This Memorial Day, I encourage you to take a moment to think of my wife, and the millions of military spouses like her who endured too many sleepless nights of worry. And also my kids, and the millions of military kids like them who spent large chunks of childhood separated from parents.
Today, you will read many important articles reminding us that Memorial Day is more than just our first summertime splash in the pool or a great barbeque. I appreciate all of those articles, but I also want to remind you of the impact on military families and the veterans they call “Mom” or “Dad.”
For combat veterans who deployed to the dusty desert of Iraq and/or the rocky hellscape of Afghanistan, Memorial Day is a day when we often think back to some of the worst days of our lives. The horrors of war followed us home and still haunt many today.
On this day, we remember our brothers and sisters in arms who gave everything for their country. Comrades we bled with–who we can no longer call or text–their faces are still fresh in our minds. Missions we survived, events we endured and losses we suffered–even years ago–can seem like they happened yesterday.
To me and many others, the cost of the war on terror has had an impact on my family costing a significant fracture in our relationships. I gave the best years of my life to my country and there were consequences in my own home.
My son, who is now 16 years old, and my daughter, now 13, are finally getting to know their father. Being thousands of miles away on numerous deployments to Iraq and Afghanistan, first as a Marine and then later as an Air Force Special Warfare Officer, cost me years of parental bonding, family growth, and special moments.
After years lost with my children, I’m still trying to make up for not being present.
My wife endured many restless, worrisome nights and blackout periods (no communication available) while I was in a combat zone deployed as a special operator. For her, the stress of not knowing if she would hear my voice again or get a knock on the door or a late-night call from my commanding officer took a toll on her.
Regardless of the sacrifice, I know God used these missions to forge me into the man I am today, and through the resulting trials of dealing with physical injuries, concussions, and hours of psychological counseling, extensive physical therapy, and spiritual guidance, I discovered my profound purpose in life. I also realized my new mission to use my military experience to spread knowledge, create awareness and more importantly, an understanding to hope and heal others.
I’ve had some sense of closure, but for millions of American veterans, there is no closure to the war on terror. We are still fighting this battle. We see it on the faces of our children when they recall birthdays, holidays, school programs, or sports accomplishments we missed. We hear it in the voices of our spouses reflecting on times when we were absent. While we were gone, life seemed to go on without us, we sense it when we feel like strangers in our own homes, our work environment, and places of worship.
This deprivation can be so overwhelming at times because we've sacrificed so much. We’ve lost time, health, abilities, limbs and sometimes our way. The interplay between these lingering symptoms and weighty factors can lead to tragic consequences.
Every day, 22 veterans end their lives through suicide. The staggering increase in veteran suicides, which rose more than ten-fold from 2006 to 2020, and the rising diagnoses of PTSD among first responders, has highlighted an urgent need for action.
I started Shield of Faith Missions (SOF Missions) because after getting treatment from many different experts, I saw that my military experiences can save lives and move combat veterans and first responders onto a path of hope and healing.
Today, there are more than 18 million living veterans in the United States, about 6% of the country's adult population. Every day, veterans who have bravely served our country struggle with a series of crippling challenges. However, I've seen, with concerted effort and innovative approaches, we can make a meaningful difference.
To the veterans out there, you are not alone. There are numerous organizations that have sprung up to support your redeployment and reintegration home. As the chairman of the Veterans’ Service Alliance, I work closely with dozens of organizations and leaders to find alternative paths. Through conventional and newfound faith-based programs, we have seen successful, lasting change for fellow veterans who lost all hope in traditional treatment modalities.
To the patriotic Americans, I ask that you take this day to mourn and honor our great nation’s deceased servicemen and women but also remember that the war is still freshly felt in the hearts and minds of combat veterans and their families. We are the living, honoring the fallen, ready to impact those who are hurting.
Dr. Damon Friedman, a decorated veteran of combat in Iraq and Afghanistan, retired from the Air Force as a lieutenant colonel in special operations. He is the recipient of the Spirit of Hope Award from the Secretary of Defense and founder of SOF Missions, which works with veterans with PTSD.
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