Kurt  Schlichter

It would be awful if the Democrats decide that the latest massacre by a non-Tea Partier means it’s time for yet another high-profile Congressional push for gun control. Awful awesome.

You should never interrupt your opponent when he is making a mistake, so those of us who don’t think the Bill of Rights is optional need to keep this on the down low. Gun control destroys Democrat politicians. While I’m against gun control ever being enacted, I’m always delighted to see the Democrats push it. Though they probably won’t get the red statey analogy, go ahead and throw us in the briar patch, you liberal fascist clowns.

Now, if Democrats were rational beings who operated by assessing stuff like facts and evidence before deciding on a policy prescription, they wouldn’t be Democrats. The Party of Fail is notorious for enacting programs that make problems worse and then concluding the way to remedy their defects is to double down. “Hey, I know how we can win the War on Poverty – let’s pass more laws that encourage people to stay poor!”

Still, it’s hard to understand a decision-making process that concludes the slaughter of a dozen helpless occupants of a gun free zone in the middle of a gun free city indicates an urgent need to ensure that all American citizens be rendered helpless occupants of a gun free country. This is the same kind of pro-science, rational analysis that concludes every kind of weather proves the existence of global warming.

Oops, I mean “climate change.” Oh, and I meant “gun safety.” When you’re liberal, it’s important to use language that obscures your intent.

And their intent is a complete elimination of private weapons ownership, hence the latest talking liberal point about “reasonable gun regulations.” Who’s against reasonability? I love the term “reasonable gun regulations,” but then I’m a lawyer and I have a professional appreciation for people who dissemble effectively.

Of course, aren’t the places with the least “reasonable” gun regulations often the most violent, most Hobbesian killing fields? For instance, there’s a state where you don’t have to even have a permit to carry a concealed weapon! No wonder that every weekend, you open up your paper and read about the slaughter on the mean streets of Vermont.

Oh, wait, I’m sorry. The slaughter is on the mean streets of gun-free Chicago. My bad – I’m using facts to make my point. As any liberal pundit can tell you, I should be exploiting the emotional impact of a terrible crime to ensure that you ignore the facts.

Kurt Schlichter

Kurt Schlichter (Twitter: @KurtSchlichter) was personally recruited to write conservative commentary by Andrew Breitbart. He is a successful Los Angeles trial lawyer, a veteran with a masters in Strategic Studies from the United States Army War College, and a former stand-up comic.