Total Losers Unable To Cope With Trump's Win Have Professional Cuddling Business Booming

Posted: Aug 10, 2017 5:30 PM

For normal people, after Donald J. Trump beat Hillary Clinton in the 2016 election, life continued as usual. For others, it was a catastrophic event that required cuddling services at a rate of $80/hour to help them cope with a common event in elections: your candidate not winning. These people are losers. I’m sorry. Grow up and toughen up because losing an election is, well, sort of what happens to someone every two to four years. 

It’s not a sexual activity. It’s been described as “G-rated,” according to The Rolling Stone, which wrote about how these professional cuddlers are seeing business booming coddling these delicate, fragile snowflakes. The publication ventured into The Love Room in Venice, California:

Twelve individuals filter into the room – dressed in pajamas, yoga attire, sweatpants – some more confidently than others. There are a handful who remove their shoes immediately and find a place on the floor, blanket in tow, presumably preparing for some grand slumber party or group nap. Each visitor is greeted by a woman wielding an iPad. "Would you like a hug?" she asks.

Abhit Singh looks puzzled but welcomes the hug – this is his first time here. The woman offers Singh the iPad. He, like all other participants, must sign a waiver. She then instructs the group to take a seat on the cushions, her voice maintaining a steady and smooth timbre.

This room is called The Love Dome and hosts events including yoga, dance and private parties. Every Wednesday and Saturday night, The Love Dome is host to Cuddle Sanctuary, an organization that leads group cuddle events, professional cuddling and training for professionals. This is one of their group cuddle sanctuaries.


The reasons one seeks out a professional cuddling experience range from average adults seeking connection, those on the autistic spectrum, those healing from sexual trauma, adults dealing with sexual dysfunction or for older virgins to practice touch in a safe environment. The elephant in the room during some of these sessions, though, is the current state of the country's affairs. Since November – and the election of Donald Trump – professional cuddling services have seen a spike in client interest.

"The holiday season was the first time that since Trump won the election that a lot of people were seeing their family," says Adam Lippin, co-founder and CEO of Cuddlist, which provides training services to professional cuddlers and allows clients to search listings of "Cuddlists" nearby. "People with different political views were going to be in the same place with relatives. That was the first hit of people having to confront it in a significant way. We saw an uptick around that."

Ed wrote about this as well over at Hot Air. If civilization is crumbling, this is exhibit A. What in the fresh hell is this? 

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