Opinion

Please Don‘t Shut Down The Government, Democrats, Because That Would Be Awful (Not)

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Posted: Jan 18, 2018 12:01 AM
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Please Don‘t Shut Down The Government, Democrats, Because That Would Be Awful (Not)

What a tragedy it would be if Democrats made good on their threat and decided DACA was so important that they must shut down the federal government over it. Please don’t! Why, I’d be heartbroken if the government did less and a bunch of foreigners didn’t get rewarded for ignoring our laws. I think this is just the right hill for the Democrats to choose to fight to the death on, and I encourage them to do so. Throw us right in that briar patch, because you are smart and savvy and there’s no way a big dummy like Trump could beat you and make you look like fools.

Again.

You remember DACA? It’s an acronym that stands for “That Thing Democrats Want To Use To Fill The Voter Rolls With Foreigners And GOP Donors Want To Use To Get More Serfs To Work For Peanuts While Actual Americans Get Shafted And Called ‘Racist’ If They Dare Complain.” The Democrats desperately want DACA because you Normal people have let them down and voted for your own interests rather than in the way Nancy Pelosi instructed you. Bad, bad electorate! You definitely need to be replaced.

The GOP wants it because its big money donors want it because you actual Americans demand to be treated with respect by your employers and, well, paying Americans what they’re worth is bad for business. And the Senate GOP Sissy Caucus of sanctimonious twits wants it because it gives them a chance to pose and preen and pretend to have the moral high ground over those wicked evil bad bad bad Republicans who want to do what actual Republican voters want done instead of being guided by the eccentric moral compass that Jeff Flake keeps inside himself right next to his head.

The “Schumerhole” controversy arose because Donald Trump indicated that giving Big Amnesty everything it wanted, and in return allowing him to totally alienate his base, was a bad deal. “Perhaps creating a controversy wherein a bunch of liberals and simpering Republican Fredocons would go into full fake high-dudgeon mode might coerce Trump into doing something he was not inclined to do,” thought some dummy who had apparently not paid any attention to how Trump operates for a single second in the last two-and-a-half years.

Cory Booker’s crying, damn it! This Schiff just got real.

Well, since Trump refuses to cooperate and commit political hari-kari to help out the people who want him drawn and quartered, they have to try something else. Hey, how about shutting down the federal government? That sounds like a good plan. How could that go wrong?

Please do it.

Here’s the thing – most of Trump supporters aren’t takers – they’re makers. They’re the people the government flunkies come to with their palms up whenever some bureaucrat wants to spend a zillion bucks studying LGBT issues among Antarctic penguins or funding the NPR’s X-rated reenactments of the Nativity. How sad are Trump’s supporters going to be if the deal is, “We don’t hand over citizenship to a bunch of people who shouldn’t be here and everyone they’re related to down to their 29th cousin three times removed, and in return, we make the government stop spending money.”

There is literally no Trump voter who will say, “Why, that’s a terrible deal! If that happens, we don’t give amnesty and we don’t spend money!”

Not one.

To the extent that a shut-down hurts some of the government’s few useful employees, like the members of our military, I eagerly look forward to Chuck n’ Nancy and the other circus freaks who make up the Democrat Capitol Crew explaining to the American people why they chose to make our men and women in uniform suffer so the Democrats can import some new ballot stuffers. “Support the troops unless we need to screw them over so we can ship in foreigners to vote for future Maryland Senator Chelsea Manning” seems like a flawed message, which is why I heartily encourage the Dems to try it out.

We all saw the elaborate kabuki theater of the last shut-down, where Obama’s minions took a break from using our intelligence services to spy on Felonia Milhous von Pantsuit’s political enemies and made sure that the shut-down effects were as public and inconvenient as possible. The Democrat media soiled itself with delight as it covered sad schoolkids forbidden to gaze upon the Washington Monument because the GOP hates children, the Washington Monument, and gazing.

Think that will happen this time? This time, there aren’t going to be a bunch of camera–friendly blockades erected for the benefit of licensed professional journalists. Sure, there will be lay-offs, but somehow you don’t get the same poignant effect of a Battle of the Bulge vet blocked from honoring his fallen comrades at the World War II Memorial when you are stuck interviewing some unionized Department of Education Assistant Deputy Timeserver for Urban Self-Esteem Issues who is sitting in his $750,000 McMansion in Falls Church on a furlough sobbing about how it’s all so unfair.

See, here’s the problem for the Democrats: You shut down the federal government and the vast majority of Republicans will do just fine. Hell, they’ll positively thrive. But the Democrats? Their constituents are both the chunky bureaucrats who make $100K a year shuttling papers from Box A into Box B, and the lazy lay-abouts who exist to wait for the postman – who should be privatized – to bring their check from Uncle Sucker.

So if the Democrats decide to shut down the government over DACA, awesome. Go out and make the case that, in addition to all the other inconveniences, injuries, and expenses Americans have borne as a result of people disrespecting our laws and coming here illegally, we now have to shut down our government because of them too. Sounds like a well thought-out plan. Go ahead, Dems. Give it a try. There’s no way Trump is going to humiliate you again. Sure, you tell yourselves that every time you go up against him, but hey, you gotta win sometime. You Dems are totally due.