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Confessions of a Horrible Racist

The opinions expressed by columnists are their own and do not necessarily represent the views of
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I guess I never noticed before, but my eyes are open now: I’m a horrible racist. I want to thank Democrats, both in elected office and behind the anchor desks at CNN and MSNBC, for opening my eyes to the harsh reality I now face. And I want to apologize for my white privilege, for flaunting it and basking in it, but mostly for not realizing I was taking it for granted my whole life as I was bouncing from job to job before I embraced it by getting my act together. Sorry about that.


As an act of contrition, necessary for full repentance, I will now confess the racism and white privilege I engaged in without knowing it. May God forgive me.

First, I wrongheadedly believed hard work mattered, that effort paid off. I now realize all those years I spent working difficult jobs like roofing, waiting and busing tables, cooking, doing maintenance in a trailer park, working in various factories, etc., were wasted; all I really had to do was roll up my uniforms or work shirt sleeves and show my skin color. My bad. You would’ve thought someone might’ve noticed as they were treating me for tar burns on my leg, stitching up the finger that got drilled through, either of the hernia surgeries, or any of the other injuries, but if they did they kept it to themselves. Their own white privilege, I assume – everyone has their demons.

Second, and probably most importantly, I used to have thoughts that I now recognize as completely and totally racist. The media and Democrats (sorry for the redundancy) helped me recognize the errors of my ways, so to cleanse my soul, I must confess them now.

In addition to my misguided belief about hard work, I also believed racist things like skin color didn’t matter, that character of individuals was more important. I was led to this belief by noted racist Martin Luther King Jr. – that character is what someone should be judged on, not their color. Joy Reid, Rachel Maddow, Chris Hayes, and their endless string of guests and contributors (liberal activists, college professors, best-selling authors, and fellow journalists) helped me see the light. As I was getting to know people for who they were, I ignorantly ignored everything that was irrelevant about them; the part of them over which they had no control. Sorry about that.


While basking in that obvious racism, I believed other things – microaggressions, if you will – that were fed by that racism. 

I believed all people, regardless of color, could reach into their pockets and pull out a photo ID to vote. I now know, thanks to my intellectual superiors, that African-Americans, for reasons that must have to do with systemic racism, can’t. This act, performed millions of times per day by people of all colors for things as simple as buying beer or cashing a check, is too much for people whose ancestors were once enslaved. 

I mean, not Jews, or Arabs, or Asians, or really anyone else, since at some point in history every flavor of human was enslaved, often times by people who looked like them (including black people, who ran the slave trade in Africa centuries before evil Europeans discovered Africa existed – sorry to digress, enlightenment is a process), but it’s true because I’ve heard it repeatedly on MSNBC and CNN. They wouldn’t lie, right? 

I also know that voting is sacrosanct, perhaps our more precious right. Free speech isn’t important, neither is religion – yet, curiously, freedom of the press is a close second to voting, followed by the ability to protest, at least for certain causes(Democrats get to not only pick and choose which Amendments to the Constitution are valid, but which parts of them are). And don’t get me started on the horror show that is the ability to defend yourself and your family in the Second Amendment. However, the presumption of innocence and the ability to defend one’s self against criminal allegations is malleable, dependent upon party identification. I’m still learning. 


I have come to realize that voting is, in fact, so special among our rights that any effort whatsoever taken to protect its integrity and accuracy is akin to Jim Crow laws. I know this now because Democrats told me so. And since Democrats created, implemented, and enforced Jim Crow laws, I know they know what they’re talking about. It’s not like they’d just toss aroundbuzzwords in an attempt to manipulate people. That would be wrong, and the only people capable of being wrong are those who aren’t Democrats. 

My eyes have been opened. As states move to protect the integrity of voting, the white hood slips back over the heads of those so unenlightened as to think it needs protecting. In a way, it does…from them. Election security is the new cross burning, I see that now. 

Having once had those thoughts makes me a monster, and for that I am sorry. But I am wiping them clean, as quickly as I can.

I am also working to clean my mind of memories of the true origin and purpose of the filibuster, which I also now recognize as a “relic of Jim Crow” thanks to Barack Obama, Joe Biden and the rest. I will soon be free of thoughts about all the filibusters Democrats engaged in, including Obama, Biden, and pretty much everyone denouncing it now, when they wanted to block Republican bills. 


Since ignorance is bliss, I look forward to obtaining the joy that clearly lives in the hearts of leftists. I will soon be as peaceful as Seattle, Portland, Chicago, or any other city under generational monopolistic control by Democrats. At least until someone finds a copy of my junior high school yearbook and discover it contains an innocuous quote now deemed to be more offensive than Hitler. It’s the price we all must pay for our sins, I guess.

Yes, I am a racist for having had these thoughts, and for that I am sorry. But honestly, now that I’ve written them out, I realize how stupid and hypocritical everything Democrats are doing and saying is, and I retroactively stand by them all. I guess that makes me even more racist than I was before. Oh, well. There goes my new job at Teen Vogue. We all have our crosses to bare. 

Derek Hunter is the host of a free daily podcast (subscribe!), host of a daily radio show on WCBM in Maryland, and author of the book, Outrage, INC., which exposes how liberals use fear and hatred to manipulate the masses. Follow him on Twitter at @DerekAHunter.

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