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Tipsheet

The 'Serial Pooper' Strikes Against Hillary Clinton

AP Photo/Seth Wenig

 As we await to see if Donald Trump will get arrested today, let’s talk about some crime stories involving Hillary Clinton. No, the body count hasn’t increased, there have been no suspicious real estate purchases, and Bill Clinton didn’t allegedly sexually assault anyone. If anything, it would appear that the former first lady and her daughter, Chelsea, were potential victims of a scatological incident at the Shubert Theater. 

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The two women attended the venue to watch a rendition of ‘Some Like It Hot,’ only to discover someone defecated in the aisle near them. Now, this incident was chalked up as a one-off, incident that sadly involved an elderly person losing control of his or her facilities. But there have been allegations that a “serial pooper” is stalking the halls of the theater (via Page Six): 

Page Six hears that a serial pooper has been stalking the halls of the legendary Shubert Theater — and the last time they struck, a turd appeared in the aisle near Hillary and Chelsea Clinton at “Some Like It Hot.” 

A source close to the show insists that it was a regrettable one-off incident.

But another source tells us that the theater’s staff said that the s–t’s (almost) hit the fans at other performances as well.

“Last week when Hillary and Chelsea Clinton were in the audience,” said a source, “the lights came up for intermission and there were two human turds in the aisle just near the famous political duo.” 

The insider added, “The house crew dealt with it very appropriately and quickly, and Hillary and Chelsea remained in the theater for the second act.” 

[…] 

“It was an elderly person and it’s rather sad, but yes, the house staff worked quickly to help resolve the situation and Act II started as scheduled.” 

The first insider says that after the most recent incident, an eyewitness “spoke to the house manager, who said that it was actually the fourth time it had happened.” 

The source wildly speculated, “There is someone who is either s–tting in the aisle, or surreptitiously dumping defecation that they smuggled into the theater.” 

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Well, holy crap—literally. Though I don’t feel too bad for them—I do feel for the elderly person who had the accident, however.

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