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OPINION
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Hollywood Hit Hides a Conservative Message

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It utterly escaped me that Marvel movies were an adjunct of Disney, and if I had recalled that I would not have spent an evening watching the third Guardians of the Galaxy movie the other night at my local movietorium. But I did, and I found something remarkable. A woke company and a woke writer/director delivered a pretty darn conservative movie that utterly destroys the idea of “transition” as well as the leftist dream of a commie utopia. Plus, it had a song by The Replacements.

My late mom bequeathed me something incredible – inside her garage freezer, I found a dozen bags of frozen tomato sauce from the tomatoes my father grew in his backyard garden. So, in honor of mom and dad, I cooked up her amazing spaghetti and I’m going to tell you all about it.

Guardians Of The Galaxy (Vol 3)’s Hidden Con Message

I do not think the people who made this explodey and over-long flick understood that their plot totally undermines the most treasured premises of their gross ideology, but they did. I mean, I hope there was an intent somewhere to reject the zeitgeist, but I can only assume that they sort of thought that the villain their characters were fighting was bad and the audience would understand it. What the filmmakers probably did not understand was that, outside the theater, they are on the side of the bad guy. Their garbage ideology is the heavy’s ideology.

A quick summary, though the plot is pretty much irrelevant in light of the constant CGI spectacle. One of the Guardians is a mutant creature named Rocket Racoon. He’s pretty cool – he’s a wiseass and likes guns. He’s never voting for some woke pinko. He’d like Trump. Anyway, Rocket was engineered by The High Evolutionary. And by engineered, I mean he was a cute little baby racoon mutilated and rebuilt in an effort to create a “perfect” being to live in the HE’s vision of a “perfect” society. There are other cute, loveable creatures who are butchered even more cruelly – it’s pretty dark. You might want to hold off on taking the tykes.

Now, to the HE, the lives of others are meaningless, and their pain is irrelevant. Nothing can stand in the way of his quest to “perfect” humanity, not surprisingly with himself retaining total power over it (he regularly destroys entire test utopias and thousands of creatures that fail to meet his standards). At one point, the HE gives away the game and announces that there is no God. In his mind, he is God, able to cut and slice life to reshape it according to his will as opposed to His will. Does that seem at all familiar to anyone? Ring a bell? 

The High Evolutionary – surprising in 2023, the villain is played by a black actor (who is really good) – is of a kind with the liberal Munchausen Mommies who gleefully advocate the vivisection of their kids to sculpt their young bodies into “their true selves” as a way to address their own psychodramas. But Rocket – the gun-loving libertarian varmint who is the hero of this melodrama – has the HE’s number. “He doesn't want to improve things; he just hates everything the way it is." Man, that nails the modern left. Just ask yourself – where is their “improvement?” These leftist creeps own academia, but we keep hearing how the colleges are still full of racism and transphobia and whatever. They run much of the country, but they claim we’re worse than ever. They never fix any of their imagined problems because fixing things is not the point. The process of destroying others – by false prosecutions, by impoverishment or disenfranchisement, or by cutting them up – is the point. That’s their utopia, a world where they get to deal out pain and misery to others in the guise of “perfecting” things in order to salve their own wounded souls forever.

But the Guardians have a solution to this problem – a Second Amendment solution. It’s a pretty based flick.

Spaghetti – Donora, Pennsylvania, Style

It’s been a while since we talked about food, and longer since I mentioned my Mom’s legendary spaghetti recipe, so I hope you will indulge me. As I mentioned, I inherited a dozen or so bags of Schlichter’s Own tomato sauce which are now competing with steaks for dominance in my garage freezer. Note that this sauce is really just crushed or ground tomatoes – there’s nothing added. If I use canned stuff, I use plain crushed tomatoes.

Mom’s spaghetti was always a favorite, derived from my great aunt Elizabeth who scandalized the Scot family of my grandmother by marrying a Catholic and Italian man – I think at the time (around 1930) they were called “Italianx.” Anyway, I’m not sure which of the two was most scandalous at the time. Anyway, the final product was fantastic, especially because of the homegrown tomato sauce. Store-bought tomatoes tend to be flaccid, tasteless things, bred for resilience and not taste. But these, well, they taste like tomatoes.

Here’s the recipe, which is so simple a Republican politician could make it without screwing up:

1 lb ground beef (80%/20%)

1 medium white onion

Salt

Pepper

Italian seasoning

Garlic

16 oz tomato sauce/crushed tomatoes

3 bay leaves

Okay, find a big pot. Crumble and brown the meat. I do it on high. While that’s going on, chop up the onion, but not too small or too big. Throw it into the pot when the meat is starting to get done and let them cook together for a while. Put in a little salt, pepper, Italian seasoning, and garlic. Not too much of these – you can add more later but you cannot subtract any later. Let this cook more, mixing and stirring so it doesn’t burn.

Pour in the tomato sauce and stir it together on high. Bring to a boil. Throw in the bay leaves and stir. If its very watery, cook it down at low heat for a while, but stir frequently or it will burn on the bottom. When that’s done, let it sit for a while bleeding off heat and steam. Then turn off the heat and cover. Let it sit there for a couple hours. If you can, do it the day before and keep it overnight in the fridge with the flavors mingling and coagulating. Heat it up and serve.

Simple and perfect. No nonsense, no weird pseudo-artisanal flourishes, just totally good sauce. I’ve never had better sauce than this simple recipe. 

Thanks again, Mom and Dad.

Follow Kurt on Twitter @KurtSchlichter. Get Inferno, the seventh book in the Kelly Turnbull People's Republic series of conservative action novels set in America after a notional national divorce, as well as his non-fiction book We’ll Be Back: The Fall and Rise of America.

Look, you need to keep up the fight by joining Townhall VIP right now. You get access to a bunch of great stuff, not the least of which is my extra Wednesday column, my weekly Stream of Kurtiousness videos every Friday, and the Unredacted podcast every Monday! Plus, some stuff from Larry O’Connor – and a bunch of other stuff.

My super-secret email address is Kurt.Schlichter@townhall.com

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