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Tipsheet

The Speech the Bidens Should Give But Never Will

AP Photo/Andrew Harnik

I think we can judge this Biden presidency right now. The record isn’t anything you don’t already know. We’re a nation on the verge of officially entering a recession. The list of items that are not available is staggering. Mothers can’t feed their kids because baby formula is not on the shelves. Our southern border has more holes than a piece of Swiss cheese. Inflation is reaching astronomical highs, and gas prices are killing America’s working class. What is amusing is that Joe Biden thought he was America’s savior. He felt his win would bring back leadership and competence. 

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First, we already had leadership and competence under Trump. Sure, the delivery was a little rough around the edges—but the economy was booming, and we had peace. Under Biden, we’re slowly getting sucked into a perpetual proxy war with Russia in Ukraine. America is not back. We’re adrift. I don’t think we’d ever have a presidency where the average voter could see in less than 18 months that this guy couldn’t do the job. The high approvals post-2020 were a mirage. It was weeks of liberals rejoicing that Donald Trump was gone. After seeing how Biden governs, 64 percent of Democrats don’t want him to run again. It must be nice that you can survive the price hikes, the inflation surge, and the overall tanking of the economy to satisfy your anti-Trump lust. Wealthy white progressives will be fine. The rest of us need to tread water. 

Biden just looks small being that presidential seal. You know he’ll just deliver his remarks—poorly—and then shuffle off. In Biden’s mind, that’s leadership. It’s not. You have to do stuff, Joe. And the fact that we’re hearing from Politico, CNN, and The New York Times that your staff has to draw and redraw your scheduling plans because you’re a geezer who can’t handle the stress of the job is telling. I don’t care that Biden can carry a conversation. He doesn’t have Alzheimer’s; he’s no vegetable. But this White House’s crisis management and execution are pathetic. It’s more tragic than the 2021 New York Giants season. 

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And this fiasco extends beyond the Oval Office. The vice president has been a dumpster fire for months, with Kamala losing all her top staffers peppered with laughably incoherent remarks. Many say it’s HBO’s Veep personified. The First Lady is also part of the problem.

She’s become a bumbling gaffe-fest. Her butchering of the Spanish language is a crime as heinous as the bombing of Guernica. It reached new levels when she compared Latinos to breakfast tacos. From top to bottom, there’s rot. There’s incompetence. Joe Biden must get on his knees in Saudi Arabia and beg for oil. Saudi Arabia is already operating close to production capacity. Biden can and should use our vast domestic energy resources, but he can’t. The Democratic Party is now dead-set on wrecking the economy for Mother Earth. The irony that you need fossil fuels to power the Left’s electric car fetish shouldn’t be lost here.

Given this train wreck of a presidency, it’s time for the Bidens to thank COVID. It’s the only reason why they’re here. COVID is the reason Joe Biden is president. Under the revised way of campaigning due to containment protocols that never worked, Joe would have shown his degraded facilities mentally and physically on the pre-pandemic campaign trail. It would have taken a few falls from exhaustion and some word salad moments to make the point we all knew was valid: Joe isn’t mentally able. 

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He blamed Trump for COVID deaths. More people have now died of COVID under Biden than Trump. Go back through his Twitter. It’s an endless stream of overpromising. It’s a stream of total failure. All of Joe’s 2020 campaign tweets have come back to slap him. 

Now, he won’t give such a speech. That’s insane. Thanking a pathogen for your electoral success would be something, but it would also cheapen the office, and that’s not good either. Still, in my vengeful world, I’d have Joe, Jill, and Kamala deliver remarks of gratitude and thanks to a virus and the Chinese who released it, which allowed them to secure a win they didn’t deserve. Oh, and the whole 1 million deaths part. Thanking the virus in that regard is just inappropriate. Or is it all that much outside the realm of possibility? For God’s sake, Jill thought breakfast tacos were the best way to convey Latino diversity. 

As satire, someone should draft a Biden speech thanking COVID for his 2020 win. Biden doesn’t have the skills to be president or the political acumen. Even Obama was chugging Pepto Bismol when Joe shuffled his way into the 2020 ring. We also forget that COVID torched the economy. Trump was heading towards a landslide win if things didn’t get rocked by the Wuhan plague. Look, Anita Dunn, Obama’s former communications director and now a senior adviser to Biden, said the quiet part out loud already

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