being objective, and if you won’t submit and give it that respect – if you won’t ignore your lying eyes and nod along with the lie that #Science is neutral and agenda-free – then you are a knuckle-dragging Jesus person who hates science.

Yeah, Christians hate #Science. I was just at church, and the pastor was totally explaining to the congregation that includes a huge number of doctors, computer experts and aerospace engineers, how awful fancy book learning is. We hate #Science so much!

Science, not so much.

Of course, the big #Science thing lately has been the global warming grift. That “97% of #Scientists” figure the cultists toss around is absolute genius. What’s it mean, anyway? Do 97% of #Scientists agree that the climate is changing? Actually, everyone agrees with that – that the Earth’s climate changes over time is why we had an ice age. Well, we had an ice age a long time ago. We did not have one after the #Science people promised an ice age in the 1970s. But shhhh! We’re not supposed to mention that.

Want to know what the proposed solution for the '70s ice age that never arrived was? Give the liberal elite more money and power. Overpopulation was another big crisis in the '70s too. It never arrived either. The solution to that was to give the liberal elite more money and power. And when they were warning us about acid rain destroying us in the '80s? The solution to that crisis was also to give the liberal elite more money and power. The ozone hole? Yep, more of our money and power to the liberal elite. Back in the 1990s, the Al Gores of the world were warning us that we had just 10 years left to save the Earth unless … wait for it … we gave the liberal elite more money and power.

Sense some themes?

Each of these crises all had two things in common. Thing One was that none of these doomsdays ever produced the promised doom. Thing Two was that each was a demand to give the liberal elite more money and power.

#Science is never humble. You would think with a track record of self-serving failure like that, #Scientists would be less certain about their doomsday du jour prognostications. But nope. #Science means never having to say you’re sorry nor, apparently, having to explain why, after being wrong again and again and again about climate catastrophes, we should believe that they’re right this time.

Remember, #Science owes you no explanations for its failures nor evidence supporting its assertions. Instead, you owe it unquestioned obedience and deference because, after all, it’s #Science.

So, back to the 97% scam. What do 97% of all #Scientists believe? We never hear that. Do they believe human activity has some effect, even a tiny one, on the climate? That’s a far cry from 97% believing in the entire climate crisis narrative – that unless we act right now to transfer much, much more money and much, much more freedom to the liberal elite, we’re all going to…what?

The “what” never ends up getting explained. It gets a couple degrees hotter in a century? Okay, but some land becomes desert, doesn’t other presently frigid land warm up? The seas are going to rise a few inches? Okay, so? Move. Storms are going to happen? Aren’t we in a notably light hurricane era?

Hey, do 97% of #Scientists agree on what the proper temperature is? What is it? And how did they decide that that was the proper temperature?

Of course, asking such questions is heresy, in that #Science has more in common with a primitive nature-spirit religion than with actual science. Science, of course, as opposed to #Science, actually works with facts and evidence to establish the truth, rather than establishing the narrative and cherry-picking support for it.

Yeah, we hate #Science all right. And this infuriates the liberal elite, so much so that they would totally burn us at the stake for our blasphemy if it could ever come up with enough carbon off-set credits.

I may hate #Science, but I love action-packed yet super-snarky novels about the United States’ split into red and blue countries, such as my books People's RepublicIndian Country and Wildfire. And no, when you get them electronically as e-books (as opposed to in paperback) that has nothing to do with science. It’s magic. Conservative magic.