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Housebreaking the Central Bankers

The opinions expressed by columnists are their own and do not necessarily represent the views of

What do Ben Bernanke, Jon Corzine, Dominique Strauss-Kahn, and Hank Morganthaw all have in common? 

You may respond they all have something to do with money. 

Needless to say Helicopter Ben is the current Chairman of the Federal Reserve, Corzine was the former CEO of both Goldman Sachs and MF Global, DSK the former IMF Managing Director, and of course, Morganthaw worked as FDR’s Treasury Sec…..stop!  I’m not referring to that Henry Morgenthau. 

I’m referring to my uncle’s dog, Hank Morganthaw. 

Therefore, you’re assumption that they all dealt with money would be incorrect. 

In fact, if my uncle placed a couple of dollar bills in front of Hank Morganthaw, he would probably chew them up. 

On second thought, isn’t that what Bernanke, Corzine, and DSK have already done?  Mmmmm. 

In any event, the common denominator is not money, its bad behavior. 

Most people know that you must constantly reinforce right from wrong when training a young puppy. 

And Morganthaw was certainly no different. 

He was very stubborn about chewing everything in sight and exhibited unpredictable playtime habits. 

My uncle had to constantly say “no,” and mean it.  Hollow threats were quickly discovered by Morganthaw to be just that, worthless. 

After much hard work and patience the training finally paid off.  So much so that my uncle can truly say he has a very well trained dog. 

Unfortunately, the same cannot be said for the aforementioned other three.  John Corzine was allowed to loot and plunder Goldman Sachs, New Jersey, and now MF Global. 

No one ever said “no” and really meant it as colleagues, even opponents, walked on eggshells around him. 

I’m sure this gave Corzine the feeling of omnipotence, resulting in the final absurdity of $1.2 billion in so-called lost MF Global funds. 

Sorry to say, Corzine was never house broken. 

DSK seems to have a proclivity for inappropriate behavior and is currently under investigation regarding a French prostitution ring; it appears he is in dire need of further obedience training. 

Finally, the Fed Chairman continues to print, print, print, which has the effect of destroying the dollar’s value. 

It seems the lesson of “chewing on something long enough will ultimately destroy it” was lost on Bernanke. 

However, whether its humans or pet dogs, bad behavior is correctable if someone is willing to exert the effort in order to make it happen. 

Obviously, my uncle had great success with Hank Morganthaw. 

But with Bernanke, Corzine, and DSK, there seems to be no takers.

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