Planned Parenthood Made Me Rich, and All I Got Was a Nagging Conscience

Apart from a return to free market-based economics in DC, it seems one of the most lucrative things a CEO in need of job could do is pursue a position with one of Planned Parenthood’s 81 affiliates. After all, CEOs in those positions pulled in an average salary of $158,797 last year.

That’s a lot of money in today’s economy. And it’s there for the taking for CEO types whose consciences are not bothered by the fact that killing pre-born children, pushing sex-ed programs that brainwash preteens, and passing out contraceptives like it’s candy to kids who can’t spell “contraceptive” is all part of an average day on the job.

Moreover, the truly ambitious CEO job-seekers could pursue employment in the top twelve Planned Parenthood affiliates, where the pay exceeds $200,000 annually. Again, your conscience will have to be sufficiently seared to the point that stopping heartbeats for a living doesn’t upset you, but if you can get past that one small issue, there’s a lot of money to be made.

Here are the hard numbers on those twelve highest paying positions:

1. PP North Texas, Dallas, TX (salary of previous CEO) $324,381

2. PP Mar Monte, San Jose, CA (Linda Williams) $315,950

3. PP Illinois, Chicago, IL (salary of previous CEO) $302,014

4. PP Hudson Peconic, Hawthorne, NY (Reina Schiffrin) $296,908

5. PP Northern New England, Williston,VT (Steve Trombley) $292,297

6. PP Orange & San Bernadino, Orange, CA (Joe Dunn) $278,871

7. PP Treasure Coast, West Palm Beach, FL (Lillian Tamayo) $275,238

8. PP MN, SD & ND, St. Paul, MN (Sarah Stoesz) $268,710

9. PP Heartland, Des Moines, IA (Jill June) $265,389

10. PP Southern New England, New Haven, CT (Judy Tabar) $264,766

11. PP Great Northwest, Seattle, WA (Chris Charbonneau) $259,405

12. PP League of MA, Boston, MA (Dianne Luby) $256,474

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You’ll notice from the list that some of the CEOs made in excess of $300,000 last year, and it’s sure to carry considerable clout and much deserved recognition within the industry as well.

Perhaps one of these lucky twelve CEOs can win the coveted “abortionist of the year award”? Take that on top of the salary and the fact that Planned Parenthood did almost 350,000 abortions last year and there’s only one thing to say: While 2011 was a challenging year for most people economically, it was a great year for people whose business is death.