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I'm Honored by Comrade Tool

The opinions expressed by columnists are their own and do not necessarily represent the views of Townhall.com.

hal_incandeza wrote: "In May of 2012, the Heartland Institute hosted its biggest ever- and seventh ever-International Conference on Climate Change..."

Right, that's why they are discontinuing their conference for lack of funding. What a great success.


Dear Comrade Hal,

Your comment would be interesting if it was actually true.

But like a lot of things that liberals talk about it’s not accurate; wishful thinking maybe, but not correct.

In fact, Heartland just held their 8th annual Climategate conference in Europe. As Joe Bast from Heartland blogs: “Our Eighth International Conference on Climate Change, held in Munich on November 30-December 1, 2012, was a huge success. We’ve got projects on climate already lined up for 2013 that make 2012 look like a dress rehearsal.”

If you have any sense of history, you’ll understand that some of the debate surrounding “climate-change” is really due to ubiquity. We have the ability to observe more data and we have the ability to trumpet more observations as fact.

But the debate is no different than many debates regarding unproven scientific theories. 

In the first half of the 20th Century, Communism and Socialism were treated by scientists as rational, settled economic sciences. We know today, after a full century of failures that the basis of those theories was incorrect. 

So, of course, that’s one explanation why liberals are so ready to embrace them again.  

Canetoad wrote: I thought it was the private sector that was supposed to create all the jobs.- Obama’s Psycho Job Phobia

Dear Comrade Toad,

Well, duh.

There are about 143 million jobs, of which 25 million are government jobs. That’s leaves us with 118 million private sector jobs to pay for the 25 million government jobs.

So, ya; the private sector is where jobs are created.


Hmiller wrote: Spacejob Ransom; The last Congress fillibustered three (3) Jobs Bills in Committee, not allowing debate to occur on the Senate floor. Those fillibusters are part of the latest Republican record for fillibusters = obstructionism. Note how many times I used the word fillibuster? Seems like they were part of a plan to cause Obama's failure - and to heck with the Country. Is this what you call conservatism? Sure is different from the twenty years of my being a registered Republican. - Obama’s Psycho Job Phobia

Dear Comrade H,

Wow! Three (3) “jobs” bills, huh?

The Democrats could have passed whatever jobs bill they wanted in 2009.

Oh, yeah; they did pass one. It cost about a trillion dollars. And it created no jobs.

That’s the real reason why the bills never made the Senate floor. Neither side wanted to vote on any new Obama spending proposals, especially not in the Senate.

If truth-in-labeling requirements applied to Obama, the FTC would have shutdown any one of Obama’s self-titled “my job bills.”

You want jobs? Let them build the Keystone Pipeline. There’s already 55,000 miles of crude oil pipe in the United States and another 305,000 miles of gas pipeline. The whole idea that somehow the Keystone project represents an unmanageable threat to our environment is completely, 100 percent false.


The only thing Keystone threatens is the enviro-whackos who will be shutdown if the pipeline is built.   

DagNabbit wrote: Why are we made to suffer thru this guy's simpleminded columns TWICE? This was remarkably boring and stupid the first time; reading it again is like being force-fed a second helping of cod liver oil. Thanks, Headmaster, but I've had sufficient. Blecccchhhhh. - It's a Christie Thing

Dear Comrade Nabbit,

Very easy answer to that one: You were made to suffer through my “simpleminded columns TWICE” because in your liberal-mindedness you chose to read them TWICE.

Seriously, it must be relaxing being a liberal. You don’t have to take responsibility for ANYTHING. You can read something once, hate it, and then read it again and blame your own actions in reading it again on someone else.

You seem like the type of guy who’d stick his tongue on a frozen pole, and then do it again, just because you’re a liberal.

Note to Comrade H above: When you pass a bad bill that doesn’t work, you needn’t pass it TWICE to discover it won’t work, again.

Xjnyc_2013 wrote: All anyone needs to know about the kind of person Ransom is summed up with his statement "I know nothing about Jersey but I don't like it." Perfect example of a Dumb Toad - forming an opinion about something or someone when you're absolutely clueless. - It's a Christie Thing

Dear Comrade X,

Comrade Toad? I think you have thewrong guy.

See above; see below for anything relating to Toad.

But if you’re going to quote me, probably you should get it right:

“Let me say on the record that I don’t really care about New Jersey. I know very little about it. But, I know this much: I don’t want to live there and I don’t want the rest of the United States to resemble New Jersey.”

Michael160 wrote: I'm sorry, but Southern ideas are not going to lead the country. You are not going to win with the South and some sparsely populated Western states. The South is basically an internal colony ever since it lost the war, a backward cultural area that is useful only as a place under US law that has lower wages and worker protections. - It's a Christie Thing

Dear Comrade Michael,

The South a backwater? How 1960s of you.

Have you ever been to Atlanta or Charlotte?

Here’s a list of prominent companies located in Charlotte from Wikipedia:

The following Fortune 500 companies are headquartered in the Charlotte metropolitan area, in order of their rank: Bank of AmericaLowe's in suburban MooresvilleNucor (steel producer), Duke EnergySonic AutomotiveFamily DollarGoodrich CorporationSPX Corporation (industrial technology), Domtar (in suburban Fort Mill), Chiquita Brands International (which announced on November 29, 2011, it was relocating its headquarters to Charlotte from Cincinnati). Other major companies headquartered or with corporate operations in Metro Charlotte include: Extended Stay HotelsBabcock and WilcoxRSC BrandsTIAA-CREFTime Warner Cable (formerly a business unit of Fortune 500 company Time Warner), Speed ChannelESPNUContinental Tire the Americas, LLC.Muzak,BelkHarris TeeterMeineke Car Care CenterLance, IncCarolina Foods Inc, Bojangles'Carlisle Companies, ElectroluxLendingTreeCompass Group USA, Food Lion, and Coca-Cola Bottling Co. Consolidated (the nation's second largest Coca-Cola bottler). U.S. Airways regional carrier CCAir was headquartered in Charlotte.


You obviously spend no time in Dixie.

Great people, great food, great culture.

GHE wrote: Mr. Ransom is often so full of partisan spleen that he negates the value of his articles. But, he acknowledged here at least that Republicans have been part of the problem and I agree with him that liberalism is the greater part of the problem. Unfortunately, he has no solution either as what to do when both sides and the voters seem determined to keep this course. One solution, Ron Paul, was generally…[Editor’s note: Yawn]. - The 25th Annual No Pants Senate

Dear Comrade GHE,

Ha! Ron Paul! A solution? Ron? Paul? Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! Sigh,  


Canetoad wrote: Geez John, I live in Australia, where the Bureau of Meteorology just had to add a new color to the heat mapping index to represent temperatures above 50 degrees C, where we just had the seven hottest days EVER. But nah, you keep your head firmly planted up your backside, it will probably be cooler there. - So Fake It’s Real: Global Warming is Reality TV for the Media Elite

Dear Comrade Toad,

Did I ever tell you how much I loved your Wild Ride at Disney when I was a kid?

I really did.

It’s hard to make the column twice in one week. But you did it!

Where you going to go next?

“I’m going to Disney!”

All the information you provided about basic shapes and colors that average Australians recognize is very cool.

And updating the map would be a great idea if Australia actually enjoyed temperatures in the 50 degree Celsius range.

But they don’t. The record high in Australia is 50.7 degrees Celsius set at Oodnadatta, in 1960.

A little digging shows that bureaucrats added the extra color in anticipation of temperatures above 50 degrees Celsius.

"The forecast coming from the bureau's model is showing temperatures in excess of 50 degrees," said David Jones, head of the bureau's climate monitoring and prediction unit said on January 8th. Except of course temperatures never crossed 47 degrees Celsius line, which is about 6 degrees Fahrenheit under the predicted range.

As the bureau itself noted, “large parts of central Australia have limited monitoring.”

If large parts of Australia still have limited monitoring in the 21st Century, how much monitoring happened in the 20th Century? 

Might it be that it’s our extended monitoring, rather than changes in weather pattern, that cause us to observe new patterns?   

Canetoad wrote: Climate change is estimated to cost the world economy $1.2 trillion annually, which is proving to be a stress test for the insurance industry. Lest you think that's a niche concern, insurance accounts for seven percent of the global economy and is the world’s largest industry. Many insurers are using climate science to better quantify and diversify their exposure, more accurately price and communicate risk, and target adaptation and loss-prevention efforts. But what would they know eh, John............... Mr Businessman extraordinaire. May your children all spit on your graves. Morons! - So Fake It’s Real: Global Warming is Reality TV for the Media Elite


Dear Comrade Cane,

Hat Trick! Three! Congrats.

Insurance companies also use global warming to charge higher premiums. Duh.

What better way to increase profits than to charge for contingencies that don’t happen?

Of course, if the contingency they charged more for was something like dying from AIDS- an actuarial probability- you’d call it profiteering.

May your children be allowed to pray at your graves. 

Ericynot wrote: The other problem is that Romney was the most disingenuous candidate I've seen in 42 years of presidential voting. I simply can't in good conscience vote for a guy who will say anything and change any position to try to grab a few votes. It's not so much about party, or even philosophy, as it is about integrity. -Obama Gives GOP a Bailout

Dear Comrade Eric,

They’re all disingenuous, including your friend Comrade Obama.

He calls for a balanced budget, yet spends more than he brings in. Or how about that time he railed against lifting the debt ceiling when he was a senator? That was really funny.

Or remember that time that Obama deported all those illegal aliens to pander to the law and order crowd? And when that didn’t work, he went back to pandering to Latinos?

Or how about when he declared war on Libya? Yeah. That was constitutional.

Or, as Megyn Kelly noted this week, it was really a big surprise when Obama nominated another white guy to fill a cabinet position.

Most disingenuous might describe a guy who wants us all to believe he’s a genius even though he won’t even release his college transcripts.   

PhillupSpace2 wrote: Occasionally someone surpasses their own best efforts and should be recognized. Anderson 659 posted on an earlier Ransom column a truly outstanding example of excellence in communication. I hope he approves of my highlighting it here.

U.S. Tax revenue: $2,170,000,000,000

* Fed budget: $3,820,000,000,000

* New debt: $ 1,650,000,000,000

* National debt: $14,271,000,000,000

* Recent budget cuts: $ 38,500,000,000

Let's now remove 8 zeros and pretend it's a household budget:

* Annual family income: $21,700

* Money the family spent: $38,200

* New debt on the credit card: $16,500

* Outstanding balance on the credit card: $142,710

* Total budget cuts: $385

Get the picture yet?

-24 Million Martyrs

Dear Phillip,

Bravo. Thanks for highlighting some common sense

hmiller wrote: The just ended Congress was by far the worst mess we've had since such matters began to be recorded. Obstructionism was at an all time high - another new Republican record for fillibustering. Including several pieces of legislation to get recovery from the Republican record recession moving forward. Don't forget the GOP controlled both houses of Congress from Jan '95 to Jan 2007. The last 6 years of that 12 year control also had a Republican in the White House. -24 Million Martyrs


Dear Comrade Miller,

No way. You’re hysterical.

Just because Ezra Klein’s mad because they passed fewer laws than any other congress, doesn’t make it the worst ever.

And don’t tell me that it’s the most partisan ever either.

Can liberals do me- and themselves- a favor and read a history book?

The congresses that debated slavery were far more polarized than congress today. They were responsible for the Fugitive Slave Act and the Kansas-Nebraska Act, both of which stand as stains on our history. You can’t find worse congresses than those two.  

How about the congress that passed the Gulf of Tonkin Resolution? How about the congress that passed the income tax? 

The economy usually doesn’t require congressional action to get it moving again.

The sad fact that it seems we need congressional action to help us get out of bed and fully dressed in the morning is proof that we’ve had much worse congresses that have brought us to this fix to begin with.   

MikeDala wrote: John, once again you show why you shouldn't give up your day job. At least you got this one half right. Christie would be a horrible choice for 2016 after his bromsnce with Obama. Christie might as well change to being a member of the Democratic Party. As for Mitt Romney, he was the only candidate that had any chance of defeating Obama. And Romney almost pulled it off. He lost by a narrow margin in 4 states. - Chris Christie is not Governor of the United States

Dear Comrade Mike,

Romney lost.

The margin doesn’t matter. Obama is the worst president in the history of our country, and Romney should have trounced him.

I don’t know what your day job is, but calm down, I’m not giving mine up. I’m actually picking up another day job. 

In addition to writing a daily column and running the website Townhall Finance, I also have a syndicated, daily radio show that airs Monday-Friday 2PM-3PM ET. We started with 10 stations and now we are carried on over 30 stations. We''re even looking to add an hour. As you see I have TWO day jobs. 

You can click here to find local stations or to listen online while you work your day job- which, I think we both agree, you shouldn’t quit. 

XJNYC2013 wrote: As I said Ransom is the Ultimate Tool. Uneducated, ignorant and smarmy - hates what he knows nothing about. Oh and by the way -- calling it "Joisey" a 1930's gag writer's idea of how people speak is the equivalent of calling San Francisco "Frisco" it just demonstrates your own stupidity. - Chris Christie is not Governor of the United States

Dear Comrade X,

I thought the Ultimate Tool would be some kind of a combined lawn mower blade sharpener with an attached vegetable juicer that can also be used as: 1) a baby-butt soft car chamois or 2) a pocket fishing reel.

Alas, we are both wrong Comrade X.

The Ultimate Tool seems to be this tool trailer… although be careful: While it promises to be “an organized approach to home building and finish carpentry,” one person pointed out that you must “check with your? vehicle’s insurance or business insurance about trailer insurance” before towing.


Or it could be this purple case of something-or-another called the Ultimate Tool, which also bills itself as the The Ultimate Crafter's Companion. If it seems confusing to you, then you’re not alone.

That said, the purple something-or-another bills itself as an “all-in-one, compact carry-case which allows you to score, measure, trim, emboss and embellish; create boxes, shaped card blanks, envelopes and so much more.”

Want more could you want?

So, please be careful in the future about bestowing upon me unearned honorifics that should rightly go to more ingenious and more versatile tools. I don’t even have an ergonomic handle... as far as you know.   

DagNabbit wrote: Wow. This could possibly be the most boneheaded column in the history of that repository of boneheaded columns, Townhall. Mental health screening for gun purchasers is gun control? Sounds like crazy control, actually, and apparently you squeaked by. New Jersey rocks, BTW. I'm a New Yorker, but Jersey beaches are some of the best, and western and southern NJ really ARE the Garden State. But I can see where it would be a little too rough and tumble for a dough boy like Ransom. - Chris Christie is not Governor of the United States

Dear Comrade Dag,

I’m more the Florida beaches kind of guy. Or the Bahamas. Or even Rehoboth Beach, Delaware.

I’m sure Jersey has very nice beaches for Jersey or even for New York. But really who cares?

It’s not about beaches, as you know.

It’s about whether I want my country to resemble New Jersey.

I’ll say it once more: I don’t. Quit crying about it.  

The tax system alone, with both a state sales tax and an income tax, is horrid.

It elected Jon Corzine. Explain that stain away.   

hmiller wrote: DDddduuuhhhhh what are conservative values? Where are they listed? The old South was very conservative - that must be what you mean. Saudi-Arabia and the entire Middle East are very conservative - EXCEPT very liberal Israel. All of our founders supported liberalism, to some degree. After the Revolution confiscation and extradition were applied to the Conservatives - that must be the bunch you refer to! Where are conservative values being used to run a Country? - Chris Christie is not Governor of the United States

Dear Comrade Miller,

You made it twice. Congrats. It’s hard to do.

The founders believed in Classical Liberalism. It can best be described as the belief in the natural liberty of man, where rights are derived from nature, not the state. It includes the right to property in addition to the right to make social choices free from coercion.

Conservatives ideals essentially have ruled America until recently.

The Revolutionary War was fought to “conserve” those values of self-government that the first settlers of America enjoyed.

The founders, for the most part, in their support of Classical Liberalism were conservative even if their action were often radical. 


Again, liberals would do well to read books more often.

Reading from a teleprompter doesn’t count.   

Joe wrote: Your blog on Governor Christie and the State of New Jersey was despicable. I am one person who will never read your columns again. You are insulting and rude.


PFK wrote: I don't like Christie either but now I don't like you either after saying those awful things about New Jersey; a great State. What awful things you have said. You should be fired from your job.


KA wrote: I sorry about you negative feelings about the Republican Party.... But we are here to stay. Your venum will be you own doom.

Chris Christie is not Governor of the United States

Dear Comrades All,

I feel so pitiful for not wanting the United States to resemble: 1) Newark and; 2) an episode from the Jersey Shore.

So please accept my apologies by watching this educational video titled “It’s a Jersey Thing” that might come directly from the New Jersey Convention and Visitors Bureau- but doesn’t.

That's it for this week,



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