9 Things To Think About Before You Start Rioting And Looting

Doug Giles
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Posted: Aug 17, 2014 12:01 AM
9 Things To Think About Before You Start Rioting And Looting

Things are getting dicey out there in the United States of Acrimony, eh? People are pissed. They’re sick of the government … sick of control … sick of the inequities and absurdities in our land … sick of the man and the machine … sick of our borders having bigger holes than a fat woman’s pantyhose after high steppin' a barbed-wire fence; and sick, hallelujah, of that little priss, Justin Bieber.

It appears as if, ladies and gents, that rebellion/revolution is America’s soup de jour.

Yep, it’s cuckoo time and me likey.

This is what it must’ve felt like in 1773 minus the powdered wigs and small pox.

As we’ve seen this past week in Ferguson, MO, folks are fed up and ready to break crap if they have to in order to bring about justice; and I dig that spirit.

However, and this is just my advice: before we starting burning the mother down, we should make certain that the war we wage, the cause we champion and the person we support is noble and legit. Amen? Amen.

With that in mind, herewith are nine things to consider before you burn your neighborhood or city down to the ground:

Check it out: Prior to rioting, looting and pillaging and taking off a week to trash the place in which you live and risk being tear gassed, shot and/or run over by Barney Fife’s new army tank, ask yourself these nine diagnostic questions …

1. Has the man I want to champion just been exposed on CCV stealing Swisher Sweet cigars by the armload from a convenience store?

2. Did this self-same man violently grab, shove and intimidate a tiny little store clerk?

3. Did the man I’m supporting flip off the camera a lot via Twitter?

4. Did the man I am ready to go to bat for make gang-signs quite often as he sat for photographic portraits taken by his friends? Oh, and don't forget, do due diligence to ascertain whether or not he also had rap songs out in which he praises murder, drug use and screwing ho's.

5. Also, before you go out on a limb in a revolution, try to be certain that the person you’re willing to go to jail for didn’t climb into a cop’s car and then punch him in the face.

6. Similarly, make sure your champion didn’t try to take the police officer’s firearm before you paint him as a damsel in distress.

7. Further, before you hinge your freedom on a deceased person, be careful to make sure that the witness you’re banking on wasn’t a part of a robbery that could implicate him and thus cause him to ... uh ... embellish his story.

8. In addition, before you destroy your city, bear in mind your taxes will probably spike once the dust settles to rebuild what you just torched and ransacked.

9. And finally, ask yourself: "Self, how will your stealing seven bottles of Mad Dog 20/20 bring about justice?”