TOWNHALL EXCLUSIVE: Pelosi Memo to Vulnerable Democrats

Guy Benson | September 03, 2010 8:16 AM

CONFIDENTIAL MEMORANDUM
September 3, 2010

Subject: September = International Update Your Resume Month
From: Pelosi, Nancy <Tautfacegal@hotmail.com>
To: House Democratic Members

Cc: Reid, Harry <ThisWarIsLost07@aol.com>

Good Morning Everyone!

As I was being chauffeured across the country on a chartered military plane yesterday (due to bad weather we almost had to land in Kansas--gag!), my staff brought to my attention an obscure but increasingly relevant fact. September is International Update Your Resume Month.

As any empathetic Speaker should, I always have my members' best interests at heart. Without naming names, Tom Perriello (just kidding, Tom, we love ya!), I somehow got the sense that some of you--let's just say 47 or more of you--might find this information helpful.

David Obey tells me he's been overwhelmed by requests for resume updating assistance, so to alleviate his burden, I'll summarize an article that offers five useful tips on how best to prepare a resume:

(1) Be brief. Example: "I'm a former Congressman from XXX (fill in your state, district) seeking employment."

(2) Be specific. Example: "Skills include spending far more than my expense account allows, sending non-donor calls directly to voicemail, four day weekends."

(3) Be active. Example: "Hire me, or some of my former colleagues might subpoena you." (This really works!)

(4) Be selective. Example: "I guarantee my hire will save or create hundreds of thousands of clients for XXX (fill in name of company; ie, Think Progress, Columbia University, Burger King, etc)."

(5) Be honest. Example: "I was only fired from my last job because of racism and Islamophobia."

Best luck to all of you, and remember: If you need some help with cash to tide you over, one of your colleagues has quite a lot of unreported income he may be willing to share. (Gotcha, Charlie! LOL!)

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm scheduled for an injecti....doctor's appointment.

Sincerely,
Nan

ps- Harry, I Cc'd you on this email in case you wanted to share it with a "friend" (or son) who might need it very soon.

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