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OPINION
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Uncle Fester Running In Pennsylvania

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AP Photo/Keith Srakocic

Matt Drudge is spending so much time and so many inches of his website on the Pennsylvania Senate race so many months before the election that you’d think it involved one of his crushes, but Timothée Chalamet isn’t on the ballot. He, like the rest of the progressive establishment, is a slave to money, and those races are the highest profile races in the country where there is tension over who is going to win, and whores go where the money is. 

The left is so excited about the race that all participants should get the monkeypox vaccine. And the weirdest candidate running in all of 2022, John Fetterman, is right there in the mix.

Fetterman is what happens in Uncle Fester had a kid with Lurch and somehow tossed in Frankenstein’s DNA. Rather inarticulate in the beginning, he sadly had a stroke that made him less understandable. Watch this video and see if you can understand what the hell he’s trying to say. He’s missing words, lots of words, and his wife just sits there. 

This is Jill Biden level abuse. How a spouse can sit there while the person they claim to love struggles and is humiliated repeatedly on national television is a mystery. It’s like watching someone drown while sitting on a pile of flotation devices. 

Fetterman’s wife is described as an “American activist, philanthropist and nonprofit executive,” who just so happens to have been an illegal alien. Her vapid indifference to the obvious struggles of her husband tells you more about her than any biography could. 

Weirdly, Fetterman is running a campaign whining about how rich his opponent, Dr. Oz, is. The funny thing is Frankenstein Fetterman grew up really rich and was a parasite on his family’s money his whole life, whereas Dr. Oz made his money himself. Being a left-wing progressive you can see why this concept would confuse and scare Fetterman the way fire did his earlier version on the evolution chart.

The strangest thing about Fetterman is what he chooses to attack Oz about. Aside from the fact that Oz made his own money and John doesn’t understand the concept, he’s also attacking him for eating vegetables. 

In a fundraising email under the subject line, “Help me send crudité-eating Dr. Oz back to New Jersey,” Fetterman complains about Oz eating healthy. That’s kind of an odd tactic for someone who had a stroke in their 40s to do.

For those of you who don’t know, crudité is a French word for essentially what is a veggie platter with a dip. How is this an attack? You’d have to ask Fester.

“Mmmm crudités!” opens one Fetterman fundraising email with a picture of the beast holding a Veggie Tray. “Just kidding. This is NOT a photo of me holding crudité. Here in PA, we just call this a veggie tray. You probably call it that too in Maryland. Seriously. If this looks like anything other than a veggie tray to you, then I am probably NOT your candidate. Because there are few things more out of touch than calling a ‘veggie tray’ some fancy French word that literally everyone has to look up on Google.”

As a reminder, John Fetterman literally lived off his mommy and daddy’s money well into his 40s. You’d almost have to spend decades in a coma to accomplish that and not be a complete loser. 

Of course, Fetterman is a complete loser who once pulled a shotgun on a black man out for a jog because a crime had been committed nearby and, as any good Democrat will tell you, a running black man had to have committed a crime. He refuses to talk about it now because there is no good reason for his actions, and the media doesn’t bother to bring it up either. 

In that interview with MSNBC’s Stephanie Ruhle, who doesn’t get the credit she deserves for being the dumbest person on cable news because of sexism, no tough questions were asked. Fetterman’s wife just sat there, presumably either in case he had a complete mental failure so she could jump in or she is a bland narcissist who just wanted to be on TV (both can be referred to as the “Jill Biden model). 

Whatever the case, and whatever their motivation, John Fetterman is unfit to assistant manage a Foot Locker. Just imagine this creature in the Senate. Is this really the best Pennsylvania Democrats could do? Was there no big bag of feces in the Keystone State they could nominate? Actually, it seems like that’s exactly what they did.

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