President Obama- and yes I only capitalized the “p” in president because it was at the beginning of the sentence…. Anyway, as I was saying, president Obama can be best described as the anti-president. He apparently doesn’t care much for getting things done as long as not doing something doesn’t interfere with neglecting keys areas.
Because, there are some areas in which action is absolutely unacceptable to the country’s first Chief Neglectative Officer; and yes, the phrase C.N.O.? I will capitalize it; it’s THAT important.
Freed from responsibilities to the rest of us- since he never has to run for re-election again, he has “flexibility;” Obama can in the next four years become the community re-organizer that he always dreamed of.
So, now what he did for Chicago, he can do for the entire country.
Catch Ransom Notes Radio Wednesday segment:
Ezra Klein is an Idiot
It’s almost as if one of his fathers once told him “Son, one day you’ll be president of Indonesia or Malaysia or- dream of dreams- China. And I want you to bring the smallest mind and the least amount of imagination to the job. Far more important than doing anything is collecting lists of people’s email addresses, phone numbers and fishy internet rumors. I don’t know what any of that means, but I know in that way, you can narrowly hold on to power. And the reign of inaction can continue.”
So in tribute to the great man of inaction, our first Chief Neglectative Officer, I’ve compiled a list of things Obama doesn’t care about.
This way you can just dismiss these things as unimportant.
Because Obama’s REALLY tired of hearing about stuff you think is important, ok?
While the list below contains some of the key areas where I have noticed Obama doesn’t care, I realize that with a list like this I might have missed something. In fairness to Obama, there may be other areas where he really doesn’t care even more than I may have suspected; or I may have flat out missed his irritation with us for bringing up petty annoyances like, say…
Jobs- Uh-oh. There I go ticking off the great man again for talking about jobs. One thing Obama’s learned about people looking for jobs: They are unlikely to give six-figure donations to a presidential campaign. Once Obama can get people to stop looking for jobs, the “jobs” problem of people always talking about jobs, looking for jobs, complaining about jobs, will be solved.
Spending- No wonder John Boehner and Obama don’t get along well. Boehner won’t shut his yap about the government spending too much. Boehner is now number 2,347,552 on Obama’s naughty list- including the members of the commission that he appointed to investigate government spending- because they just don’t know when to shut up.
You know it’s really bad form to criticize someone who has the main responsibility for thinking up new and innovative ways of creating money for the government to spend on things. Instead of being amazed by the brilliance of the $1 trillion, platinum coin idea, the rest of us laughed it off.
But Obama wants you to know he doesn’t care. Michelle still thinks he’s dreamy.
Deficit- OK, it’s unfair of me to include this one, because Obama does care about the deficit. Anytime he wants to raise taxes, he calls upon the almighty deficit by leading us all in “preyer.”
One day our prey may be the rich, one day the prey may be the middle class or one day the prey may be the waiters and waitresses who find their hours cut due to a mandate coming from the Obama administration.
So, the deficit? He doesn’t care much about that, per se. But preying?
He’s always preying.
Healthcare- Shhh. Don’t say this too loudly. Obama and Ezra Klein might be listening. And then we’d be in for it. The Washington Post would go all Wonkbook on us, blogging us all down as “deniers,” or just too dumb to notice the sleight of hand that relates healthcare costs to deficit reduction.
Obama managed to raise enough money through taxes to “project” fixing a problem the government created in the first place, so voila…you don’t have to care about healthcare anymore, even if the projections have no chance in hell of coming true.
Obama doesn’t care, neither do insurance companies. They’d both appreciate if you’d just shut up about it right now.
Israel- Look he really wishes you’d stop saying that Israel is our top ally in the Middle East. He doesn’t care about that. We’re not being fair to well-established, week-old groups like The People's Front of Egypt, Syrian People's Front, and the Malian Popular People's Front.
Again, this isn’t meant as a comprehensive list of the things the great man doesn’t care about.
If it was I would have including you, me and sometimes Hispanics on this list as well.
So let’s do our president a favor and try to list all the things he he’s apathetic about below.
Or, on the other hand, maybe I don’t care.