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The 10 Commandments for Classy Girls

The opinions expressed by columnists are their own and do not necessarily represent the views of

As you well know, our toady media has made being a whore all the rage for our young daughters. They’re pushing our kids—on multiple cultural fronts—to be “empowered” sexual beastesses, and this is in spite of the plague-like spike in STDs which are saddling our kids.

Yep, who cares if our girls are getting their ovens removed when they’re 15 for fooling around, keep selling them sex, dammit! Throw rubbers at ‘em! It’ll never happen to them, even though according to the CDC 0ne in four teenage girls right now have some form of STD funk coursing through their system.

In addition to the media’s brainwashing attempts to mold our girls into brainless ditzes like one of Hef’s chicks, our culture has also made being a reality TVesque, whiny, nerve-grating, Girlicious drama queen witch wonderful as well. What has the anti-traditional values, Christianity-sucks secularists propped up for our girls to pattern? Three things, namely: 1. be spiteful, 2. narcissistic and 3. a slut. This is cultural progress for these “winners.”

In this article I’d like to spit on both targets the secularist tools have established for our females and set the bar a tad higher for our daughters with my 10 Commandments for Classy Girls.

Mom . . . Dad . . . teach your girl these ten things, and she won’t morph into a hellion who’ll drive us all insane.

Commandment 1: Don’t flaunt your advantages.

The Classy Girl doesn’t show off who she is, where she went to school or her net worth. Yeah, the bells and smells, the incense and nonsense afforded by certain advantages (earned or otherwise) don't mean a thing to a Classy Girl if used as a fig leaf to veil her utter lack of character and humility.

Let me make it simple for you: Everything that Paris Hilton, Britney, Omarosa, Lindsay, and New York (from Flavor of Love) does, do the opposite, and you will be a very pleasant and delightful young lady not hiding behind daddy’s cash, mere talent, a Bose voice processor or fifteen minutes of BS-based fame.

A girl with class understands with all the external trappings of success and achievement she can still be a cultural pain in the butt and a horrible person. Therefore, focus not upon dusting up the transient trappings which dazzle the ubiquitous morons but rather pursue the hidden qualities of internal virtues which truly makes a girl great—at least in God’s eyes.

Commandment 2: Everyone deserves respect until they demonstrate they don’t deserve it.

The Classy Girl believes that all people are created in the image of God and should be treated with respect until that person shows they don’t deserve it.

That means she doesn’t slap, spit or drop the F-bomb on her pastor, elders, teachers or parents. I asked Ted Nugent one time what he would do if one of his sons or daughters told him to F-off. Ted said, “I’d tear off their head and _______ down their throat.”

It’s amazing to watch 3, 5 and 15 year-old kids unleash their venom on their parents and others and then walk away smacking their gum. The Classy Girl respects parents, older people, teachers, police, peers and opponents—unless forced by said person to do otherwise.

Commandment 3: Titles are important.

The Classy Girl still calls her elders “sir” or “ma’am.” I’ve got friends who have adult children with families of their own who make a very nice living, are close to my age and still call me “sir.” When the Classy Girl addresses a man, it is always as “Mr. (last name)” and a woman as “Mrs.” or “Miss (last name)” until they’ve been green lighted to use their first name or nickname.

Commandment 4: Everyone else matters before you do.

The Classy Girl is here to serve, not be served. She does weird stuff like what needs to be done versus being some diva who expects everyone to wait on her. When she comes into a situation she assesses what others might need, not what she can get from people or places.

Commandment 5: Be helpful.

The Classy Girl sees a need, and if she can assist then she helps. The other day I was out in front of a Publix Supermarket and watched a burglary in progress. The guy ran out of the store, cash in hand, with the clerk and security guards chasing him. It looked fun, so I joined in the chase. The clerk and the guard ran out of juice, and I (along with a cop) got to tackle the dude and jam his face into the cement (one of those little perks God drops in your lap every now and then). Bottom line with those raised as a Classy Girl is: whether it’s with tackling a punk or packing a trunk, The Classy Girl is programmed to H-E-L-P, not hinder.

Commandment 6: Be friendly.

The Classy Girl smiles. She’s not sullen or vexed. She’s not walking around like the psycho chicks and metrosexual males in Miami in a pout pretending to be the next angry supermodel. The Classy Girl says hello and starts friendly conversations. When I take my buddies hunting with me to Texas or Alabama, they’re blown away at how friendly people are. We’ll be driving down a Farm to Market Road in the middle of nowhere, meet a truck coming the opposite direction and our host will wave. Invariably, one of my friends then asks, “Who was that?” and our host replies, “I don’t know.” Then my jaded friends give me a confused look and ask me quietly why he waved. I whisper back, “People down here are friendly . . . watch out, it might rub off on you.”

Commandment 7: Use the right words.

When asked a question, the Classy Girl doesn’t reply with “Huh?” “What?” or “Yeah.” It’s “Please,” “Thank you” or “Yes or no thank you.” She’s a girl who respectfully asks and doesn’t demand.

Commandment 8: Don’t dress like a skank.

There’s nothing wrong with a girl dressing in a cute and figure-flattering manner. However, if she wants to avoid drooling male troglodytes and be taken seriously as both a human and a woman, then she must avoid wearing stripper heels to church. The Classy Girl will send a message to the men out there by the way she dresses that she’s sophisticated and eloquent, not sleazy and easy, capisce?

Commandment 9: Don’t take nude photos of yourself or make sex tapes. Unless you want a life in the porn industry with all the “perks” of drugs, STDs, crime and masturbatory stalkers/rapists, I’d really think twice about what kind of pictures and videos of you are floating around on the internet. Lately, we have seen many aspiring young ladies have their careers derailed or their image forever whorified by the bad, bad decision of bumping uglies on film. Remember, not only is the paper patient, but so is the picture and the grainy home sex movie. These things can damage you for a long, long, long time.

Commandment 10: Develop cell phone etiquette.

First off, put your cell phone on vibrate, alright? There’s enough noise pollution in our world without us having to hear your Razor blast out Nelly Furtado at ear-splitting decibels. Secondly, quit yelling on your phone. Just because you can’t hear yourself in your cell phone’s earpiece doesn’t mean the caller can’t hear you. In addition, by speaking softly we won’t know how shallow and crazy you really are. Thirdly, if you’re going to go nuts on the phone will you walk outside, huh? Fourthly, turn it off during church, okay Jezebel? Fifthly, if you won’t text while we’re eating dinner then I won’t fart at the supper table, deal?

Father, disallow your child to act like a spoiled, rabid, egocentric animal. Make good manners and propriety a given for your girl, and I guarantee she will not attract the crotch grabbing thugs amongst us. Instill the above solid qualities into your baby, and when she grows up, she’ll thank you in spades—and she’ll be a respected, almost revered leader wherever she goes.

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