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OPINION

The Toxic Phrase We Need To Say More Often Around The Holidays

The opinions expressed by columnists are their own and do not necessarily represent the views of Townhall.com.
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(AP Photo/Mark Lennihan)

It’s almost impossible to be as wrong as a liberal is on everything. Some people do manage to do it, on occasion, but by and large it’s not an easy task. Surfing the web the other day I came across one of the dumbest posts I’ve ever seen, which I realize is kind of like saying one drop of water is wetter than the others, but this one is a special kind of stupid. It’s a Huffington Post piece entitled, “The Toxic Phrase We Need To Stop Saying Around The Holidays.” I read it with a combination of laughter and horror – laughter because the concept is so stupid, horror because these liberals mean every word of it.  So I thought I’d take what they wrote and turn it around, because to hell with those people. 

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So what is this “toxic phrase”? The piece starts, “The nonchalant phrase of 'let’s work off ___,' while surely intended as a lighthearted joke, is seriously problematic, according to experts,” in reference to eating too much Halloween candy. Who hasn’t eaten too much Halloween candy and felt like crap? Who also hasn’t promised themselves they’d take the stairs at work the next day to make up for the garbage you shoveled into your piehole? Someone wrote an entire piece about how that’s a problem. 

“It discredits the more important benefits of exercise,” they say. “Recent research shows that focusing on regular exercise improves your longevity even more than focusing on weight loss. Exercise also alleviates symptoms of anxiety and depression, enhances creativity, and helps you sleep better. Meanwhile, looking at exercise as punishment rather than a beneficial activity makes you less likely to engage in the healthy behavior.” 

How about this – go jump in a lake? Is that better? Or go jump in a lake from really tall bridge? How about go jump in a lake from a really tall bridge where there is no lake? No offense, but get a life.

The next reason to stop saying you need to work off some food you ate, according to these low self-esteem losers seeking to take their misery out on everyone else is, “It promotes harmful eating mindsets.” 

“When we moralize food, we trigger all sorts of dangerous thoughts and behavior patterns in people,” some leftist whose parents either spanked them too often or not enough told them. “This includes eating disorders, which can lead to major long-term health complications like heart damage, hair growth issues, brain damage, lethargy and more,” HuffPo adds. 

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If you’re so fragile that someone mentioning that after you gorge yourself on pounds of sugar and carbs, you might not want to sit on the couch until you grow into it the way a tree grows into a fence, will send you into a hunger-strike death-spiral, you were probably a candidate for a Darwin Award-worthy death already. 

Why do leftists always insist everyone live their lives catering to the lowest common denominator? I don’t care if a tiny fraction of the population might fly off the handle or take something the wrong way, I’m going to speak like a normal human being. If somebody else can’t handle that, that’s their problem. 

Here’s an easier solution than trying to get everyone else to cater to your fragile existence – get the hell over yourself. 

Actually, no. Let me step that back a bit. If you have this kind of mentality or are susceptible to these kinds of issues because of the words that come out of someone else’s mouth, please get help. Your life sucks and it shouldn’t, or at least doesn’t have to. You can get help and get over it. 

But if you’re one of those leftists who live to be offended on behalf of other people, people who usually aren’t really offended themselves, there is no help for you. You’re the problem in society, not the people with the real problems. They can get help, you are beyond it. You live to be offended by proxy. You cheered when the Cleveland Indians and Washington Redskins changed their names at the demand of your Oprah Book Club group. You’re pressuring your school board to hire a “Diversity Officer” while the kids in the schools can’t read or do basic math. And you’re screaming at bare-faced people outside through three masks on your way to get your tramp stamp of Tony Fauci touched up at your local vegan tattoo parlor.

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If you’re one of those people, get off your ass and burn some calories marching to that really tall bridge where there is no lake.

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