Doug Giles

I was going to title this column “How to Stay on the Government’s Tit Forever,” but I was afraid that Chris Matthews might call me a sexist on his show tomorrow during his nightly roast of Michele Bachmann because of the breast reference.

Contrary to what I’d like to report, the socialists have succeeded in the United States—certainly not with our economy, nor with our health care, and definitely not with our borders—but they have made great strides in turning this generation into one big Baby Huey that expects never to be weaned and forever to be coddled upon the “free” mediocre milk that slowly drips from the government’s sagging mammaries. Mammaries, like the corners of my mind. Misty watercolor mammaries, of the way we were.

Sorry. I got lost there for a second. Where was I?

The fact that this former nation of self-reliants has morphed into Pavlov’s step-n-fetch dog has become so obvious that Andrea Bocelli wearing a welder’s mask sitting in Ozzy Osbourne’s closet can see it.

Our kids are more European than American. And, for your information, Europe ain’t doing so hot. Don’t believe me? Then just take an economic peek across the pond and see how Europe is now clipping along after having bought and inhaled the socialistic smack you’re now smoking.

Still not convinced I’m spot on?

Then take this taste test, Slingblade: Waddle out to your local prison-esque public school and simply ask the first chunky goofball 8th grader who walks by what’s wrong with our country, and he or she will tell you, as Marybeth Hicks points out in her recent tome, Don’t Let the Kids Drink the Kool-Aid:

1. Socialism is better than the free market;

2. Christianity is of the devil;

3. America is the villain of world history;

4. Family does not mean marriage, and;

5. Human greed is destroying the earth.

Pass the weed.

Yep, the Greatest Generation is long gone, folks, and we have on our hands Generation Sponge that asks not what they can do for themselves, but what our country can do for them … dammit. And like, right now!

This government dependency has taken on a religious fervor. Americans used to look to God and personal elbow grease to get by, but now these slaves of the machine bow their knees to socialists as their El Shaddai.

Matter of fact, here’s one of their prayers taken from their bible in the book of Pathetic 6:66 (The King Soros Version of Unholy Writ):

Doug Giles

Doug Giles is the Big Dawg at and the Co-Owner of The Safari Cigar Company. Follow him onFacebook and Twitter. And check out his new book, Rise, Kill and Eat: A Theology of Hunting from Genesis to Revelation.