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Maybe The Evil Party Is Also The Stupid Party?

The opinions expressed by columnists are their own and do not necessarily represent the views of
AP Photo/Susan Walsh

When my old boss told me that “Democrats are evil and Republicans are stupid,” I laughed because it was true. It was the first, but not the last time I’d heard that, and I’ve been repeating it ever since. But the line refers only to elected officials – Democrats want to impose evil laws and Republicans are too stupid to recognize it or mount an effective counter to them. Now, as Republicans have grown a pair, they’re better at fighting the evil party legislatively, though not nearly good enough. However, the voters for Democrats – the people bankrolling and supporting these wannabe evil acts – seem to have gotten significantly dumber.

Remember your first love? Remember when you broke up with them or were they with you? There’s a better-than-average chance that you or one of your friends was either victim or perpetrator of an insincere, melodramatic “Maybe I’ll just kill myself” plea from someone during an early breakup. Teenagers are dumb and everything seems like the end of the world, and sometimes it works. 

I’ve known people who, on either side of that plea, managed to “get back together” for a few more weeks. But, as always, the inevitable happens and everyone goes their separate ways, no dramatic steps taken.

This whining and crying (begging, really) for attention is now a tactic by a Democrat group to raise money. 

The Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee, an official appendage of the Democratic Party, sent out an email last week with a subject line right out of a virgin’s mouth to his prom date: “we’re positively BEGGING you.” This was only a day after an email from Nancy Pelosi’s campaign that was “humbly asking” in the subject. In 24 hours they’d gone completely mental, and it probably brought them a fortune. 

But the cake goes to the National Democratic Training Committee. From the sender name “We’re screwed,” they used the hard sell. “You know that John Fetterman is inches from winning his Senate race,” they write. “You know that Republicans are spending MILLIONS to CRUSH his campaign. And you know if we miss our $50,000 goal, we won’t have the resources to fight back.”

So, if they raise $49,999 that’s it, they’re done? Of course not, the number is meaningless. An idiot should be able to see this is a scam, but it likely works too else they wouldn’t keep doing it. And by “keep doing it,” I mean they keep doing it.

Exactly 39 minutes later, I got an email from the Democratic Strategy Institute with the name “Why won’t you respond?” (Think his parents wanted a girl?) The subject line: Invalid Response.  

My “response” to whatever it was they claimed to want a response to – that’s all every one of their emails is, a desperate attempt to get suckers to engage in the hope that they’ll be worn down to the point that they’ll give. 

“Our team is very concerned by the large number of voters joining the GOP, especially with the midterm election less than 5 weeks away,” they write. “We hoped that top local Democrats like yourself would remain loyal to the Democratic Party, but you didn’t respond, so our dataset is incomplete. Please let us know by our 11:59 PM deadline.”

Oh no, not an incomplete dataset that insists you “donate” to complete it. The horror!

It takes a special kind of stupid for this to work on someone, but Democrats must have that special kind of stupid in spades. If you read the fine print from the Democratic Strategy Institute email it reads, “The Democratic Strategy Institute is a new project of the National Democratic Training Committee.”

Two emails, 39 minutes apart, whining about missing deadlines and incomplete datasets. Then, just 48 minutes later, another email with the subject line, “Michael Moore’s BRILLIANT idea (re: Trump),” from the same group.

What’s Jabba the Commie’s “BRILLIANT idea”? They never say. They don’t even come close to saying. 

The email opens, “Fox News: Michael Moore predicts Donald Trump's imprisonment. Attention: You’re one of [3] Democrats from your area selected to grade Michael Moore. Without your response, our data will be invalid. Please respond before 11:59 PM on 10/08/2022.” Then it asks how I would “grade” Moore, with each choice leading to the same webpage to give them money to submit my answer. 

Then it ends, “Michael Moore has courageously called for Trump to face justice. But now Republicans are attacking him for his bravery, so we urgently need to know what local Democrats think about his work. Please take 2 minutes to respond before our 11:59 PM deadline.”

That’s the entirety of the email. What was the idea that was so BRILLIANT? They don’t say. When was the last time anyone thought about Michael Moore? A year ago, maybe longer? Who knows or cares? 

Yet, these groups are raking in money, hand over fist, from people who read these emails, one after the other, no matter how contradictory or insane their messages are, from members of the real stupid party. I’m in the wrong damn business.  


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