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OPINION
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Democrats Vow To Protect Their Campaign Funds

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Susan Walsh/AP Photo

It’s never been a better time to be a Democrat. By that I mean a politician or activist desperately seeking other people’s money to cover the cost of you living your life. Think about Bill Kristol but with less charm and fewer accomplishments. The way Bill parasites his way through life off his father’s name is how the rest of the left lives off whatever outrage they can create and the suckers who are dumb enough to believe them. The Supreme Court decision on Roe v. Wade was like Christmas for these grifters.

One of the dumbest groups out the is the Democratic Strategy Institute. One of their emails since the decision is as stupid as it is hilarious to anyone with an IQ larger than their shoe size. It starts, “BREAKING FROM CNN: "Supreme Court overturns Roe v. Wade." Derek! Derek! Derek! WE’RE FREAKING OUT!!!  After Mitch McConnell rigged the Judicial nomination process… After Donald Trump packed the court full of far-right lunatics… After Brett Kavanaugh and his conservative counterparts overturned Roe v. Wade… DEMOCRATS STILL HAVEN’T STEPPED UP TO PASS THE JUDICIARY ACT!!!  If we don’t get 500 more donations before MIDNIGHT… The Judiciary Act won’t pass… Biden won’t be able to appoint 4 new justices… Donald Trump and Brett Kavanaugh will WIN!... Derek, if you don’t care that Brett Kavanaugh just overturned Roe v. Wade… fine. But if you DO CARE, will you chip in $5 right now?”

The punctuation of a teenage girl having her first crush coupled with the wild ignorance about how our government works, all marinated in the idiocy that a certain number of donations to them will mean legislative action earns this email a chef’s kiss for its perfection. 

Then there’s the group Stop Republicans. They must have the lowest IQ donor list on the planet. Their Roe email used a similar tactic, opening, “We begged you. We pleaded with you. We’ve emailed you for DAYS about how important it is to pass the Judiciary Act and add FOUR NEW Supreme Court justices.  We’re on our knees. We are so close to our 70,000 donation goal. Can you spare just $5 to fight back against McConnell’s stolen Supreme Court? CHIP IN $5 TO HELP PASS THE JUDICIARY ACT. WE TOLD YOU: Passing the Judiciary Act would help SAVE Roe v. Wade, voting rights, and MORE! WE TOLD YOU: Almost no one -- seriously, NO ONE -- has donated. WE TOLD YOU: If we succeed, Brett Kavanaugh will be FURIOUS!! So this is your FINAL chance to do the right thing! We are just 54,377 gifts away from reaching our goal, can you please donate IMMEDIATELY?  CHIP IN $5 TO HELP PASS THE JUDICIARY ACT. Derek -- we all heard the horrible news:  Supreme Court has voted to overturn abortion rights. But passing the Judiciary Act would give Biden 4 MORE Justices on the Supreme Court and render Thomas POWERLESS. Clarence Thomas is absolutely SEETHING!”

A presumed adult wrote that. I didn’t change the punctuation in either of those, only removed a couple of arrows in them. The caps lock abuse and OCD exclamation point use is all them. I imagine this is grammatically what Twitter would’ve looked like had it existed at the height of Beatlemania. 

Of course, these left-wing groups are just trying to make themselves rich. But what about someone who is already rich, one of the richest, as a matter of fact? I’m talking about Nancy Pelosi. 

The Speaker’s email was more measured than those of her army of flying monkeys, though it was just as pathetic. “I don’t have much time,” it opens as if she’s got to rush off to bail her drunken husband out of the holding cell. “The Supreme Court just officially OVERTURNED Roe v. Wade. I don’t say this lightly: This is one of the darkest moments in our country’s history. And now, I’m more fired up than ever before to defend our Democratic House Majority and elect more pro-choice Democrats up and down the ballot in a blue wave like no one’s ever seen.” Was she not committed to electing Democrats before?  

“Now that the Supreme Court has ripped away reproductive rights,” she continues, “I want the entire Republican Party to know Democrats are fully prepared and will spare no expense to unseat every last one of them in this consequential election. I’m calling for 10,000 Democrats to chip in before midnight, help me usher in a HISTORIC day of fundraising, and show the House Republicans who let this happen that we are coming for every single one of their seats. Will you rush $3 to defend our pro-choice House Majority?”

First, not a single “House Republican” had any say whatsoever about who sits on the Supreme Court. You’d think the Speaker would know that. Second, how will $30,000 (the 10,000 donors she’s seeking giving the $3 she asked for) make any difference? That’s what left-wing campaign consultants get per month. 

Nancy is lying to do 2 things: 1, get donors on the hook. Someone who donates once is very likely to give again and again. And 2, she needs the head count. Democrats are funded by billionaires and large corporations. They can’t say that, obviously, so they need a ton of low dollar donors to make their average donations much lower. 

If one person gave you a million dollars, your average donation would be a million dollars and people would suspect you’re beholden to that person. But if one person gave you a million dollars and 999 others gave you a dollar, your average donation is $1000. You’d still be owned by the guy who gave you a million, but you’d have a true talking point about how your average donor is just some schlub. That’s how the game works. 

No elected official is getting huge donations or giant totals from emails, there are limits on what individuals can give. It’s about headcount. There are ways around those limits for the super-rich, but they aren’t opening generic emails from Pelosi’s bot account, she’s picking up the phone and calling them or showing up at their houses.

The overturning of Roe was a Godsend, no doubt, but it was also a shot in the arm for Democrat fundraising. With so many stupid people out there supporting the left, they’re going to have a lot of cash going into the fall. No accomplishments to speak of, but a lot of cash. 

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