Rich Galen

This is a FLASH TRANSCRIPT of a fake press conference with Caroline Kennedy Schlossberg. It might not be accurate in every respect.

HAND HOLDER: Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen. I would like to introduce Ms. Caroline Kennedy who will make a brief statement and then answer questions.

CK: Thank you. My name is Caroline Kennedy and I have informed Governor David Paterson that I am interested in being, you know, appointed to Senator Hillary Clinton's seat when she resigns to become the, you know, Secretary of State. I will now take your questions.

Q: Wha - Why - Who are you? I mean, what are your qualifications?

CK: I'm not a conventional choice, I haven't followed the traditional path, but I do think I'd bring a kind of a lifetime of experience that is relevant to this job.

Q: Specifically ... ?

CK: I have written or co-written seven books.

Q: What were those titles?

CK: Well, you know, there was "A Family Christmas," which is a collection of Christmas stories, and "A Family of Poems" which is a collection of poems my family really, you know, likes; and "Best Loved Poems of Jacqueline Kennedy Onasis" and, you know, many others.

Q: So, these are mostly collections of things other people have written? CK: Obviously, you know, we have different strengths and weaknesses.

Q: What else ...

CK: I'm lawyer, you know.

Q: Have you actually practiced law?

CK: I've been an education activist for the last six years.

Q: So, can we ask you about some of your positions on public issues?

CK: Sure.

Q: Education?

CK: My strong point.

Q: What about the suggestion that public school teachers trade tenure for merit pay as has been suggested by the head of the D.C. school system?

CK: That's a really controversial idea, and I don't think standing alone, you know - Washington, D.C., is a separate thing. I mean, New York City has a million - 1.1 million kids, 90,000 teachers; Washington, D.C., is a really, really small system. So I don't think it is a one-size-fits-all.

Q: Will you take a position on this issue?

CK: If you just pick out the most controversial one as a stand-alone thing, you know, I don't think that's really the way to go about this. I think if people can vote it'll be really interesting to see what happens.

Q: How much money do you live on each year?


Rich Galen

Rich Galen has been a press secretary to Dan Quayle and Newt Gingrich. Rich Galen currently works as a journalist and writes at Mullings.com.