As Joe Biden climbed out of his political grave, CNN anchors were so excited they wriggled like puppies about to wet the carpet and called him "The Comeback Kid."
Biden did make a spectacular comeback on Super Tuesday. But what about Bernie Sanders?
With 60 percent of Democratic Party delegates still up for grabs, with the Democratic Media Complex in lockstep with Biden, what should Bernie do?
If Sanders truly wants to fight for the Democratic nomination and not roll over for the establishment as he did in 2016, then he, too, should call Biden the Comeback Kid.
But Bernie should say it loudly in Ukrainian:
According to Google Translator, anyway. I hope that's right and it doesn't mean "creepy old guy who sniffs women's hair without asking" or "lying dog-faced pony soldier." If you can't trust Google, what's the news business coming to?
Joe's son Hunter Biden should know how to pronounce Povernennya Dytyny. Hunter had that $50,000-a-month no-show job with Ukrainian natural gas company Burisma, when his daddy was the Obama administration point man in Ukraine leveraging the firing of prosecutors against U.S. loan guarantees. And Hunter scored big in China, too, because his name was Biden.
But Hunter's too busy to teach conversational Ukrainian. He's probably boning up on natural gas jargon before he's called to testify before the Senate Judiciary Committee. Sen. Lindsey Graham, R.-S.C., the committee chairman, wants Hunter as a witness to get to the bottom of that swampy Ukrainian business.
If you dare mention Hunter and Ukraine, the Democratic establishment pols start frothing at the mouth. So, I'll light a candle and pray Donna Brazile doesn't tell me to "go to hell." It's Lent, Donna. C'mon, man.
If Bernie Sanders wants to really fight and draw a contrast between himself and Biden, he should go to that Ukrainian business. Yammering about Biden and Social Security won't cut it.
Joe Biden is a swamp creature and his family has scored off Joe's political leverage, just as if Joe were mayor of Chicago in the old days. Bernie is not a swamp creature. He's an ideologue of the left and the Democratic establishment hates him.
It's not policy. They're all going the same direction. This is about control. If the Democratic establishment had a choice between losing elections or losing control of the party, they'd lose elections. Without control of the party they have no leverage to make their deals. The Republican establishment was the same in 2016. They would have rather lost the White House than have President Donald Trump run their party. But Trump rushed them and fought in the mud and the blood and the beer, biting ears off and giving no quarter.
Sanders didn't fight against Hillary Clinton as if it were a battle to the death. He let her off the hook on that scandal about her unsecured email.
With the Democratic establishment and the Beltway media in lockstep against him, Bernie, too, must fight in the mud and bite off an ear. Slaps won't do it. No one ever won a fight with little policy slaps.
That wasn't a little slap that Sen. Elizabeth Warren used on billionaire Mike Bloomberg in the Democratic debates. She ripped out Bloomberg's spine and held it aloft like she was an avatar from Mortal Kombat. It helped Biden.
Bloomberg spent half a billion dollars to win American Samoa on Super Tuesday before dropping out and endorsing Biden. Sen. Amy Klobuchar and Mayor Pete dropped out before Tuesday and endorsed Biden. And Warren? She came in third in her home state of Massachusetts and took Sanders' votes.
Bernie has something else to learn besides mastering political cliches in Ukrainian. It's the 25th Amendment. Sanders better get to it quick, before Biden and the Democratic establishment rip it out of the Constitution.
The 25th Amendment -- which provides for the removal of a president if incapacitated -- was the purple unicorn in the fever dreams of Republican establishment Never Trumpers and of the Democrats, remember? It was just a few years ago. The idea was that Trump wasn't mentally capable for the job.
It wasn't discussed as a crazy fever dream. Many cable news types (and print types) discussed it in rational terms. OK, then, so what about Biden?
Have you been watching him lately? Biden began gathering momentum just as the media stopped focusing on him, giving us Sanders' defense of Fidel Castro instead. That was the story they wanted to tell. But Biden is losing it.
Team Biden must hope you don't pay attention, because their man is fading before our eyes. Think of Biden just a few years ago in debate, he was quick and devilish. But Biden isn't that way now, is he? The Democratic bosses must know this, they see Biden thinning. Joe is just too little butter spread out over too much bread. But they don't care.
If he wins, his choice for vice president could be running the country by next spring. And then the 25th Amendment would be a real thing, not some drug-induced political fantasy. If he were my father, I'd take him away from all this, take him fishing, take him anywhere but a presidential campaign.
"We hold these truths to be self-evident," Biden said during a campaign stop in Texas a few days ago. "All men and women created by -- you know, you know, the thing."
The thing, Joe. That thing that shaped America, and deals with how we're endowed by our Creator with certain unalienable Rights, and among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. You know, Joe, the thing.