Seven Reasons You Will Vote Republican This Year

Posted: Oct 27, 2014 12:01 AM
Seven Reasons You Will Vote Republican This Year

One week to go for the imminent decision on the new course that Americans will take their country. And there really are only two options nationally; the beginnings of recovery for a badly bruised intellect – or – unbridled bat guano crazy.

While the sparkle has come off Barack Obama’s crown, voters no longer have the opportunity to vote him off the throne. But next week, citizens will decide whether to checkmate the President by giving the Republicans a majority in the United States Senate. Here are seven reasons that America will vote Republican this year:

1. National Defense – This primary responsibility of the federal government has been effectively mismanaged for a good six years now. The world has always had an abundance of narcissistic jerks bent on world domination. But between 1783 and 2008, they operated more like delusional street-crazies. Their lusts were tethered by the knowledge that if they acted on their impulses, the United States military would shock them back to bearable behavior. But evil villains are evidently not intimidated by our current Sissy In Chief. The President will need the added pressure of Republican control in both houses of Congress to support his international spine.

2. Health care –Now that the Democrats have invited government bureaucrats into every one of our body cavities, it is time for the citizens to respond as if they still have some measure of self-esteem. Ideally, Obamacare will be uprooted and replaced with free-market systems in 2017. But while the President has two years left to complete his vision of socialized medicine, it is critical that both chambers of Congress are controlled by the loyal opposition.

3. National debt of $17,000,000,000,000 – Only a conservative-controlled Congress will bother to develop a plan to recover from the current 17 trillion dollar debt. And only a balanced budget constitutional amendment would deliver the nation from its current path of self-destruction. With the possibility of a Republican president and Republican controlled congress just two years away, we cannot afford to miss the rare opportunity to entertain a balanced budget amendment.

4. Energy – Controlling Washington’s ridiculous spending spree is only one half of the solution necessary to recover from America’s enormous debt. Paying down all those zeros will require an economic explosion akin to the dot-com era. Fortunately, the nation is sitting on natural resources that can provide exactly that. And displacing the religious environmentalist Democrats with pragmatic business Republicans will release America’s natural entrepreneurial spirit to pull energy out of the ground and sell it to the rest of the world for a tidy profit.

5. Supreme Court Justice Nominees – We are extremely fortunate to have made it this far with only two Supreme Court Justices having been appointed by the radical President Obama. The ages of the remaining justices dictate that more replacements are imminent. In the unfortunate circumstance where Barack Obama would nominate one or more additional justices, a Republican Senate would be able to non-consent another Ruth Bader Ginsburg.

6. Illegal Immigration – By now, it should only be a mystery to the New York Times that the Democratic Party has been flooding the U.S. with illegal immigrants toward increasing their voter base. Even Republican senators will need reminding from their base to behave according to the party platform on this topic. But a conservative majority in the Senate could help get the nation back to inviting only those who will contribute to the American dream rather than overwhelm our culture with conflicting interests.

7. Epic Lame Duck Syndrome – Elected officials who have no fear of voter reprisal in the final phase of their term will sometimes take actions that would otherwise ruin their chances of re-election. The last significant example of this is Bill Clinton’s impressive list of pardons and commutations for an unsavory group of thieves, tax cheats and drug traffickers. But the Obama Administration reportedly has plans to go non compos mentis as he golfs his way to the finish line. With unprecedented arrogance and a demonstrated disregard for the Constitution, only a Republican majority in both the House and the Senate will be able to withstand the behavior that promises to fly out of the West Wing between now and noon on January 20, 2017.