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Deep Thoughts on Coexistence

The opinions expressed by columnists are their own and do not necessarily represent the views of

I’m having difficulty understanding why the last two parking spaces in the parking lot in front of the Cameron School of Business were taken up by a single car this morning. It’s even more perplexing that the car is a Prius. If you can’t fit a Prius into one space, should you really be driving at all?

I understand why people buy the Prius. It’s because they want to preserve Mother Earth for future generations. You don’t want to hog up everything for yourself. So, why can’t you fit that little car into one parking space? Isn’t single parking a better way to make sure you aren’t hogging up more scarce resources than you should?

And what about that bumper sticker that says “Coexist” on the back of the Prius that is currently double parked in front of the business school? How can we coexist if you can’t keep your Prius in a single parking space?

I have a bumper sticker that says “Protected by Glock” on my Honda. Am I more or less likely to be car jacked than the guy who has a “Coexist” bumper sticker?

Going Rogue by Sarah Palin FREE

Is there really any better way to coexist than having a concealed weapons permit? Don’t these permits have a better track record of preventing crimes than the United Nations does in regard to preventing wars?

Recently, one of my students asked his professor whether the United Nations could have prevented World War II if it had been established prior to 1945. She got mad and refused to answer his question. How can we coexist when our progressive professors refuse to answer questions calmly and without anger?

Woodrow Wilson was a progressive. He also went into World War I thinking it would be the war to end all wars. How is that working out so far?

Why did Woodrow Wilson undo years of Republican progress on race by re-segregating the civil service? Did he think we could all get along better if blacks and whites were segregated? Did he think that was best because blacks are intellectually inferior to whites?

If Woodrow Wilson were alive today would he drive a Prius with a “Coexist” bumper sticker? Would he double park his Prius in front of the United Nations building in Manhattan?

Why is the guy who sports a “Coexist” bumper sticker always the same guy who wants to ban a nativity scene from the public square?

Do you mind if I put a “Honk if I’m paying your mortgage” bumper sticker next to your “Coexist” bumper sticker? How about a “Keep honking, I’m reloading” sticker? Could my bumper stickers coexist with your bumper stickers?

How can we coexist if you keep trying to force me to buy into a government health insurance plan I do not want? Why do you insist that I say “yes” when I keep saying “no”?

Would the world be a better place if rape victims would just say “yes”? Would it help them “coexist” with rapists?

Aren’t rapists, like all other criminals, just victims of society? Don’t they deserve treatment in a single payer system just like the victim of rape?

A Muslim-American called my office screaming one day because he thought I called the prophet Mohammad a “queer.” But I didn’t call Mohammad a “queer.” I probably called him a pedophile. Regardless, how can we coexist if you think you have a right to live in this country but have no corresponding duty to learn English?

The angry Muslim started to use threatening language when he called me on the phone. I told him that if he came after me I would let him choose the weapon I would use to protect myself. I asked whether he would prefer a .44 magnum or a .45 ACP. He hung up and never called back. That day, my Smith and my Springfield helped make the world a better place. You could say they helped promote coexistence.

Isn’t a woman who drives a Prius more likely to get an abortion than a woman who drives an SUV? Why can’t the feminist coexist with the fetus? What is all this “my body, my choice” nonsense?

My neighbor is opposed to the Second Amendment. He used to have an “Obama” sign in his yard. Now he has a “Coexist” sticker on his car. I plan to put one of those signs in my yard that says “My neighbor wants to ban all guns. His house is unarmed. Out of respect for his views I promise not to protect him” with a big arrow pointing to his house.

I think people with “coexist” bumper stickers are probably the people Muslims would most like to kill – because of their views on gay rights and abortion. So, maybe they should take the Muslim portion off their “Coexist” stickers.

Maybe “O-exist” is the best kind of sticker for today’s progressives. Doesn’t it make sense given the name of their true Messiah?

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