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OPINION
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Democrat Pitches Are Getting Weirder

The opinions expressed by columnists are their own and do not necessarily represent the views of Townhall.com.
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Evan Vucci/AP Photo

When you’re desperate you do desperate things. In politics, desperation is a stench you don’t want your candidate to have on them, but it can be useful in separating suckers from the hard-earned money, when used properly. Then there are times when desperation is simply very confusing; when the dots connected between points make zero sense and the fundraising attempts come off with more of a “please, just give me some money so I don’t have to get a real job” vibe. It’s beginning to smell like desperate, but this far from an election it’s just very weird.

 Wisconsin, likely because the cold up there froze off a lot of men’s underwear content, has a governor named Tony Evers. Evers is a 70-year-old lightweight who is so far beyond being a Beta-male than he’s a Zeta-male. His ghost-like appearance is jarring if you aren’t ready for it, and his sunken cheeked, wrinkled face recalls someone found after being lost in the woods for a month. George H. W. Bush, a World War II veteran who ran the CIA for a time was labeled by Democrats as “wimp,” Evers is everything they said Bush was and more.

 That’s what made his latest cry for money so odd – he’s trying to sound tough. Well, as tough as any Democrat can sound. 

 The subject line was, “This is Bullsh*t,” only without the asterisk. When you can’t actually be tough, swear to make up for it…or something. 

 From there, the email is an odd plea for money about abortion and his granddaughters, which you have to assume he hopes abort his great-grandchildren. “I have seven grandchildren who are girls and young women. The Supreme Court’s dangerous decision just stripped them of their fundamental rights as equal citizens,” grandpa of the year writes. “I think that’s bullsh*t.” (Again, asterisk added.)

 In the middle of the email he makes an odd pitch. “Before I go on, can you please make a split donation now between my campaign and the Democratic Governors Association to help them meet their 24-hour deadline? The DGA is the only group solely responsible for electing Democratic governors across the country who can safeguard abortion in the states.”

 There is no such thing as a “24-hour deadline,” it’s made up to give an email dripping with cries of urgency even more urgency, but really comes off as pathetic and confusing.

 Speaking of confusing, and since we’re talking about Democrat Governors, another email from the Democratic Governors Association tries to combine two of the left’s fetishes: abortion and the post office. (If you’re confused you are not alone.)

 The DGA send out a fundraising pitch that opens, “Breaking from MSNBC: ‘After Roe, it's more important than ever to help the post office.’ The fight for reproductive rights won’t be confined to health care facilities. It’ll be fought at your mail box as well.” Who knew? 

 It goes on to say, “With the battle for abortion rights spilling over into America’s mailboxes, we need to know that people can trust the USPS. But with Trump’s handpicked Postmaster General Louis DeJoy still wielding power at the USPS, closing down facilities, and slowing delivery times for millions of pieces of mail – we’re worried. That’s why we need to hear from you by 11:59 P.M.”

 Democrats love abortion more than they love their own kids, and they hate Louis DeJoy more than they hate anyone not named Donald Trump. Any ability to combine the two, no matter how irrational, is like Christmas in July for the left. 

 They are clearly hoping for a Pavlovian response to tossing a word salad with so many of their buzzwords in one email. I half expect the next email to be entitled “Abort the Post Office!” 

 I can’t claim to understand what motivates a leftist, nothing they do or believe makes any sense to me. But if simply tossing around a couple of catchphrases or using a moderate obscenity gets a bunch of them to open up their wallets, maybe I’m the sucker. I do all of that and more for free on social media every single day. Of course, that’s a small price to pay for being able to live with yourself. Still, it’s very weird.

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