I was in Atlanta’s Hartsfield Airport recently and had a three-hour layover before I headed back to Miami. So, I did what any sensible gentleman would do—namely, I headed up to the Heineken Bar & Grill to get a beer and roast a fine puros before my plane ride home.
Upon arrival at the bar I found a table, jammed my carry-on underneath it, unzipped my secret 007 storage pouch, extracted my zebra skin cigar holder, and pulled from that sweet piece of leather a Padron 1964 Corona. After getting that bad boy ignited I yanked out my Mac and began to pound away on another common sense column certain to infuriate the progressives while simultaneously making Jesus love me more and more.
As I was sitting there getting into the zone, a waitress approached and asked me what I wanted to drink. I asked her if they had any Heineken. She didn’t get it at first … then she got it and said, “Dude, my day sucks enough as it is. Quit making it more miserable.” I said I was sorry and that I would like a Heineken, to which she replied, “Can I see your ID?” I told her I was flattered but am happily married. She retorted, “Don’t flatter yourself; we card everyone who orders alcohol. It’s the law.”
Check it out: I looked the legal age to swill a beer. I’ve got a full head of hair that might not be turning loose but is definitely turning gray. In addition to my graying locks, I have lines etched into my face from years of laughing my butt off at the inequities and absurdities of the Left, and I have well-developed crow’s-feet from looking down the barrels of guns from many, many cherished years of hunting. Suffice it to say, the waitress knew that I was at least 21—if not 51—but because it was the law she had to make proof positive that I wasn’t a 16-year-old with some weird disease that made me age prematurely into a 50-year-old smart ass.
When she asked me for my ID I didn’t cry racism, or drinking suppression, or call up Kofi Annan and request an international tribunal to cow this chick into beer-serving submission. No, instead I pulled out my ID and complied with the law and was then served a lukewarm Dutch beer.