OPINION
Premium

Leftist Sissies Are Tiresome Volume 1000

The opinions expressed by columnists are their own and do not necessarily represent the views of Townhall.com.

As Biden’s poll ratings dig down deeper into the dirt than a Brian Stelter, who is a potato, family reunion, I note the declining quality and enthusiasm of leftist and lib-curious trolls on social media. They just seem to be going through the motions these days, not unlike Jeffrey Toobin on a Zoom call. And there’s a reason for it.

Fat guys are funny, usually. Think Oliver Hardy, Lou Costello (who was actually a terrific athlete – he just looked like a fireplug), John Belushi, and Chris Farley. They were awesome. The fat funny guy is a thing in our culture. But then there’s Seth Rogen. He’s not funny. In fact, he’s a terrible, entitled person who demonstrates why we should drive a bulldozer over Hollywood.

Liberal Trolls Are Half-Stepping

Soon-to-be unemployed GOP quisling Adam Kinzinger decided to get frisky on Twitter the other day, suffering predictably humiliating results. I find him to be a human punchline, but otherwise, we have much in common. We both like oxygen. We were both colonels, thought being Army, I was a colonel in a branch of the military – I kid, I kid, my zoomie brothers! – and come 2023, neither of us will be a member of Congress.

Of course, in my case it’s not because the party I betrayed my own people to gerrymandered me out of existence, proving that nobody loves a traitor. 

The thing that gets me is not that a member of Congress – and is he ever a member – decided to get in a Twitter beef with a guy so contemptuous of his opponents that he frequently refuses to pretend their ideas matter and instead references their m0ms. The point is that he’s just not very good at it. This is now the norm.

There was once a golden age of leftist trolling, where vast hordes of double-digit follower bots and the occasional inexplicably blue checked internet pundit (“Social justice and pickle coordinator for @astrotruf.com; loves dogs but loving dogs is white supremacy so has 30 cats; 2021 grad Gumbo State. Xe/Xir”) would descend on you whenever you challenged the narrative. By that, I mean expressing love for America, or guns, or just not being a leftist weirdo.

Not anymore. No, perhaps the subsidies to the bot farms dried up. Perhaps strategically blocking the most boring of them worked. Perhaps no one cares. Once in a while, you would get one that was interesting, or even funny. But today, they are neither interesting or clever. It’s all rote crap where they try to shut you up by blowing your mind with accusations that you are “mad,” or asserting that you are gay – the only place in society you find open homophobia today is leftist Twitter.

It’s also annoying because dumb leftists are such epic training aids. You get a truly dumb tweet, like Seth Rogen’s most recent masterpieces (discussed more below) observing that getting your car robbed is just part of city life and you should sit back, think of England, and enjoy it, and you have a jumping off point. You can use these folks to illustrate the perfidy of our opponents and show our team that we are not sitting back and just taking it like Mitt Romney facing off against a debate moderator. 

The lack of a solid opponent is, therefore, a problem for us. We want a challenge to keep sharp. So, what happened? I expect donors stopped funding the troll farms at the same level, having realized that they were not getting much bang for the buck. But mostly, I think that the rise of wokeness has totally eliminated, at least in their pea-brains, the need to be clear, coherent, and/or compelling. If your opponent is a literal Nazi white supremacist who is a transphobe and a literal Nazi too, there’s really no further to go. You just spew that, and you’re done. There’s nothing more to be said, except that you are literally shaking.

And that’s a problem for them, which Virginia illustrated nicely. It’s that a platform consisting of “You’re racist” has stopped being compelling to anyone who isn’t a committed leftist, and it seems to be losing ground with some actual leftists (like Bill Maher) as well. The left is not about convincing people but about proclaiming their moral superiority by decrying everyone else’s moral inferiority. That’s a tough sell anytime, but it’s really tough when the people who you need voting your way are ticked off about endless mandates, $5 gas, and international humiliation by a bunch of Hindu Kush bandits.

So, libs, by all means, continue being terrible trolls. Please.

Seth Rogen and Why Hollywood Sucks

Hefty pot-comic Seth Rogen, who does not seem to be in a lot of big movies anymore (these comics have about a ten-year run before graduating to serious roles in unfunny, unwatched independent films), decided he would tell everyone he’s a rich, entitled jerk without saying it in so many words. Hearing people complain about being robbed, he weighed in, so to speak, with this gem:

“You can be mad but I guess I don’t personally view my car as an extension of myself and I’ve never really felt violated any of the 15 or so times my car was broken into. Once a guy accidentally left a cool knife in my car so if it keeps happening you might get a little treat.”

Dial the cringe up to 11, because that’s just painful. Rogen probably forgets, because it’s been a while and he’s a hophead to boot, but not being a zillionaire means when people steal your stuff, it’s a big problem. The median average wage in America, meaning half of the folks make less, is $34,248.45 a year. If you work 1,800 a year, that’s $19 an hour. So, some junkie who the lib DA that Seth Rogen probably gave money to elect let back on the street smashes your window and that’s your $250 deductible, then he steals a couple of hundred bucks worth of stuff for, say $450. That’s 23 hours of work, three days, gone. How many folks making $19 an hour have $450 sitting around to make a non-deductible charitable contribution to the Dirtbag Meth Fund?

But it’s not a problem for Seth. He’s so frivolous he sells an expensive, bespoke “rolling tray” for dope smokin’ morons who are also colorblind. He can’t spare a second to remove the bong from his pothole long enough to consider that maybe people should not have to live with the things they earned through hard work being stolen by bums and losers. But hey, virtue was made to be signaled, and in Seth’s case, it’s pot smoke signals.

Note that none of his pals, the Dem-voting friends of the downtrodden, piped up (so to speak) in defense of those who are down and being trodden by criminals. That’s because these people don’t care about anyone but themselves. It’s all a pose and a fraud. Looking to Tinseltown for moral guidance is like, well, looking to the Lincoln Project for moral guidance.

Hollywood’s collapse cannot come soon enough.

Luckily, there is conservative entertainment out there that does not reinforce the commie paradigm. My sixth Kelly Turnbull conservative action thriller, The Split, shows what happens when America splits into red and blue countries. Get all six bestsellers, including People's Republic, Indian Country, Wildfire, Collapse, and Crisis!