Doug Giles

Christians, who take the scriptures seriously, are about as happy about an Obama presidency as a pig is a bacon sandwich. Stoked we ain’t. And it isn’t because Barack is black. Personally, I think it is great that our nation has a black president, and I say this officially ends all the “oppressive white devil” blather. Yep, no mas “blanco el Diablo,” por favor. We have now “evolved.”

This means Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton can formally zip it. I think that’s why Jackson was crying last Tuesday night … he done. A black man is now the most important person on the planet, and it’s not Jesse! Plus, Jackson’s on tape saying he wanted to cut Obama’s balls off, and now Barack’s going to spread Jesse’s wealth. That’ll make a grown man cry. So close, Jackson, yet so far away.

Back to the church. What concerns Christians who are governed by the scriptures, and not Oprah, are Obama’s liberal-to-the-core stances on abortion, marriage, socialism, freedom of speech, big government, taxes, guns and his associations with Marxist radicals. That’s what freaks believers who actually believe, and not, I say, not the levels of melanin in Obama’s epidermis.

As a believer, here’s how I’m trying to deal with this: If God is omniscient then … uh … he knew this was coming; if he is omnipotent then … hello … he allowed this to happen; and if he’s still omnipresent (and I’m pretty sure he still is) then he is still with us. So, essentially, providentially, we got what God wanted us to have. Time will tell whether or not He’s propping us up for a major national butt whuppin’ or our tricky God is going to bring a back door unexpected blessing from someone most Christians assume God would never use.

Now, if we truly follow “Hey-soos,” then we’re commanded, not suggested, to respect and pray for those who have authority over us. We cannot pick and choose which texts we’re going to obey and disobey when it comes to Christian conduct. I wish we could, because I’d like to slap the snot out of my neighbor who blares techno music from his balcony at 4:00 a.m., but alas, I can’t.

Doug Giles

Doug Giles is the Big Dawg at and the Co-Owner of The Safari Cigar Company. Follow him onFacebook and Twitter. And check out his new book, Rise, Kill and Eat: A Theology of Hunting from Genesis to Revelation.