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It’s like the moronic mandarins of the mainstream media – luminaries like Honest Dan Rather, Brian “Badass Like Buttigieg” Williams, and Zombie Cronkite – got together to create a plan to make people hate the media even more than they already did. It was a daunting challenge, since people view the mainstream media as something akin to syphilis without the upside. But it’s as if they finally succeeded, accomplishing, against all odds, something besides failure, leveraging this pandemic to destroy the media forever. The Chinese Coronavirus Bat Soup Syndrome has taken what’s left of the media’s reputation, poured gasoline on it, then lit it on fire before flattening it with a bulldozer and finally having a Scat Francisco hobo download last night’s free bologna sandwich on the remains.
This was the media’s time to shine, a moment when we needed clear, objective information delivered by intelligent people who asked the important questions people care about so Americans could protect themselves and their families. It was a critical juncture when the media could step up and show us all that yes, the media is still important. It still matters. It still deserves our respect.
Instead we got, “Mr. President, isn’t accurately pointing out that the coronavirus originated in China racist?”
Really.
That was a thing.
Pointing out that the Wuhan flu came from Wuhan is racist.
Oh, and then literally shaking that someone made an amusing funny joke by calling it the “Kung Flu.”
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I wish I was joking.
I wish I was exaggerating. I wish my ability to generate hyperbole in the pursuit of critiquing our failed establishment was so great that I could construct a sublime image of allegedly serious reporters, in a time of national crisis, forgoing the chance to disseminate lifesaving 411 to the masses and instead, and on purpose, choosing to pursue the fevered SJW obsessions of daddy-issued Wellesley sociology sophomores.
Yeah, Mr. Chang licked a salamander in a Wuhan diner and here we are, but we can’t say it because some woke millennial might get the vapors.
How about this?
How about don’t eat weird stuff?
And how about don’t be communists who lie, cheat, and generally fumble their way into catastrophe?
And how about not being American media outlets who give cover to people who eat weird stuff and to communists who lie, cheat, and generally fumble their way into catastrophe?
And how about not lying about the president? Look, we all get that you want that sinewy, senile strange-o Joe Biden to be president, but maybe you can be less obvious about it. You barely covered his debate with Bernie “Look at the YouTube” Sanders because when he wasn’t hacking up a lung, Hoover’s daddy was promising free health care and ponies for illegal aliens. If Trump had wandered off-camera during a video town hall, it would be big news. The advancing dementia of the Democrat's presumptive nominee is a non-story because you want us to non-know about it.
Trump’s masterful handling of this crisis, in contrast, is something you can’t handle. Since he’s doing all the right things – blending transparency, leadership and optimism with calm and focus – you have to manufacture lies. Look at this disgraceful – and often repeated – lie from whoever Julie Bosman is at the failing New York Times:
Wow.
Trump sure hates people, huh?
He clearly wants them to die and stuff because of course he does.
Wait, there’s more?
Oh?
As Philip Wegman tweeted:
Gosh, that kind of changes the meaning the Times was trying to convey a bit, you know, like 100 percent.
Gosh, it seems that Trump was actually making the smart point that decentralized execution of basic tasks like obtaining necessary gear might be better accomplished at the state and local level than by awaiting people across the continent in Washington to do it.
Gosh, having never actually run an operation of any kind, these twenty-something junior reporters don’t know what the hell they are talking about. So, the best case is that they are too stupid to accurately report; worst case, they just plain lied to our faces.
Yay, media!
And remember, we are supposed to respect these people, to treat them as brave firefighters who risk it all to bring us the truth. Instead, they are cheesy little liars, and not very good ones. I’m a Los Angeles trial lawyer, and frankly, I’m a bit of a snob when it comes to people trying to lie to me, and these hacks don’t measure up to the bullSchiffing chops of your average leisure suit-clad ambulance chaser trying to spin a 3 MPH rear-ender whiplash claim into quadriplegia with residual PTSD.
On Tuesday, the Chinese government decided to toss a bunch of American media types out of the country. Talk about a betrayal of one’s own friends. But it just goes to show that everyone hates the media – and that even the damn communists think our media sucks.
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