Barack Obama and the media: The marathon makeout session between President Barack Obama and the mainstream media will continue – in Bill Clinton’s former hotel room, better known as the Oval Office. Obama will shrug off any responsibilities that Clinton’s “third term” appointees can’t contend with, and everyone will be expected to understand that it’s still all George Bush’s fault. At the end of the year, Obama will emerge as the President who aged the least during his first year in office.
Israel and Palestine (featuring Hillary Clinton): It would appear that the world’s most boring and predictable soap opera will be back in prime-time programming again this year. The tedious tale of two countries whose Wikipedia article length – much like Paris Hilton’s - is proportionate only to the amount of drama they cause. It will cause many headaches for new Secretary of State Hillary Clinton and the Third Battalion of Desk Jockeys at the United Nations, as they try to figure out how to stop the world’s longest war using mere words. But really, here’s all Clinton needs to say: “Hey Muzzies, knock it off. If one more rocket ventures off your turf, I don’t care if you get turned into a parking lot.” Then we all need to let them duke it out once and for all like a couple of ferrets in heat.
Vaclav Klaus does the EU: The rotating six month European Union presidency is about to be passed to the Czech President – a man who has repeatedly called manmade global warming a “myth” and a “modern counterpart to communism”. When asked if it was “ruining our planet”, he replied, “Perhaps only Mr. Al Gore may be saying something along these lines: a sane person can't.” And now, just as the EU is putting the final touches on an utterly insane waste-of-time plan to “prevent climate change”, Klaus is going to bust through the wall of that party like Kool-Aid Man. And it’s going to be a riot.