The once-inevitable Hillary Clinton is feeling the Bern in Iowa and New Hampshire.
It's gotten so that if President Obama were bath oil, Hillary would bathe in him.
She'd cut a TV spot for the South Carolina Democratic primary, her face framed by soothing suds, announcing the Obama bath oil beads make her feel like a natural woman president.
"Because I'm a woman who'll be president, and because Obama bath oil beads are so refreshing after a long day defending Barack," Hillary might tell voters from her gleaming Obamatub.
"And did I mention that I'm a woman?"
Hillary just loves, loves, loves Obama now, doesn't she?
She made that Obamaliciously clear in the last Democratic debate, with Bernie Sanders about to overtake her in Iowa and New Hampshire. And she used the debate to plead with black voters to save her from the Bern in South Carolina's primary.
Mrs. Clinton didn't beg African-Americans exactly, but she didn't have to, did she?
When Republican candidates appeal to their base, it's usually characterized by the liberal media as "pandering to irrational anger." When Democrats do it, it's called "outreach."
But Chuck Todd, moderator of NBC's "Meet the Press," had it right after the debate.
"Sometimes we talk about people wrapping themselves in the flag," said Todd. "Hillary Clinton was wrapping herself in President Obama tonight."
"There is instance after instance, like, 'I plan on building upon what President Obama did,'" said Todd. "Whether it was Dodd-Frank, whether it was health care, and it was clearly designed to say, 'Bernie Sanders, he's not wrapping himself in Obama.'"
And wrap herself in President Obama she did, like Republicans wrapping themselves in Old Glory except that Obama is not made of fabric, but of dreams.
With Hillary so Obama-wrapped, I expect her to make two announcements any second now:
First, she'll ask Republican presidential candidate Ben Carson, the famed neurosurgeon, to come out of retirement and physically conjoin her with Obama.
Yes, it might seem awkward, but it would prove she can work with Republicans to get things done.
And, a conjoining would clearly demonstrate Hillary's absolute commitment to an Obama third term.
Hillary should also announce that as president, she will immediately order a federal civil rights investigation of the Oscars because of the lack of nominations of African-Americans in top categories.
The Clintonistas obviously believe that bathing in Obama oil (or wrapping Hillary in Obama) is absolutely necessary.
Bernie Sanders threatens her now. And young white liberals see her as a creature of Wall Street hegemony the way young conservatives saw through Jeb Bush.
So she needs those black votes to counter the white progressives.
And Hillary will never forget what happened to her in South Carolina in 2008. It made her cry.
One odd thing that is so infuriating about Americans is that we forget so much so quickly. We're always changing, shedding our history, eager to be wiped clean so we can be marketed anew.
But in 2008 it wasn't all so lovey-dovey between a then-young Sen. Obama and the then-Sen. Clinton as they campaigned for the presidency.
It was not a time for bubble baths. It was more like "Mortal Kombat" with living spines being yanked out.
Both sides played the race card. Clinton's campaign was accused of leaking a photograph of Obama dressed up in Somali clothes.
I like the photo, because it's rather striking, with Obama looking like a character in some romantic novel about indomitable warlords. But the Obama camp didn't like it one bit and fought back.
Clinton's campaign co-chairman, Billy Shaheen, said Obama's confession about drug use -- in his book "Dreams from My Father" -- would open him up to Republican dirty tricks.
"It'll be, 'When was the last time? Did you ever give drugs to anyone?'" Shaheen said.
Obama's aide Reggie Love wrote about it in his book, "Power Forward: My Presidential Education."
According to Love, Clinton and Obama met on the tarmac at Reagan National Airport en route to an Iowa debate. Things got heated. She apologized for the Shaheen remarks, but Obama said her apology, while gracious, was meaningless given the emails her side was sending out that painted him as a Muslim.
Hillary exploded and Obama had his say. It was a public spat in front of their aides.
"Her inevitability had been questioned," Love wrote. "I remember Obama telling me later that day that he knew he was going to win the nomination after that moment on the tarmac, because Clinton had unraveled."
But that was so 2008. Who remembers?
And now, feeling the Bern, Hillary turns toward Carolina with Obama on her mind.
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