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Democrats Recognize Their Donors Are Morons

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We’ve all had attempts to insult our intelligence by someone convinced they were the smartest person in the room, even though that wouldn’t be true of them even if they were alone. There’s something about these people that is particularly amusing – people insisting they are smart never are, just as people insisting they’re funny never are, or people insisting they’re good people, etc. If you are something you don’t need to announce, everyone will pick up on it. But if you’re subtle about insulting your audience – insisting you’re a “good guy” while unable to cite one person not related or financially dependent upon you to back up that claim – sooner or later the audience will pick up on it. Unless you’re a fundraiser at the Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee. 

If you work for the DCCC, no insult to intelligence will penetrate the thick skull of the donors there. You might think I’m exaggerating, but given the absolute stupidity of some of their recent emails there really is no other option possible. 

In an email from “REQUESTING DEREK’S URGENT RESPONSE,” which really is the “name” it was from, written that way because these all seem to have been typed up by a 13-year-old girl, the DCCC was very concerned about Donald Trump. 

“Did you see this?!” it opened, because what teenager doesn’t use an exclamation point with a question mark? “Reports show that Trump can do no wrong in the eyes of his fanatical supporters. A STUNNING new poll just revealed that Republicans would STILL stick by his side if he was convicted. Here at Democratic HQ, we believe a criminal has NO place in the White House -- but we need to know where you stand.” They write this without any sense of irony of having Hunter Biden running around the grounds and going on overseas trips. I guess he wasn’t technically convicted of anything, that’s kind of a perk of having your dad run the Department of Justice. 

They then asked, “let us know: Should Donald Trump be DISQUALIFIED from running for President?”

They’re sending this to moronic Democrats, what do you think their answer is going to be? Will they suddenly wake up and stop being fascists attempting to impose their will on everyone, or will they keep being the same jackbooted goons they’ve always been?

“A new poll just revealed 71% of Republicans said they think Trump should be president again -- even if he’s CONVICTED of a crime. WHAT?!” again with the question mark/exclamation point combo. “After all the damage Donald Trump caused the last time he held power, we know we can’t trust him anywhere near the White House EVER again. But as we write this, Trump is raising millions from his far-right base to buy his way back into the Oval Office. We need to act fast to protect our democracy from dangerous extremists like Trump. That’s why we need to know where our very best grassroots Democrats stand on this pivotal issue.”

I love that last part – like a group of their “very best grassroots Democrats” will suddenly develop an affinity for truth or start to love Donald Trump. It’s not like in the movies where you dump a bucket of water on a brainwashed person and they’re fine, it’s a process. 

But it’s not just Trump these people have gone over the edge for, it’s also Ron DeSantis. The subject line read, “make. DeSantis. FURIOUS!!” with that bad capitalization and punctuation, because they’re dumb.

They open by fretting, “things are changing rapidly: Ron DeSantis has more than $110 MILLION in his war chest. He helped raise an additional $4.3 MILLION for his Republican allies all across the country. And Fox News just revealed that he’s gathering his TOP MEGA-DONORS for a secret retreat -- the latest sign that he might run for president. NO!!” Remember that 13-year-old girl?

“We hate to alarm you, but this is the kind of momentum that could usher in a COMPLETE Republican takeover -- led by Ron DeSantis and his extremist agenda. It makes us sick just thinking about it,” they continue. 

You’re probably sitting there thinking this is the dumbest thing I’ve ever read…hold on. 

“So we just launched a plan to make these desperate Republican schemes for a total MAGA takeover completely BACKFIRE,” they declare. What great plan do they have? What genius idea will STOP THOSE EVIL GOP BAD GUYS? Idiots giving them $3. Seriously, that’s their plan.  

The email immediately continues, “Here's our plan: We're calling on Democrats to confirm their 2023 Membership status with a $3 gift to the DCCC to help elect House Democrats. If 10,900 Democrats take advantage before our midnight deadline, we could completely OUTRAISE DeSantis and send House Republicans a message they will never forget. Will you rush $3 to the DCCC to confirm your 2023 Democratic Membership status?”

Somehow $32,700 – the 10,900 donations of $3 they say they need – will defeat the $114.3 million they say DeSantis has raised for himself and his allies. But only if that $32,700 comes in by midnight, otherwise they’re screwed…or something.

The only way to look at this is a massive insult to the intelligence of their donor base. Democrats are just lucky their donors are so stupid that anything short of screaming “YOU’RE A MORON AND I HOLD YOU IN CONTEMPT, NOW GIVE ME MONEY” will be recognized for the insult that it is.



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