Fundamental Job Creation

Posted: Aug 03, 2013 12:00 AM

I’m currently on pins and needles.  At any moment, I’m expecting a phone call from the White House which will confirm my presence as a specially invited guest at the president’s next major speech regarding job creation.  I don’t anticipate accepting a seat next to the jovial dude in the group, that one that always seems to be seated directly behind the president.  I will, however, gladly agree to sit right beside the First Lady the next time the president addresses Congress.  Okay, on second thought, I’ll sit next to the jovial dude.  Why, you ask, should I be deemed with this honor?  It’s very simple.  According to the Bureau of Labor Statistics (BLS) or myself, take your pick — I am a job creator.  Yet, according to my good friend Milo, an ivory tower academician, my logic is a little thin.  But heck, isn’t everyone’s?  

So here it goes.  At the grocery store the other day, I was asked once again if I would like some help with taking my groceries to the car.  Normally, my answer is no.  Yet, this time, for personal reasons (recent hip replacement), I said yes.  At the car, I asked the young man if he was compensated for this service.  He replied, “No sir, it’s part of the job.”  I then told him that I always shop on the same day at the same time, and that I’d like to have a shopping cart “at the ready” for my personal use.  For that service, I was willing to pay $5 per visit, with no employment benefits.  He readily accepted my terms.  Technically, this was a job over and above his existing job.  Albeit, it is a part-time job, but it’s still counted in the BLS monthly job statistics as far as I’m concerned.  

Continuing on, I recently asked my neighbor’s son if he could put my garbage cans at the curb for weekly pickup.  For that service, I was willing to pay $2 per week, with no employment benefits.  He gratefully accepted, and another job was added to the pallet of employment.  

Moreover, just last week, I attended an arts and crafts show in order to spend some quality time with my friend Milo (yes, the ivory tower guy), as he was cheerfully trying to sell his very first carefully constructed toothpick castle.  Unfortunately, his sales for the day were $0, so I decided to step up to the plate and pay the exorbitant amount of $120 for a well-built miniature fortress.  Consequently, according to the BLS, Milo now officially qualifies as a self-employed artist with an actual job.  

In fact, when I add up the total number of jobs that I’ve recently created, it was well over a dozen — a heck of a lot more employees than General Electric has added to its workforce in recent times.  Indeed, I think that more than qualifies me to be cordially invited to the president’s next job creation speech.  

I just wonder if Michelle Obama has a place on her nightstand for a toothpick castle.