Not Even Swimsuit Models Can Stop NFL Players' Homes From Being Robbed

Okay, look, folks. There have been some heavy stories recently. We have UFOs and drones flying all over New Jersey. Authorities don’t know where they’re coming from; we can’t shoot them down, and, for now, we’re powerless to stop them. Luigi Mangione has been formally charged in the killing of UnitedHealthcare CEO Brian Thompson. Israel is creating new buffer zones inside Syria after rebel forces toppled the government of Bashar al-Assad last week. We need some lighter stuff at this late hour, so let’s talk about Cincinnati Bengals’ star quarterback Joe Burrow’s home getting burgled as he played the Dallas Cowboys last night.

WHAT JUST HAPPENED?! 😱

THE COWBOYS BLOCKED THE PUNT BUT CINCY GOT THE BALL BACK AFTER A DALLAS PLAYER TOUCHED THE BALL! #CINvsDAL | ABC, ESPN pic.twitter.com/vaMWLRHxIa
— ESPN (@espn) December 10, 2024

JA'MARR CHASE 40-YARD TD! 🔥

Incredible! #CINvsDAL | ABC, ESPN pic.twitter.com/tX8GXYA0Oq
— ESPN (@espn) December 10, 2024

The Bengals pulled off a crazy win in Arlington, Texas, on Monday Night Football, beating the Cowboys 27-20 after Dallas failed to recover a blocked punt. While he was away, Burrow hired Sports Illustrated swimsuit model Olivia Ponton to housesit and guard his residence. The NFL has been dealing with a string of robberies involving players’ homes, leading to a league-wide memo about these occurrences. Burrow hired Ponton to watch his house, which was still robbed. Ponton called her mom, who then called the police. Why were people playing phone tag in this situation? No clue, but the whole situation led to some funny reactions (via Cincinnati Enquirer):

NFL players homes keep getting burglarized so Joe Burrow “employed” SI Swimsuit model Olivia Ponton to housesit during MNF last night.

His house still got burglarized.

So Olivia called her mom. pic.twitter.com/M99l1vg2TY
— Jack Mac (@JackMacCFB) December 10, 2024

Joe Burrow's house in Anderson Township was broken into while the Cincinnati Bengals quarterback was in Texas for Monday Night Football, the Hamilton County Sheriff's Office said.
Olivia Ponton, IMG model and influencer, discovered the break-in when she arrived at the residence, according to the incident report.
Ponton is employed by Burrow, according to the sheriff's report.
"Someone broke into my house," Ponton said in a 911 call.
[…]
Ponton called her mom, Diane Ponton, after discovering the break-in, and her mom also called the police.
"Diane Ponton, it's my daughter Olivia," she said in the 911 call. Diane Ponton told the dispatcher her 22-year-old daughter was staying at Burrow's home.

NFL Memes had the best reaction to this incident, given that many think Burrow and Macauley Culkin look alike: