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Oh, Colorado! It's a Joker; It's a Smoker; It's a Midnight Toker

The opinions expressed by columnists are their own and do not necessarily represent the views of Townhall.com.

At the stroke of midnight, in different time zones, two dopes made history in 2014.

The first dope made history in New York City, when a politician left of Leon Trotsky was elected mayor of New York.

Yes, here in the United States.

His first order of business?

Get rid of horse carriages.

Yes. He's doing it because a liberal will do lots of things they can do, once given the power to, good idea or not.

In his bid to bring poor people and rich people closer together, he’s getting rid of horse carriages.

“We are going to quickly and aggressively move to make horse carriages no longer a part of the landscape in New York City,” Mr. de Blasio said at a news conference as reported by the New York Times. “They are not humane.”

Um, no…they’re equine.

Glad he can tell the difference between a horse’s ashhhh…ah, forget it.

In any event, he didn’t seem to posses such knowledge when he was supporting the communists in Nicaragua known as the Sandanistas.

de Blasio, as many such morons do, went to Nicaragua in 1988 to help the children. At the time president Reagan was helping the Contras topple the Sandanistas, who were allied with Cuba and the Soviet Union.

But, scratch a liberal and somewhere, somehow, they’ll blurt out that it’s all about the children.

“Bill de Blasio, then 26,” writes the NYT, “went to Nicaragua to help distribute food and medicine in the middle of a war between left and right. But he returned with something else entirely: a vision of the possibilities of an unfettered leftist government.”

Unfettered leftist government is what is known as sugarplums to Commies at Christmas time.

And you thought New York was in trouble when Weiner and Spitzer were running for mayor?

Ha! Welcome to Barack Obama's America where perverts look better than the converts.

The second dope made history in 2014, at the stroke of midnight Mile High style-- that is mountain time-- when eight dope stores in the Denver area opened. They each can legally sell up to one ounce of marijuana per day to Colorado residents and lesser amounts to those from out of state thanks to 2012’s referendum or proposition or direct democratic vote that legalizes such sales.

Like de Blasio, Colorado can’t tell a horse’s ashhh…ah, forget it.

“Proponents have long called the legalized sales [of marijuana] a windfall for state coffers since retail pot will come with a hefty 25% state tax on top of the usual sales tax of 2.9%,” reports the LA Times. “By some estimates it is expected to generate $67 million a year, with $27.5 million designated for schools, officials said.”

Almost a third of the money goes to kids?

Hey kids: Let’s Get Stoned for Students!

With a male, teenaged child in public school in Colorado, I’m not sure I feel comfortable selling his soul for the $27-point-whatever that will go to schools he’ll never attend.

But even if he did attend a school that got money, I’m wondering if there’d be a way to opt out.

Probably not.

At this rate they'll have to change the state song from "Where the Columbines Grow" to "Where the Cannabis Grows." Or how about "Oh, Cannabis!" That's be great during hockey games.

Where's the Steve Miller Band when you need them?

I'm a joker, I'm a smoker
I'm a midnight toker
I get my lovin' from a bong

Don’t get me wrong. I’m all for idiots exercising their constitutional right to kill their brain cells by inhaling “Larry OG, a potent strain of marijuana that connoisseurs like for its euphoric rush”-- and now available at health food stores in the Denver area—and thus also available to my child, because it will help the schools.

There’ll be a lot less competition for me when stoners stay at home and toke; less for jobs, girls, food…ok, maybe not food,

But I can do without the liberal hypocrisy that justifies the law by “helping children.”

Because whether you are the Sandanistas, or di Blasio, or Obama or any of the other wild-eyed do gooders that screw up the world in the name of saving children, I have a message for you: You don’t have to believe in the devil to sell your soul to him.

All you have to do is vote for him.

In fact, in the process of selling your soul you may just become the devil.

If you don’t believe me, try to count the number of lies the White House-- and the Democrat leadership-- has tried to tell you to support Obamacare.

Yes, the Obamacare that isn’t providing more coverage; the Obamacare that isn’t providing lower costs; the Obamacare that isn’t reducing the deficit.

Yes, that Obamacare. The Obamacare that promised you something for nothing and kept half the promise by producing nothing.

Let’s face it: the dopes are in charge.

We’ve put them there.

And that means we can’t tell a horse’s ashhh…ah, forget it

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