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Double Barrel Biden, Rape Whistle Salazar and My AR-15 Giveaway

The opinions expressed by columnists are their own and do not necessarily represent the views of

Boy, the anti-gun goobers were out in full force this past week giving us plebeians the down low on what we “need” to protect ourselves during everything from home invasions to rape situations. It was like listening to Obama talk about economics or Roseanne Barr gloss smoothly on the importance of Southern etiquette in marital conflicts.


I heard so much horse scat coming from the left last week regarding self-defense that I am now befuddled as to whom I should give my “Are You Blanking Kidding Me” award to. Damn you, tyranny of many options. Damn you!

First on the stooge list of bad ideas for self-defense is one, Jose Salazar, Democrat lawmaker (God, help us) from Colorado who decided to unfurl how dumb he thinks women are and how much he doesn’t care about them in one fell swoop. And boy did he dunk it, folks. Boom!

Now, before I proceed, allow me to say that if I were a woman – and I’m not (but I do like Kate Hudson films) – but if were a lass, I’d tell gun-grabbing democrats to kiss my Pilates because they do not care about your person or family and would rather y’all be a sitting duck to demented perps. Oh well, what can you expect from a party that supports Planned Parenthood.

Back to Dufus Salazar.

Question: Did you hear the sputum Salazar spewed last week regarding what ladies should do in a rape altercation? Democratic Congressman Mr. Salazar, told college girls, among other unreasonable things last week, to whistle if they think they’re getting raped verses carrying a gun and drawing down on the dipstick.


The reason he argued for the whistle defense is essentially because you ladies are, in his estimation, emotional basket cases who cant discern if you’re a). about to get raped or b). about to be asked directions to the gym. And with that sagacious guidance, Jose made Todd Akin sound like Sandra Fluke. Or is it Fluck? Fluke, I don’t know.

Blow a whistle, Salazar? Who are you? Lauren Bacall? “If you want me, just whistle?”

Look ladies, the only thing that blows is Salazar’s advice. Forgive me, but if I were a chick and some lech lurched for one of my puppies, the only whistling noise anyone would hear would be made by an incoming 90grain, .380 bullet heading for Chester the Molester’s vitals.

Second on my list of "What did you just say?" is this is advice the University of Colorado gives to women to repel attackers. Check it out:

1. Be realistic about your ability to protect yourself.

2. Your instinct may be to scream, go ahead! It may startle your attacker and give you an opportunity to run away.

3. Kick off your shoes if you have time and can’t run in them.

4. Don’t take time to look back; just get away.

5. If your life is in danger, passive resistance may be your best defense.


6. Tell your attacker that you have a disease or are menstruating.

7. Vomiting or urinating may also convince the attacker to leave you alone.

8. Yelling, hitting or biting may give you a chance to escape, do it!

9. Understand that some actions on your part might lead to more harm.

10. Remember, every emergency situation is different. Only you can decide which action is most appropriate.

I’m too gobsmacked to even queue up a cheeky quip for that crapola. Tell ‘em you’re menstruating? Wow. How about #11: walk around with pig blood on you like Carrie at the prom?

Suffice it to say ladies that I’d much rather have a loaded, purty gun.

And lastly, we come to Vice President Joe Biden who told a Facebook forum that for home defense we don’t need an AR-15 but we should all get a double barrel shotgun and simply fire it in the air, off the balcony, if we believe our homes are being invaded.

In all fairness to Mr. Biden, the shotgun is the ultimate showstopper for home defense. If I was a Hamburglar I’d much rather deal with a 55 grain, .223 round in my chest versus having no chest at all after being hit with a heavy, high brass, duck load out of a 12 gauge goose gun.


That said, however, the 2nd Amendment is in the Bill of Rights not the Bill of Needs and if we want an AR-15 to defend our castle then it is our right to choose. Yes, I said it. I’m pro-choice. Joe’s counsel is fraught with many foibles, chief amongst them is the aforementioned: it is our right to choose which weapon we’d like cover our backside, not what big government green lights.

And with that I’d like to announce that my little website,, is giving away, to a lucky subscriber, an AR-15. Register now and you might win this lovely weapon.

To make everyone happy, you can call it your whistle. Or how about calling it Whistler Mother? Registration is free. Good luck.

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